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General Parenting
MY husband isn't supportive of the issues with difficult child...feel alone...
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<blockquote data-quote="Kjs" data-source="post: 461973"><p>Hi. I must comment here because this is how I felt/feel. My difficult child also did not react to any of the "punishments" you mentioned. Just seemed to make things worse. From the time he was 4 years old he had me in tears. Knows just what buttons to push. But with husband, he could do no wrong. I would tell husband of things that was said and done, and he wouldn't believe it. difficult child could look husband right in the eyes and lie to him and husband would believe him. husband cannot take phone calls working in the shop, so I received all the calls and emails from teachers. At one point husband told me I was making it up. So, I had to print the emails. (he does not use the computer at all). I was so burned out with all the calls from teachers, all the times I was called in, all the doctor appointments. And I work. But, my schedule is 12 hour shifts which allows me home 3 or 4 days a week.</p><p></p><p>difficult child is now 16. And the behavior is like a rollercoaster. Just when things seem to be going good and you let your guard down....WHAM.</p><p>School was awful. It took atleast one quarter, maybe a little longer for things to settle down. He pushed buttons and pushed and pushed to see how far he could go. The high school he is at is not the local district school. It is a "choice" college prep school. Total in the entire school, 9 - 12 is about 300. The first quarter or so he was there was the usual. But....this school, all the teachers know him. All of them work with him. He doesn't have new teachers every year, as all these teachers know him. And what I have learned is it is HOW he is approached, that determines the outcome. In middle school teachers and staff would come at him in an accusing way. and he would become defensive and defiant. Although, I cannot seem to find the correct way to approach him, all the teachers and staff at his school do great. I am his target, and I have accepted that. A teacher or staff member can walk into a meeting and say something sarcastic and he'll laugh and reply back. If I were to say that same thing it would be the beginning of a fight.</p><p>In calmer moments he has told me that he doesn't want to fight. He doesn't want to feel bad. But when a fight begins he cannot control himself and he doesn't mean what he says. He apologizes. (but that doesn't take the hurt away) It is hard to keep in mind when hurtful things are said, that he doesn't mean this, he cannot control himself at this time.</p><p></p><p>His IEP gives him the opportunity to leave the class when he begins to feel frustrated and angry. He goes to a specific,pre arranged office, or room with a trusted staff member and he calms down. Then rejoins the class. Prior to this he has been known to flip over desks, throw books. He has the ability now to tell the teacher he needs to use his cool off pass, and the teacher has the option to tell him it is time to use his cool off pass. This has given him control over situations, and also gives him the ability to identify the onset. He has learned to take advantage of this though. Leaving a class and not returning because he doesn't like the class, or doesn't want to participate, what ever his reason. So it had to be written in the IEP that this is for 10 - 20 minutes.</p><p>I hope your evaluation's will help and you can begin down the path of a bit more normalcy. Good luck with the evaluations.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Kjs, post: 461973"] Hi. I must comment here because this is how I felt/feel. My difficult child also did not react to any of the "punishments" you mentioned. Just seemed to make things worse. From the time he was 4 years old he had me in tears. Knows just what buttons to push. But with husband, he could do no wrong. I would tell husband of things that was said and done, and he wouldn't believe it. difficult child could look husband right in the eyes and lie to him and husband would believe him. husband cannot take phone calls working in the shop, so I received all the calls and emails from teachers. At one point husband told me I was making it up. So, I had to print the emails. (he does not use the computer at all). I was so burned out with all the calls from teachers, all the times I was called in, all the doctor appointments. And I work. But, my schedule is 12 hour shifts which allows me home 3 or 4 days a week. difficult child is now 16. And the behavior is like a rollercoaster. Just when things seem to be going good and you let your guard down....WHAM. School was awful. It took atleast one quarter, maybe a little longer for things to settle down. He pushed buttons and pushed and pushed to see how far he could go. The high school he is at is not the local district school. It is a "choice" college prep school. Total in the entire school, 9 - 12 is about 300. The first quarter or so he was there was the usual. But....this school, all the teachers know him. All of them work with him. He doesn't have new teachers every year, as all these teachers know him. And what I have learned is it is HOW he is approached, that determines the outcome. In middle school teachers and staff would come at him in an accusing way. and he would become defensive and defiant. Although, I cannot seem to find the correct way to approach him, all the teachers and staff at his school do great. I am his target, and I have accepted that. A teacher or staff member can walk into a meeting and say something sarcastic and he'll laugh and reply back. If I were to say that same thing it would be the beginning of a fight. In calmer moments he has told me that he doesn't want to fight. He doesn't want to feel bad. But when a fight begins he cannot control himself and he doesn't mean what he says. He apologizes. (but that doesn't take the hurt away) It is hard to keep in mind when hurtful things are said, that he doesn't mean this, he cannot control himself at this time. His IEP gives him the opportunity to leave the class when he begins to feel frustrated and angry. He goes to a specific,pre arranged office, or room with a trusted staff member and he calms down. Then rejoins the class. Prior to this he has been known to flip over desks, throw books. He has the ability now to tell the teacher he needs to use his cool off pass, and the teacher has the option to tell him it is time to use his cool off pass. This has given him control over situations, and also gives him the ability to identify the onset. He has learned to take advantage of this though. Leaving a class and not returning because he doesn't like the class, or doesn't want to participate, what ever his reason. So it had to be written in the IEP that this is for 10 - 20 minutes. I hope your evaluation's will help and you can begin down the path of a bit more normalcy. Good luck with the evaluations. [/QUOTE]
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MY husband isn't supportive of the issues with difficult child...feel alone...
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