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My gut is telling me it's about that time...
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<blockquote data-quote="hearts and roses" data-source="post: 320355" data-attributes="member: 2211"><p><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: royalblue">Well, fortunately, she has matured in the past year - a lot! So, I can usually find a moment where she's open to suggestions. What usually happens with difficult child is she calls me to complain about her circumstance. And I have learned that I cannot give in to her complaints. I can acknowledge them by saying something like, "Yeah, that stinks. So, what have you decided to do?" or, "Wow, that would bug me too. What's your plan?" I can validate her feelings of frustration and then put it back in her lap to come up with a solution for herself.</span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: royalblue">In my head, it falls in line with natural consequences. If she can't pay her insurance she loses her car. She's old enough and has enough of a life that she won't let that happen again. Since she's been working, she's been getting her nails done regularly, she eats out occasionally, she's been very happy having money. So, that has become a motivator for her. </span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: royalblue">So, when she comes to me to complain, like she did today...about her horrible moods and having her period for the past month, I asked her to remind me when her next Dr appointment is (it's tomorrow - I knew that, just wanted her to remember it) and when she said it was tomorrow, I gently suggested that she speak with her Dr about her crying jags and moods. She almost sounded testy, so I followed up with, "Hey, I gotta live with ya, hon, I'm just sayin" and she laughed and assured me she will bring it up and that she was certain the moods, etc., were related to her hormones. She said, "Ya, I get it mom...I know what you're saying. Don't worry, I will tell Dr X. Besides, Dr X knows me too well - she'll pick up on it".</span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: royalblue">I think the maturity factor has helped us quite a bit this past year, coinciding with my detachment. It's allowed her to figure stuff out for herself and mature, while at the same time freeing me and my emotions, not to mention time! I even enjoy watching her figure stuff out. It's just when I see her dangling dangerously close to the edge that I worry a little because I know how difficult it is for her to get back to where she wants to be. I worry that she will not get help until it's so bad and then be even more difficult. But, I've said my piece and the rest is up to her. I have a sixth sense with both my kids, even with H. I'm so attuned into their moods that the smallest shift registers with me. I often wonder if that's due to 'reading' difficult child all these years or if I had it anyway. <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/faint.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":faint:" title="faint :faint:" data-shortname=":faint:" /></span></span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="hearts and roses, post: 320355, member: 2211"] [SIZE=4][COLOR=royalblue]Well, fortunately, she has matured in the past year - a lot! So, I can usually find a moment where she's open to suggestions. What usually happens with difficult child is she calls me to complain about her circumstance. And I have learned that I cannot give in to her complaints. I can acknowledge them by saying something like, "Yeah, that stinks. So, what have you decided to do?" or, "Wow, that would bug me too. What's your plan?" I can validate her feelings of frustration and then put it back in her lap to come up with a solution for herself.[/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=4][COLOR=royalblue][/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=4][COLOR=royalblue]In my head, it falls in line with natural consequences. If she can't pay her insurance she loses her car. She's old enough and has enough of a life that she won't let that happen again. Since she's been working, she's been getting her nails done regularly, she eats out occasionally, she's been very happy having money. So, that has become a motivator for her. [/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=4][COLOR=royalblue][/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=4][COLOR=royalblue]So, when she comes to me to complain, like she did today...about her horrible moods and having her period for the past month, I asked her to remind me when her next Dr appointment is (it's tomorrow - I knew that, just wanted her to remember it) and when she said it was tomorrow, I gently suggested that she speak with her Dr about her crying jags and moods. She almost sounded testy, so I followed up with, "Hey, I gotta live with ya, hon, I'm just sayin" and she laughed and assured me she will bring it up and that she was certain the moods, etc., were related to her hormones. She said, "Ya, I get it mom...I know what you're saying. Don't worry, I will tell Dr X. Besides, Dr X knows me too well - she'll pick up on it".[/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=4][COLOR=royalblue][/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=4][COLOR=royalblue]I think the maturity factor has helped us quite a bit this past year, coinciding with my detachment. It's allowed her to figure stuff out for herself and mature, while at the same time freeing me and my emotions, not to mention time! I even enjoy watching her figure stuff out. It's just when I see her dangling dangerously close to the edge that I worry a little because I know how difficult it is for her to get back to where she wants to be. I worry that she will not get help until it's so bad and then be even more difficult. But, I've said my piece and the rest is up to her. I have a sixth sense with both my kids, even with H. I'm so attuned into their moods that the smallest shift registers with me. I often wonder if that's due to 'reading' difficult child all these years or if I had it anyway. :knockedout:[/COLOR][/SIZE] [/QUOTE]
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