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My letter to sd admin - suggestions?
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 251557" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>I think, form what you said in your letter, you did it exactly right.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>The important thing is for you to remember - you have every right to be considered with equal or higher authority than anyonoe else on that team. It's something we ften forget as parents. And even more important than you remembering it - you have to go into every meeting exuding the air that you expect everyone else to know this too. Even if it's all a bluff, you need to havew this hold over them, so they will respect your position, your knowledge and their need to get YOU to sign off on what they want to do.</p><p></p><p>That's why I mentioned on another thread, even down to how we dress for such a meeting (like a Legal Aid lawyer - dowdy three piece suit and flat shoes, hair pulled back off your face, a trace of makeup but as if you are not trying to impress anyone).</p><p></p><p>One last thought that might amuse you - a few years ago, not long before I pulled difficult child 3 out of mainstream, the SD cut the number of teachers to his school so he would have been put into a composite class of 45 kids. The messing around associated with this had also resulted in difficult child 3 having three different class teachers in as many days, so I spat the dummy and began my "heavy" attack of telephoning people beginning from ground level and up. I had already spoken to the school, they were victims too. The technique involved first telephoning the SD Special Education staff (who were in a meeting), then the SD boss (in a meeting) then the next higher level at the Region (in a different meeting) and finally ending up with the NSW Minister for Education, whose assistant was NOT in a meeting, who took my call and promised to kick every rear end back down the line, who had not been able to stop me by talking to me.</p><p>The message at each level that I left was, "I am very angry, this needs to be fixed NOW. I am giving this person fifteen minutes to return my call, at which point I will be calling the next person up the line. I am keeping on calling up to and including the Minister, until I get satisfaction. If I have to go beyond the Minister to the media, I will do so and will also supply the names and phone numbers of those who were not willnig to talk to me."</p><p></p><p>The end result - I got a meeting, next day, with a chastened SD Special Education person and SD boss. I'd also been called back by the Minister's office and told just how hard their butts had been kicked, and had also got some coverage by a state parents rep on the radio and TV on the issue in broad. </p><p></p><p>The kicker that told me how hard their butts had been kicked - I was greeted with a politician's double handshake from the SD boss. You know the sort - you reach for the handshake, your hand suddenly becomes enveloped by both of theirs, then their second hand releases your hand and grips your elbow. it's a handshake for cameras (although none present for us at that time) and one designed to make them look like they look sincere, warm and loving. Which means it's a handshake they give when they're feeling anything BUT warm and loving.</p><p>It was a handshake that warned me to go very carefully in the meeting and not leap at the offer they made, because it meant I had more leverage than I had initially thought.</p><p>They offered a reinstatement of the original class teacher but carefully didn't tell us at first that it was only until they made a final decision (which I knew would be a reversion to their original "get rid of her" decision as soon as the spotlight was off them). So I used the opportunity to say, "What you reinstate now must be ratified as the staus quo for the year at least. This is a Special Needs child who has already been badly distressed and inconvenienced by the mucking around. He also will not cope in a large, composite class and you all know this very well. Do not 'be nice' to us now that you've been chastised, only to return to type later on once you feel you've placated me. I want my son's needs assured to be met, for this year at least. I must know now, or I will not accept your decision."</p><p>They locked it in and promised the teacher would stay for the year. Ofcourse, the school lost her the following year, but by then I was able to make alternative arrangements for difficult child 3.</p><p></p><p>Do not do what I did unless you are desperate and also prepared to follow through to the end of the process. It's not something you start and then walk away from. But you DO have power to use when you need to, if the need is strong enough. </p><p></p><p>A professional is often LESS powerful, because they have rules and protocol to follow. As a parent, I can break rules because I'm not bound by them. A techer may not telephone the Minister for Education, for example, without getting a bollicking by everybody in between and probably losing his/her job. But me - I can do what I like in this. But it's like crying wolf - you'd better be sure there is a huge slavering beast genuinely about to attack, when you do this. The cavalry will happily come to the rescue if there is genuine reason, because it makes them look good to do so. They don't want egg on their face any more than you do.