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MY husband isn't supportive of the issues with difficult child...feel alone...
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 461686" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>First of all, welcome! Not sure I have seen your other posts, but I am glad you are here and to get to know you!</p><p></p><p>Second, it seems it takes most dads a bit longer to get with the program than moms, not sure why. I know my husband still has no clue about some things with our difficult child and he is now an adult. But I didn't let him get away with the kinds of things your husband does. My husband tried some of that, esp the explosions when difficult child ignored him or the rules. That was something I was NOT prepared to live with. It wasn't easy, and my husband is far more malleable on many things than most men. But eventually, with time, outside help, patience and putting my foot down when it needed to happen, husband did come around mostly.</p><p></p><p>I really thing that you and your husband need to see a therapist to work out some of this. You have some unusual problems due to him being away all week. He is likely wanting the weekends to be this wonderful family time where you do fun things and all is great. you truly are lucky that Izzy acts out when he is home. Otherwise he honestly would believe that you are the problem - and it would be very hard to convince him otherwise. I have seen it in my own family - for a while my son acted out when with me but not if husband was there. Partly because he was more comfortable with me because I was a stay at home mom and husband worked long hours, partly because husband wasn't around when some of the things that triggered problems happened. Once I started insisting husband work less hours because he was hardly home even on weekends, he saw a lot more of what I saw and apologized. But it took a long time for that to happen.</p><p></p><p>husband needs to understand that weekends are not the time for him to be Disney Dad or for him to come in and 'fix' Izzy's problems for you. His time at home is a time to actually parent, and to give you a break. If you are not taking a couple of hours of time for yourself on the weekend, then it is time to insist on this. It will benefit all of you. He should carry on with whatever Izzy's normal schedule is for that day/time and you need that time away to stay sane. He and Izzy need that time to have a relationship with-o you, and to learn to cope with each other. husband may not like it, but he has free evenings when he is away from home - I am sure that he is not working 24hrs a day when he is not home. He gets some time off, and if you are going to survive this schedule and parenting a difficult child, you need some down time away from them both too.</p><p></p><p>It will be easier to give him info when you have a diagnosis to work with. Until then, read The Explosive Child by Ross Green, What Your Explosive Child is Trying to Tell You (keep forgetting the author) and Parenting Your Child with Love and Logic, by Fay and Cline. Chances are that the Love and Logic book will appeal more to your husband, but the best results will come from melding the three books. I did not get ANY lasting help from my husband until we found Love and Logic. It seems to really click with men more than many parenting books. If your husband drives a lot, you can get it in audio book format to listen to in the car - check out <a href="http://www.loveandlogic.com" target="_blank">www.loveandlogic.com</a> to find more about it and the other books they offer. Some people do better with audiobooks, so that is an option to keep in mind.</p><p></p><p>I hope that the evaluations lead to some real help.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 461686, member: 1233"] First of all, welcome! Not sure I have seen your other posts, but I am glad you are here and to get to know you! Second, it seems it takes most dads a bit longer to get with the program than moms, not sure why. I know my husband still has no clue about some things with our difficult child and he is now an adult. But I didn't let him get away with the kinds of things your husband does. My husband tried some of that, esp the explosions when difficult child ignored him or the rules. That was something I was NOT prepared to live with. It wasn't easy, and my husband is far more malleable on many things than most men. But eventually, with time, outside help, patience and putting my foot down when it needed to happen, husband did come around mostly. I really thing that you and your husband need to see a therapist to work out some of this. You have some unusual problems due to him being away all week. He is likely wanting the weekends to be this wonderful family time where you do fun things and all is great. you truly are lucky that Izzy acts out when he is home. Otherwise he honestly would believe that you are the problem - and it would be very hard to convince him otherwise. I have seen it in my own family - for a while my son acted out when with me but not if husband was there. Partly because he was more comfortable with me because I was a stay at home mom and husband worked long hours, partly because husband wasn't around when some of the things that triggered problems happened. Once I started insisting husband work less hours because he was hardly home even on weekends, he saw a lot more of what I saw and apologized. But it took a long time for that to happen. husband needs to understand that weekends are not the time for him to be Disney Dad or for him to come in and 'fix' Izzy's problems for you. His time at home is a time to actually parent, and to give you a break. If you are not taking a couple of hours of time for yourself on the weekend, then it is time to insist on this. It will benefit all of you. He should carry on with whatever Izzy's normal schedule is for that day/time and you need that time away to stay sane. He and Izzy need that time to have a relationship with-o you, and to learn to cope with each other. husband may not like it, but he has free evenings when he is away from home - I am sure that he is not working 24hrs a day when he is not home. He gets some time off, and if you are going to survive this schedule and parenting a difficult child, you need some down time away from them both too. It will be easier to give him info when you have a diagnosis to work with. Until then, read The Explosive Child by Ross Green, What Your Explosive Child is Trying to Tell You (keep forgetting the author) and Parenting Your Child with Love and Logic, by Fay and Cline. Chances are that the Love and Logic book will appeal more to your husband, but the best results will come from melding the three books. I did not get ANY lasting help from my husband until we found Love and Logic. It seems to really click with men more than many parenting books. If your husband drives a lot, you can get it in audio book format to listen to in the car - check out [url]www.loveandlogic.com[/url] to find more about it and the other books they offer. Some people do better with audiobooks, so that is an option to keep in mind. I hope that the evaluations lead to some real help. [/QUOTE]
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