My fugitive in jail! She is on her own.

[Nomad]

I too am very sorry.
Perhaps in some way you might let her know that you do love her and wish for better days ahead for her.
Your behaviors and hopes only make you human, not weak.
Hopefully, she will receive some mental health care.
All this is so very sad.

 

[Rhonda]

Well, I just read the laws in MS and they will not extradite her for the warrant there. So, it will mean nothing here in CA except to give the courts the information so that they will not be so lenient on her.

Now I really do not know what to do. I can get the information to the courts here and then they will probably come down harder on her. If I don't then they will most likely let her go. It is a burglary charge, no theft, basically breaking and entering and it is her first charge here in CA. With the fact that she will have spent almost a week in jail by the time she is sentenced it is my understaning she will be released on probabtion with community service or something.

Can I at least give the courts her mental history so that maybe they will make therapy a part of her probation or at least meetings of some sort.

Could I get up in court and speak out against her? Don't know if I am capable of doing that anyway..

Help... hope someone knows more about this than I do.

Thanks for you input DDD.. that is what got me searching this out!

Rhonda

 

[ML]

Oh Rhonda I'm so sorry. I do not believe for one second you are weak; simply a vulnerable human who loves someone who makes choices that you are powerless over. Sending love and healing through my prayers and thoughts xo ML

 

[Star*]

I'm not sure how you could do that - 1. because she is 18 and 2. she probably won't see her public defender until the day before she goes to court.

You could /would have to get her to sign a notarized document giving you permission to discuss her case with the PD's (public defenders) office. That in itself will take a while because you will have to talk to her, find out who her caseworker in prison is and then get her to tell them it's okay for you to get a paper to her to sign giving you permission to discuss anything with a PD. (dizzy now?)

Then you'd have to send the paper to be signed to her caseworker in jail, if they don't loose it, have her sign it, find a notary public and sign - then send it to you. You copy it, and take it to the PD's office - but at this point they probably have NOT assigned anyone to her case. Like I said - it's most times day before they speak to you. Then it's DO what I say - take this deal - take the plea.

Sometimes you can call the PD's office and get a sympathetic ear but don't bank on it.

IF you hire a private attorney for a burglary case you are probably looking at upwards of 15,000.00 to start. If you have the money I'd go that route and let an atty. deal with the courts and her mental illness state. If she has conduct disorder and ADHD? Good luck - we talked to a few attorneys and said that ADHD is NOT considered a "mental" illness by any court - it's a condition controlled with medications, and Conduct Disorder was a fancy term for "wayward" teen. In our county there were NO sympathetic ears. We did get the paper, we did leave 100 messages with the PD, we DID go to his office only to have him skate out the back door every time we sat there to see him, and when he FINALLY went the night before court? HE KNEW and SAW the casefile, 2 file boxes thick - he had messages from our sons caseworker - and letters from our sons therapist.

It meant nothing to them - they held him in jail at 16 until he turned 17, tried him as an adult.

Also no legal place takes criminal cases on a Pro-Bono basis.

I'm not saying it's hopeless - I'm just telling you with her age and the system you have your work cut out for you.

 

[Rhonda]

Well not sure what is going on... Thanks for the advice it gives me an interesting angle to look at.

They took her to court this morning.. The jail only had a 40 min notice so I did not even find out about it until it was over. No one can tell me the outcome. Not the courthouse or the jail.. They all say that it is not in the system until 7 tonight. She will either be released between 7 and midnight or held until her actual court date.

They told me that she could have asked to call me at any time over the last 3 days. She has not called. She has not asked for help. Could be she is ashamed or afraid, could be she doesn want anything from me not even a conversation. I dont know and am not psychic.

If she is let go and calls me to come get her, I will do so. On the drive back I will ask her if she wants to stay with me or go elsewhere. If she wants to come home, then she will be required to go to couseling, get her GED, Work, and follow basic house rules, along with handling various responsibilites in the house to pay for her board (or she can pay rent which ever she chooses). If this is too much for her after her traumatic 3 days in jail, I will take her to the YMCA or drop her at the Youth Hostel. I will even pay for the night ($15).

If she is not let go I will visit her Sunday in jail. I have 2 days to decide how to handle that..

I hope what I feel is truly a turning point for me. I hope this rod that I feel down my spine isn't just a spurt of anger. I don't want to stop thinking this way or feeling this way.

Rhonda

 

[Suz]

I will ask her if she wants to stay with me or go elsewhere. If she wants to come home, then she will be required to go to couseling, get her GED, Work, and follow basic house rules, along with handling various responsibilites in the house to pay for her board (or she can pay rent which ever she chooses).

Rhonda, with all due respect, while I understand the temptation, your daughter really hasn't done squat to earn this very generous offer. I learned early on that Rob was willing to say anything that he thought I wanted to hear if he wanted something. You might want to wait until you see her making positive actions to make this deal with her. Being arrested for burglary doesn't qualify as a step in the right direction.

Suz

 

[Rhonda]

Thanks Suz.. but that is not my situation. She never asks for anything. I personally think that she will not want to come home at all, I will be shocked if she actually does call and ask me to come get her. The one thing I have done is instill in her the knowledge that when I lay down a rule, I don't budge. She has never pushed that much. If she doesn't want to follow a rule of mine she just ignores it and faces the consequences or she leaves. She knows that the actual "lack of sucking up" bothers me as much as anything. I don't understand a person who will not **** it up when they need something. She knows that and never does it..... she does not live her life with rules...

My offer would be truly generous. But it is easy to be generous when you are pretty sure that it will not be accepted. I would jump for joy if it were. I would love for her to at least think about accepting it even if it were for a couple of days. It would give me the opportunity to show her "tough love" if she doesn't walk the line. If she goes off on her own... she just gets her way without trying at all.

I may be off base here. Wish I were, but I don't think so. We will see. No need to worry too much unless she actually calls or shows up.

Thanks Suz.. I do know where you are coming from.. most of her friends are exactly that way.. They all think she should be in jail.

Rhonda

 

[rejectedmom]

Rhonda, You could find out the name of the judge hearing her case and write a letter to HIM/HER. I did this for my difficult child and the judge did read it and did do what I asked and ordered my son into a Residential Treatment Center (RTC). I think it depends on the judge... maybe worth a try. -RM

 

[standswithcourage]

I have also done that too. I contacted the Judge before the court date and told him my sons situation and that he needed to be put in rehab and the judge did it. However he didnt stay long and I cant say it helped him at the time.

 

[Hound dog]

Rhonda

Sending huge (((hugs))). I have no experience in this area, so no advice. Just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you and praying for you and difficult child.

 

[Suz]

Thanks Suz.. I do know where you are coming from.. most of her friends are exactly that way.. They all think she should be in jail.

Well, that is not what I was saying.

I simply meant that in your shoes, I would want to see her make some forward progress before I held out a carrot.

Suz