My God, does it ever end?

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by Mikey, Jul 6, 2007.

  1. Mikey

    Mikey Psycho Gorilla Dad

    Just got word that my brother was arrested for possession of prescription drugs without a valid scrip. If true, not only is his parole revoked, but he'll be up on new charges as well.

    He's been out and clean for over three years, not so much as a parking ticket. And now this.

    And McWeedy? Well, I don't quite know what he's thinking, but he's acting like "oh well, if he got caught...."

    :grrr:

    Guess he doesn't want to look into the mirror of his Uncle's face and see where he might end up if he keeps on his current path. It's easier to ridicule and minimize the tragedy unfolding before his very eyes. And somehow, he's blinding himself to the larger tragedy of those around my Bro who will suffer this with him - like his daughter, whom he didn't get to see growing up becauswe he was in prison.

    But somehow, that doesn't even make McWeedy's ole empathy meter bounce a smidgeon off of "zero". This is HIS FAMILY!! ARGHHH!!!!

    But then again, I guess the difficult child genes run true. Since when does a difficult child ever weigh the consequences of his/her actions on himself, much less on those around him/her who will suffer as well - if for no better reason than that they love the difficult child.

    Oh, and just to cap off the evening, when my Dad heard about this, his BiPolar (BP) blew the cuff off his arm and he darn near had another stroke (which would probably have killed him). He's okay now (at the ER), but it was a close call, and could easily have been much worse.

    This has been one week I could definitely have done without.

    Can I get off the merry-go-round now? I'm getting a little sick.

    :thumbsdown:

    Mikey
     
  2. judi

    judi Active Member

    Aw Mikey I'm so sorry. You are so right - these difficult children have little to no empathy for others.
     
  3. TYLERFAN

    TYLERFAN New Member

    Hi Mikey:

    Definately part of what makes them difficult child's is lack of Empathy..... :crazy2:
    From what I have gleaned from addicts......They don't get too affected by the consequences that they see others in, due to drug use, etc. They feel like "It" will never happen to them and therefore doesn't apply to them, so the lesson is usually lost. :hammer:
    My difficult child has seen friends die......many friends :nonono:....and she isn't scared enough by that, it seems.
    Hoping that your situation improves and also that of your brother.

    Blessings,
    Melissa :angel:
     
  4. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh Mikey! Im sorry this has happened to your brother and your family.

    Your right about stuff not hitting difficult child's empathy meter too hard. I have to almost play connect the dots for mine to show him how what someone else does could happen to him. Then we go through the false bravado before he later shows that it bothers him. For instance, he has a distant cousin who dove into a river and is now paralyzed. We jokingly asked him yesterday if he wanted to go dive into the river and he looked at us like we were out of our minds and said he will never be diving again because it isnt safe! So one lesson learned the hard way.

    About your brother. Do you know where he got those pills? Is there a chance it is a mistake? I mean is there a chance he was doing something right like taking them from someone else to throw away? Or even something more stupid like they are his but he just didnt have the prescription bottle with him. I have heard some places are real sticklers for that. I worry about that when I travel because I take some iffy medications.

    I will be praying for your family Mikey. Your dad didnt need this stress with his health problems and if your brother did relapse, this is going to be a bad example for you to deal with re:difficult child.
     
  5. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    You have to believe there is a light at the end of the tunnel,
    Mickey. Since l964 I have seen a few dim flashes but I keep waiting for the blinding light. I'm sorry your family is having
    such a hard year. Hugs. DDD
     
  6. Mikey

    Mikey Psycho Gorilla Dad

    <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Dammit Janet</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Oh Mikey! Do you know where he got those pills? Is there a chance it is a mistake? I mean is there a chance he was doing something right like taking them from someone else to throw away? Or even something more stupid like they are his but he just didnt have the prescription bottle with him. I have heard some places are real sticklers for that. I worry about that when I travel because I take some iffy medications.</div></div>

    Nope, no chance. Charges are that he stole them from a customer's home while there on a computer service call. After he left, the customer called the police and said "I have prescriptions for X, Y, and Z, and some of my pills are missing, and I think the tech who just left took them". When they picked him up, he had the exact drugs on him that the victim accused him of stealing.

