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My H tries to ruin the holidays for me~
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<blockquote data-quote="hearts and roses" data-source="post: 390993" data-attributes="member: 2211"><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: darkslateblue">Daisy, I'm so sorry for your H's loss and I'm glad you've found a solution to help him get through the holidays. </span></span></p><p></p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: darkslateblue">My H did not lose his brother at Christmastime. It was in the summer and H also doesn't blame his blues-y-ness on that loss. His chief complaint about Christmas is that he feels everyone goes overboard (not us, but everyone else) and that he hates spending money. He hates shopping and he hates spending money on other people. He also hates getting presents (can't even wrap my head around that one!). In fact, he will tell me what present he wants, I will get it and then he puts it away and doesn't use it. He wanted this expensive digital notepad last year. I bought it on Black friday on line and all the accessories and he has yet to use it. He's like that with birthday presents also. He almost always returns anything we get him. I bought him a really great expensive mountain bike one year for father's day. He gave it away a couple of years later and then went and bought himself a $1700 street bicycle!!! OMG. The ONLY gift we ever gave him that he still has and loves is the giant charcoal grill on our patio with matching rotisserie. He loves the food aspect of the holidays and that's it. He doesn't even like the large family gatherings, though he goes along with it for me and seems to enjoy himself, but later will talk about this one or that one, etc. </span></span></p><p></p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: darkslateblue">I usually don't even pay him any mind about any of it but the leading up the holiday complaining is beginning earlier and earlier each year from H and it's almost as if he's trying to ruin it for me or dissuade me from gearing up for them altogether. It's not fair and furthermore, if his problem with the holidays does stem from some deep-seated childhood horror, he wouldn't talk about it anyway...that's just him (and his entire family). They just don't talk about it and then they believe it's just not important. H's family has made an art out of burying their feelings for centuries!</span></span></p><p></p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: darkslateblue">Star, he's not complaining about Christmas expenses - he's complaining because of regular ordinary expenses he has to face every month, as in the mortgage will still be due on the 1st of January. I don't know why this bothers him...it's also due every other month of the year as well, so why does it drive him batty that it is also due on January 1st, following Christmas?</span></span></p><p></p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: darkslateblue">He enjoys picking out and cutting down the tree. He enjoys watching me decorate the tree and the rest of the house, etc., and eating the cookies. But everything else he can do without. I'm not trying to change him but I just wish he would be less vocal about his disenchantment about Christmas. When the girls were little, he at least made an effort to be cheery and into it, but now it's like he's thrown in the towel! He behaves like such an old fogey about everything except cycling - the one thing he loves outside of work, lol. </span></span></p><p></p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: darkslateblue">Also, we do give year round!!! We are always donating clothing, money or supplies when we can all year, not only at Christmastime. However, there is a local women's shelter that I make a special donation to at this time of year in lieu or gift giving to extended family members. We also donate to food pantries. H likes when we do that, but he won't be a part of it - he likes hearing about me and the girls doing it. </span></span></p><p></p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: darkslateblue">I'm just going to do my thing and try to ignore him as best as possible! Thanks for the input everyone - it's been helpful!</span></span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="hearts and roses, post: 390993, member: 2211"] [SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue]Daisy, I'm so sorry for your H's loss and I'm glad you've found a solution to help him get through the holidays. [/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue]My H did not lose his brother at Christmastime. It was in the summer and H also doesn't blame his blues-y-ness on that loss. His chief complaint about Christmas is that he feels everyone goes overboard (not us, but everyone else) and that he hates spending money. He hates shopping and he hates spending money on other people. He also hates getting presents (can't even wrap my head around that one!). In fact, he will tell me what present he wants, I will get it and then he puts it away and doesn't use it. He wanted this expensive digital notepad last year. I bought it on Black friday on line and all the accessories and he has yet to use it. He's like that with birthday presents also. He almost always returns anything we get him. I bought him a really great expensive mountain bike one year for father's day. He gave it away a couple of years later and then went and bought himself a $1700 street bicycle!!! OMG. The ONLY gift we ever gave him that he still has and loves is the giant charcoal grill on our patio with matching rotisserie. He loves the food aspect of the holidays and that's it. He doesn't even like the large family gatherings, though he goes along with it for me and seems to enjoy himself, but later will talk about this one or that one, etc. [/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue]I usually don't even pay him any mind about any of it but the leading up the holiday complaining is beginning earlier and earlier each year from H and it's almost as if he's trying to ruin it for me or dissuade me from gearing up for them altogether. It's not fair and furthermore, if his problem with the holidays does stem from some deep-seated childhood horror, he wouldn't talk about it anyway...that's just him (and his entire family). They just don't talk about it and then they believe it's just not important. H's family has made an art out of burying their feelings for centuries![/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue]Star, he's not complaining about Christmas expenses - he's complaining because of regular ordinary expenses he has to face every month, as in the mortgage will still be due on the 1st of January. I don't know why this bothers him...it's also due every other month of the year as well, so why does it drive him batty that it is also due on January 1st, following Christmas?[/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue]He enjoys picking out and cutting down the tree. He enjoys watching me decorate the tree and the rest of the house, etc., and eating the cookies. But everything else he can do without. I'm not trying to change him but I just wish he would be less vocal about his disenchantment about Christmas. When the girls were little, he at least made an effort to be cheery and into it, but now it's like he's thrown in the towel! He behaves like such an old fogey about everything except cycling - the one thing he loves outside of work, lol. [/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue]Also, we do give year round!!! We are always donating clothing, money or supplies when we can all year, not only at Christmastime. However, there is a local women's shelter that I make a special donation to at this time of year in lieu or gift giving to extended family members. We also donate to food pantries. H likes when we do that, but he won't be a part of it - he likes hearing about me and the girls doing it. [/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue]I'm just going to do my thing and try to ignore him as best as possible! Thanks for the input everyone - it's been helpful![/COLOR][/SIZE] [/QUOTE]
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