My 35 year old son who drinks but truly does not abuse drugs is going nuts and treating me like crapola and I'm done with it. It really makes me sick because I already lost one kid (Hong Kong adoptee), but I can't take it anymore. This is just a bit of what happened tonight. It is a daily occurrence and has been since his divorce. Before his divorce, he almost never called me. Now he calls me every day. Sometimes five times a day. He has no friends in Missouri, where he moved three years ago, so he tells me, "You're all I have." Lucky me. I finally had it. Here is an example of our conversation tonight. I'm still shaking from it. This conversation is not unique. He talks to his father this way too. Him: Mom, WHY DIDN'T YOU ANSWER THE PHONE? I'm going to SHOOT myself! I can't TAKE it anymore. Me: What is it? Him: It's J. (his ex). She called the babysitter and told her to put M. (her honey whom she cheated on him with) on the list of people who can pick Son up from daycare!!!!!!!! Me: (calm) Well, there's not a lot you can do about it. Try not to worry about it. It's really not a big deal. Him: F***** don't SAY that! EVERYBODY SAYS THAT! I HAVE TO TAKE THE C*** TO COURT AND SCARE HER. She's EMPOWERED! She told me to TAKE HER TO COURT AND I CAN'T! You're supposed to make me f****** feel better, not worse!!!! Me: Wait. Sonic is here. Hold on a second. Him: I CANT! TEL HIM TO WAIT! I'M HURTING, NOT HIM! Me: Look, I have other kids too! Him: I NEED YOU NOW! THEY DON'T! Sonic: (whispering) Oh, I hear him. I'll leave. Me: (to Sonic) Yes, thanks, later, Sonic. Sportsfan is upset Him: WHY DO YOU ALWAYS INTERUPT ME???? Me: Well, did you talk to R. to see if she can help you out? (R. is his girlfriend, God help her, who is ironically a divorce attorney). Him: SHE WON'T HELP ME! SHE DOESN'T WANT TO GET INVOLVED! Me: Maybe there's nothing she can do. Him: You're f***** no help. I"m hanging up! (Slam) (This is very short and tame compared to what he really said and he does this daily). Now, you may ask, is this a ten year old? Oh, wait. I told you he is thirty-five. He has a son and I'm starting to wonder if he's mature enough to raise this child. He doesn't talk this way in front of his son (yet), but I wonder when he will. I am supposed to visit Sportsfan and Grandson for a week right after Christmas. I have only seen Grandson maybe five times in his entire four years largely because he didn't make it possible...his ex ran the show and he didn't seem to think it was important for Grandson to know me. I was hoping that now that ex is gone, I could make some visits to get to know Grandson. But Grandson was only going to be with him a few days anyways and I'd be with Sportsfan only the rest of the time, when he isn't at work. I canceled my tickets. Sportsfan doesn't know yet and he will raise the roof. I will probably make up a lie, which I hate to do, but I don't want to 100% lose another son. I think I'll tell him I'm sick and can't travel or something else he can't blame me for. I am afraid to be alone with him. He has never attacked me or anything, but he has some very shady stuff in his background and he is not talking or acting safe. And telling him all this would be a waste of time. I'm not going to talk to him that often anymore either. I have three great kids---PastryChef, Sonic, and Jumper. I am going to focus on them and spend CHristmas with them and my wonderful husband. I am not going to Missouri to be abused. To be fair, Sportsfan is mentally ill, much like me, but he claims he can't afford to go for treatment and I have always thought he drinks too much, although he was never mean when he drank (before anyway). He doesn't pass out or anything, but I don't think he goes too long before drinking either. So maybe that is a factor. Maybe not. Sportsfan was never a "nice" or "sweet" person. I will never forget taking him to the park when he was about eighteen months old. He was climbing the monkey bars and a younger girl was climbing up under him. He grinned and stomped his foot on her fingers as she screamed. The mother told me off and I whisked him away, shocked and upset. Kids always seemed to get hurt around him and he just didn't have that sweetness that most k ids have. Oh, he did sometimes, but the older he got, the less he was sweet and the more he was both strange and mean. Sonic, Jumper, and Pastrychef don't like him, especially Pastrychef. Does even one person here think I should go to Missouri? I'm not feeling guilty, I just am still shaking, and stunned at how mean he is, and wondering how he can think his behavior is ok. He is never sorry. Never once apologized to me... I'm going to take my own advice and concentrate on the positive people in my life who love me, but, damn, I sure wish it wasn't like this. I'd love to have a close relationship with my only grandchild. Sorry that this is so long. Thanks for letting me vent.