    Since he was already on parole for similar charges, Go Directly To Jail - Do Not Pass Go, yadda yadda.....

    He spoke with my Dad's partner today, and basically said that he was done for. For him to have already given up says a lot about the case they have against him. My main concern is that now there's rumors surfacing about other substance abuse "issues" with him - drugs that are known to NOT show up on the normal drug screening UA panel that his parole officer uses. If that's true, and they can prove it, he's looking at worse than the parole violation and three new felonies he already has to deal with.

    And through all this, McWeedy is simply sitting back and going "DA__. That was stupid!" He then goes on a tirade about "the pigs" poking their snouts into another family and breaking it up. Even though my Bro has accepted responsibility for what he's done, my son still chooses to see it as the Police's fault that he's in jail and facing another lengthy prision sentance. Of course, that could never happen to him, because all he does is smoke pot....

    Yeah, right, that'll fly up to the point where I tell him I know he's involved with X, painkillers (which is one of the things my bro is accused of stealing and abusing), and of being a middle-man for others seeking illegal substances. Just pot? Not hardly.

    As much as I grieve for my brother, this is finally the lever I need to use with McWeedy. Whether he wants it or not, the love of those around him holds him accountable for his actions - and for the result of those actions on the rest of us. As soon as I get my senses pulled back together, I intend to tell McWeedy once and for all that he's staring at a prophecy of his future if he doesn't change his ways. And that, if he continues to live the way he does, then he can do it away from me and my family where I don't have to watch him destroy himself. At least my Bro, when confronted with the truth, was man enough to take credit for his mistakes. McWeedy hasn't grown that pair yet, I guess, so he makes do with false bravado and empty threats.

    My threats, such as they are, will not be empty. I cannot sit back and watch yet another loved one destroy their lives and degrade the lives of those they love. If that is the path he chooses, it will be out of my house as soon as its legally feasible. I love him too much, and cannot go through this episode with my Bro and not see it as a prophecy of my son's future. It's as if Bro wrote out a treasure map for McWeedy to follow, and so far, he's right on track to a similar doom.

    I used to point out Bro to McWeedy as a "success story", someone who actually made the hard (but necessary) changes to improve his life, and was reaping the rewards. Guess now I have to use him as a bad example of just how insidious, ruinous, and systemic drug use can be, and that it's a cancer on both the user and everyone around him.

    But then again, I might have more success trying to teach Calculus to a chimp. At least the chimp would get something out of eating the textbook, so some good would come of that fruitless endeavor.

    Please, somebody stop the merry-go-round.

    Mikey
     
  7. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    Mikey, the merry ground will stop when you have the courage to get off! It's not easy to watch a kid (or a brother or a husband...)run his life in the ground, but if you continue to think you have any control in their choices and take on the pain of their choices you will make yourself sick. And when you get tired of being sick and tired, you will stop and get off yourself. Unfortunately people make stupid choices. I've lived with that knowledge for years and it wasn't until I realized that all I could control was my reaction to their actions did I get to the point where I was able to handle their choices with a sense of detachment and sympathy.
     
  8. SunnyFlorida

    SunnyFlorida Active Member

    :nonono: Sorry Mikey for the continued black cloud that is hovering over you.

    Personally, I think the less you say to McWeedy, the better. He knows darn well what's happened. He internalizes most of it and doesn't know how or won't discuss it with you. But believe me...he knows.

    Addiction is an awful monster. I refer to it as a portuguese man-o-war. For they have huge tentacles that hurt everything in it's path.

    Sending some (((sunny hugs))) for you and your family.
     
  9. Ephchap

    Ephchap Active Member

    Mikey,

    I understand more than you know. I have an alcoholic brother, which is a big part of the reason I've been a bit MIA these past 6 or so months.

    He's 6 years older than I am, but I was also brought into the circle of hurt back when he began his binges in his 30s. He ended up staying sober for 11 years, but 2 years ago, fell off the wagon, and fell hard. By this time, he had lost his wife and family, we had lost my dad, and my mother had aged considerably. I was left holding the ball and it was getting heavier and heavier. I've had to deal with getting him help, over and over and over, again, until finally it had reached the point that he wouldn't agree to help. I had to step it up a notch and finally have him arrested. It's not a choice I wanted to make, but keeping my mother safe (since he was living with her) and getting her physically and emotionally healed from the ordeal was my top priority.

    I often refer to my difficult child brother when talking to my own difficult child son. Addiction runs in families, and there is no getting around it - my son has that gene. Having an occasional beer is one thing, but drinking until you are drunk is something totally different.

    My son gets mad with me when I compare him to my brother. Even now, he doesn't want to hear it, but I think it's important that he realize where his life could go. Yes, for 11 years my brother stayed sober, but for an addict/alcoholic, the battle truly never ends. One slip, and it could very well be the end.

    I hope your son sees his uncle as what could very well happen to him - the bigger picture.

    As far as having no empathy, it's those blinders that addicts/alcoholics, not to mention most teens in general, wear. It's sad that they are afraid to feel.

    Hang in there.

    Deb
     
  10. KFld

    KFld New Member

  11. hearthope

    hearthope New Member

    Like EW said, the ride stops when you get off.

    think back to when you were a teen, nothing bad would ever happen to you ~ they haven't experienced enough life lessons to grasp the whole picture.

    Sometimes the only way to learn a lesson is to experience the pain of your mistakes
     
  12. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Im so sorry, I was hoping against hope it could all be a mistake.

    I dont think there is a worse feeling in the world for a parent than knowing you can see that train bearing down on your child and they refuse to get off the track.
     
  13. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    if you are praying and asking God if it ever ends...the answer is no. but God will be with you thru it if you ask.
     
  14. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    AMEN, Ant's (very wise) mom!
     
  15. Mikey

    Mikey Psycho Gorilla Dad

    Well, just heard last night that Bro admitted to a pretty severe drug and alcohol problem - and that it's worse than anyone knows. What that means, exactly, he's not saying since all phone calls are potentially monitored by prison officials.

    But at least he's "coming clean". Of course, when you're stuck in jail, with no way out (no bail/bond because of parole violation), and looking at another long stay in the "blocks and bars hotel", it's easy to find God again...

    And McWeedy is still in denial, blaming the cops for arresting Bro and "breaking up his family" instead of accepting that Bro brought this on himself and his family.

    Then again, McWeedy is now also facing his own hard life choice, so maybe he's not real keen on accepting that drug abuse can cause serious harm to both him and those that love him.

    He'll find out though. And soon. In the mean time, it's time to dust off all the old tricks and routines I had to go through the first time Bro landed in jail. At least this time, he's not going in as a disgraced ex-police officer. He's simply another parolee who jumped off the tracks, like so many others.

    Maybe this time they'll offer him drug rehab at the state hospital. I sure hope so.

    Mikey
     
  16. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Cap'n Cannabais blaming the cops for what uncle did instead of looking at it as uncle's problem (and then, God forbid, taking a look at himself) is the equivilant of a child walking around with his hands over his ears and going "la la la la la".
    If he lives in that little piece of reality that he has created for himself (known as denial), he never has to face his own demons. However, this could be a blessing in disguise. Maybe not now, but down the road a bit, when he sees how hard this is on uncle. Who knows, that might be what it takes for him to hit bottom...
     
  17. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    BBK, I doubt he will hit bottom by observing what happens to other people. He is beyond learning by observation, in my humble opinion. It
    would be nice, however, to be proven wrong. DDD
     
  18. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Yeah, I thought about that after I posted it.

    One can only hope.
     
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