My hissy fit (or "Christmas is over")

[Scent of Cedar II]

I'm so sorry for your pain, Witz.

Is it possible for you to practice the same detachment techniques we have all learned to practice with our children when family-of-origin stuff comes up?

They sound perfectly, mercilessly, pointlessly cruel.

Detaching from them and their sicknesses, putting distance between their emotional havoc and your secret heart ~ that is the only way to survive all of this, I think

My husband told me once that whenever I sifted (raked would actually be more like it, but we will use sifted, here! :smile: ) ~ anyway, that whenever I examined my family-of-origin stuff, I was weakened. husband likens trying to make sense out of what happens to anyone born into a toxic family when they try to revisit or reinterpret the past to opening a bottle poison, taking a big sniff and then, expressing surprise at having been contaminated.

That was good imagery for me.

Toxic is toxic.

It doesn't stop being toxic because the bottle has been sealed for a long time.

Every time you open the bottle, poison escapes.

Every time.

So, know the toxic family bottle is there in your psyche somewhere ~ but don't open it.

No point.

Poison is poison.

And there are so many wonderful things in our environments whose purpose is not to hurt us, but to heal and to help us grow.

Wishing all of us a happier, healthier 2008!

:spaghetti:

That's me, practicing my New Year's resolution for 2008 ~ to devour life and stop worrying so much about my overworked, under-valued, never to be entirely forgotten, sense of dignity! :smile:

Ahem.

Pass me them meatballs, Miss Kitty.

:rofl:

Barbara

 

[witzend]

I agree, Barbara. husband and I have to find a way to have a talk with L about not bringing the bottle of poison into my house anymore. I think that even she was a little surprised by my sister's comment to husband that "we got what we wanted" with our (lack of a meaningful) relationship with M. I'm also sure that despite her protests L knows what my sister meant by that, but I'm also sure that she was a little shocked at how cruel my sister could be to say so.

Actually, it's probably all the better, because I think that in spite of what I had always told her about how vicious they could be, L thought that their snide conversations with hints of scandal were private between them. I don't think L ever believed me that it was small change compared to what they would say to me (or husband - the least offensive person any of us know) if they were given the chance to take me down a notch face to face.

In th past it's been so difficult to tell her to "leave it be" when she comes back with "they love you mom, they miss you." Maybe she'll understand now.

 

[Star*]

Witz,

Tomorrow is NEW YEARS DAY -

I would make my PROCLAMATION TOMORROW TO L:

ABSOLUTELY, without a doubt, for sure, that NO ONE from JAN 1, 2008 forward is allowed to bring up your bio family IN YOUR HOME, IN YOUR CAR, IN THE PARK, IN A TREE, UNDER A BUSH, AT THE BEACH, AT THE LAKE, ON YOUR HIGH HORSE or anywhere near you. PERIOD. THE END. FINI -

and tell her if she wants to repair something - GO WORK for a fiber optics networking outfit.

THE END! :happy_new_year: