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My house is really a Three Ring Circus
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<blockquote data-quote="hearts and roses" data-source="post: 201741" data-attributes="member: 2211"><p><span style="font-family: 'Garamond'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: darkslateblue">I wrote the letter, it was pretty danged good. I even shortened it to exactly one page so it wasn't too much or too long that they'd both give up reading. I re-read it and then read it to my friend. And then I tore it up. </span></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Garamond'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: darkslateblue">After much consideration and reading here and talking with my friend, I realized that no amount of reasoning on my part is going to bridge a divide that has been going on for at least 9 years. I thought about thier relationship and how it's been since about 8 or 9 and I realized that that was just about the age that difficult child's heavy duty rage attacks and symptoms appeared. She has always said things that confirmed some deep set resentments towards H. He is her stepdad and although he's been a good one and H enjoys an incredibly close relationship with easy child, he and difficult child have always had an "I hate you, I love you" type of thing going. </span></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Garamond'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: darkslateblue">I've decided that 'it is what it is' and the only thing I can change is my attachment and reaction to them when things get heated. I can walk away - I can do exactly what I've always advised them to do. I will take the dogs for a walk or get in my car and go for a drive. I've done this in the past only to return home and have them each vent at me in the hopes I would choose one side or the other. From now on I will put up my hand and tell them "NO, YOU WORK IT OUT - THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ME" and then, if I have to, I will leave again or go take a bath. </span></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Garamond'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: darkslateblue">I can't be there when they are in the thick of things because it's too difficult to remain detached and uninvolved, though I try. I hate seeing two people I love so much hurting each other and saying things that they cannot take back. So, that's why I need to remove myself. </span></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Garamond'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: darkslateblue">And, as I was seething and feeling tormented by all of this, they obviously had moved on. There we all were, sitting around the kitchen table after dinner, just chatting things up, laughing, sharing stories and making plans for difficult child's birthday. I was doing my nails as a way of remaining somewhat separated from them, but I was listening. Later, difficult child asked if H wouldn't mind if she went to meet a friend for coffee - I told her to go seek out H and ask him. She wasn't happy, but she did it. Later, H, in all his obliviousness, asked me why she asked him that. Well, der. He's just so stupid at times. </span></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Garamond'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: #483d8b">Thanks ladies, once again, for helping think this through. And the puppy was scamping around teasing the older dogs again, but we're keeping a close eye on her -silly. Her eye looks better and the pain medications seem to be working.</span></span></span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="hearts and roses, post: 201741, member: 2211"] [FONT=Garamond][SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue]I wrote the letter, it was pretty danged good. I even shortened it to exactly one page so it wasn't too much or too long that they'd both give up reading. I re-read it and then read it to my friend. And then I tore it up. [/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Garamond][SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Garamond][SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue]After much consideration and reading here and talking with my friend, I realized that no amount of reasoning on my part is going to bridge a divide that has been going on for at least 9 years. I thought about thier relationship and how it's been since about 8 or 9 and I realized that that was just about the age that difficult child's heavy duty rage attacks and symptoms appeared. She has always said things that confirmed some deep set resentments towards H. He is her stepdad and although he's been a good one and H enjoys an incredibly close relationship with easy child, he and difficult child have always had an "I hate you, I love you" type of thing going. [/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Garamond][SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Garamond][SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue]I've decided that 'it is what it is' and the only thing I can change is my attachment and reaction to them when things get heated. I can walk away - I can do exactly what I've always advised them to do. I will take the dogs for a walk or get in my car and go for a drive. I've done this in the past only to return home and have them each vent at me in the hopes I would choose one side or the other. From now on I will put up my hand and tell them "NO, YOU WORK IT OUT - THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ME" and then, if I have to, I will leave again or go take a bath. [/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Garamond][SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Garamond][SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue]I can't be there when they are in the thick of things because it's too difficult to remain detached and uninvolved, though I try. I hate seeing two people I love so much hurting each other and saying things that they cannot take back. So, that's why I need to remove myself. [/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Garamond][SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Garamond][SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue]And, as I was seething and feeling tormented by all of this, they obviously had moved on. There we all were, sitting around the kitchen table after dinner, just chatting things up, laughing, sharing stories and making plans for difficult child's birthday. I was doing my nails as a way of remaining somewhat separated from them, but I was listening. Later, difficult child asked if H wouldn't mind if she went to meet a friend for coffee - I told her to go seek out H and ask him. She wasn't happy, but she did it. Later, H, in all his obliviousness, asked me why she asked him that. Well, der. He's just so stupid at times. [/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Garamond][SIZE=3][COLOR=#483d8b][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Garamond][SIZE=3][COLOR=#483d8b]Thanks ladies, once again, for helping think this through. And the puppy was scamping around teasing the older dogs again, but we're keeping a close eye on her -silly. Her eye looks better and the pain medications seem to be working.[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [/QUOTE]
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