My husband grump o'the day

[Shari]

The starter on husband's car is beginning to go out. The first time was 2 weeks ago. I was not going into the office that day, so I told him to take mine and I'd drive the truck. For giggles, when I left, I tried his car. Started right up. So I've been driving his car for 2 weeks. Last week, I worked from home and between trips to school and the library and the little grocery store, I started it 8-16 times a day. It stalled the first and only time on Thursday afternoon. I used a long screwdriver to tap the starter a couple times and it starrted right up.

If it was my car, I would not drop $200 on the starter just yet. I'd wait til it was a more common problem.

Anyway, Wee spent a couple hours at grandma's on Friday afternoon. I was picking him up when husband got home. He wanted the horses up, and he drove my car back into the pasture to get the horses! The only decent/nice vehicle we own, and it sits low to the ground and is front wheel drive, and he's driving it through the rutted out lane to the back pasture...OMG, I was fit to be tied. He just didn't see anything wrong with it, he drove slow, he said.

I said no more. Out of that car. Told him I'd been driving his with very few problems, but he could spend the money on the starter if he wanted, I didn't care, but he was NOT tearing up my car.

And then I asked the million dollar question. So...when's it due for an oil change? He said he thought easy child 1 and I changed it. Uh, yeah, we did. Last DECEMBER when we bought it.

We had a nice chat about how he checked the oil in the car difficult child 1 drove every other day, but how he also never checked it or changed it wihen he drove that same car, and where that same car is today. And now he's had THIS car for almost a year and has never changed the oil.

He brought up his truck, how I had said I would find a transmission for it....which I did...I also said I was not willing to pay to put a brand new transmission in that truck...and I put that ball in his court when it became clear that buying a new transmission was about the only option and I was not willing to drop $4-5k into a 20 year old truck with a motor that doesn't run like it should; but he was welcome to. And its only been the past 6 months that I've taken part of his paycheck for bills....he could have done something different if he'd opted and footed the bill.

It wasn't a pretty night in my house, but he left in his car this morning.

This makes me so angry. Why would anyone expect someone else to keep track of and perform routine maintenance on a vehicle they don't drive?

Ok, thanks for letting me vent.

 

[KTMom91]

Although I know you weren't asking for an answer to your last question, I have one anyway. You expect someone else to take care of the grunt work because you are too important to do it yourself. You don't bother to pay for car insurance, or to get your license renewed, or any of those little details, because you're just too busy with whatever it is you do all day. Then, when you get in an accident, in your wife's car, and HER license is suspended because she (unknowingly, but DMV doesn't care about that) let an unlicensed and uninsured driver drive her car, you hide the paperwork, and say to yourself you'll tell her later, because (insert reason here). When she goes to DMV to renew her license, and discovers she's been driving on a suspended license for three years without knowing it, you get all indignant, and can't possibly talk to her about that right now, because she's acting all hysterical. It's her fault this isn't resolved, because she's yelling and acting all crazy.

Sorry. I digress. It's selfishness. It's the mindset of thinking you are better than everyone else, and because of that, you don't have to play by the same rules as the other lesser beings that scamper around on this planet. It's also an inability to accept any blame or consequence, always pushing responsibility off on someone else. And with Useless Boy, his mother will bail him out before anything bad happens to him, like potential jail time for non-payment of child support.

 

[Hound dog]

Hahahahaha. Sorry. I know that wasn't really funny in the least. But in answer to your question?

My husband.

I've lost count of the number of cars he's destroyed over the years simply because he doesn't keep up with routine maintenance. Which is of course why it takes extreme circumstance for him to ever get to sit behind the wheel of MY car.

 

[hearts and roses]

Why would anyone expect someone else to keep track of and perform routine maintenance on a vehicle they don't drive?

Back in the day, it was the man's job to not only keep track of car maintenance schedules but to also do the work! My dad always did that stuff and I don't remember ever once our car going into a shop; my dad and brother bought the parts and did the work in the driveway! Mufflers, transmissions, brakes, oil changes, everything!

I remember years ago I once asked H if he would take my car for it's oil change. He looked at me like I had four heads and said, "Why?" I told him that was the man's job and then we both cracked up laughing. As if. I always take care of my car and he takes care of his. We remind difficult child/easy child to take their in for routine maintenance.

 

[Shari]

Back in the day, it was the man's job to not only keep track of car maintenance schedules but to also do the work! My dad always did that stuff and I don't remember ever once our car going into a shop; my dad and brother bought the parts and did the work in the driveway! Mufflers, transmissions, brakes, oil changes, everything!

We have friends who still operate this way. Needless to say, they get a bit down on husband about it. And the Mr in that couple doesn't mind telling husband, when husband says something like "She knew it needed a new battery, I don't know why she didn't get ont.", that it shouldn't be me that knows anything about needing a new battery...so maybe HE should have taken care of it.

lol

Never works tho.

 

[susiestar]

As far as car stuff goes, I think part of why my husband married me was he was fascinated with the idea of having a wife who could fix the car. I can tell what is wrong pretty often, though I cannot do the work any more. When we lived in OH I had a friend who would help me do the brakes, etc... husband will help, and isn't as clueless as he would like to pretend to be. He just has to be forced to actually THINK about what they tell him. Anymore he will ask my dad for help. Dad used to teach auto mechanics when I was little, and always did our car work. I was in college when he stopped doing any of it himself. Then I figured out that he only did it himself because he couldn't afford to have someone else do it.

But I have helped do almost everything you can do to a car, including putting a new engine in one. I got the "honors" on that job because gfgbro was too unreliable to count on (I was in high school and couldn't get away, LOL!) and I was little enough to fit into the tight places to make all the connections.

It drives me bonkers when husband ignores car problems and just turns up the radio. BONKERS.

So I totally understand your annoyance and frustration with your husband. Don't let him drive ANYTHING that matters to you or you are not ready to replace.

 

[Shari]

That's exactly why I found him a $1000 car... we're not out a ton when its time to replace it again...