</p><p></p><p>But Shari - keep your eyes peeled for the politician's handshake! If you get it, quietly shout hooray and begin your plans to put the thumbscrews on them.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 251557, member: 1991"] I think, form what you said in your letter, you did it exactly right. The important thing is for you to remember - you have every right to be considered with equal or higher authority than anyonoe else on that team. It's something we ften forget as parents. And even more important than you remembering it - you have to go into every meeting exuding the air that you expect everyone else to know this too. Even if it's all a bluff, you need to havew this hold over them, so they will respect your position, your knowledge and their need to get YOU to sign off on what they want to do. That's why I mentioned on another thread, even down to how we dress for such a meeting (like a Legal Aid lawyer - dowdy three piece suit and flat shoes, hair pulled back off your face, a trace of makeup but as if you are not trying to impress anyone). One last thought that might amuse you - a few years ago, not long before I pulled difficult child 3 out of mainstream, the SD cut the number of teachers to his school so he would have been put into a composite class of 45 kids. The messing around associated with this had also resulted in difficult child 3 having three different class teachers in as many days, so I spat the dummy and began my "heavy" attack of telephoning people beginning from ground level and up. I had already spoken to the school, they were victims too. The technique involved first telephoning the SD Special Education staff (who were in a meeting), then the SD boss (in a meeting) then the next higher level at the Region (in a different meeting) and finally ending up with the NSW Minister for Education, whose assistant was NOT in a meeting, who took my call and promised to kick every rear end back down the line, who had not been able to stop me by talking to me. The message at each level that I left was, "I am very angry, this needs to be fixed NOW. I am giving this person fifteen minutes to return my call, at which point I will be calling the next person up the line. I am keeping on calling up to and including the Minister, until I get satisfaction. If I have to go beyond the Minister to the media, I will do so and will also supply the names and phone numbers of those who were not willnig to talk to me." The end result - I got a meeting, next day, with a chastened SD Special Education person and SD boss. I'd also been called back by the Minister's office and told just how hard their butts had been kicked, and had also got some coverage by a state parents rep on the radio and TV on the issue in broad. The kicker that told me how hard their butts had been kicked - I was greeted with a politician's double handshake from the SD boss. You know the sort - you reach for the handshake, your hand suddenly becomes enveloped by both of theirs, then their second hand releases your hand and grips your elbow. it's a handshake for cameras (although none present for us at that time) and one designed to make them look like they look sincere, warm and loving. Which means it's a handshake they give when they're feeling anything BUT warm and loving. It was a handshake that warned me to go very carefully in the meeting and not leap at the offer they made, because it meant I had more leverage than I had initially thought. They offered a reinstatement of the original class teacher but carefully didn't tell us at first that it was only until they made a final decision (which I knew would be a reversion to their original "get rid of her" decision as soon as the spotlight was off them). So I used the opportunity to say, "What you reinstate now must be ratified as the staus quo for the year at least. This is a Special Needs child who has already been badly distressed and inconvenienced by the mucking around. He also will not cope in a large, composite class and you all know this very well. Do not 'be nice' to us now that you've been chastised, only to return to type later on once you feel you've placated me. I want my son's needs assured to be met, for this year at least. I must know now, or I will not accept your decision." They locked it in and promised the teacher would stay for the year. Ofcourse, the school lost her the following year, but by then I was able to make alternative arrangements for difficult child 3. Do not do what I did unless you are desperate and also prepared to follow through to the end of the process. It's not something you start and then walk away from. But you DO have power to use when you need to, if the need is strong enough. A professional is often LESS powerful, because they have rules and protocol to follow. As a parent, I can break rules because I'm not bound by them. A techer may not telephone the Minister for Education, for example, without getting a bollicking by everybody in between and probably losing his/her job. But me - I can do what I like in this. But it's like crying wolf - you'd better be sure there is a huge slavering beast genuinely about to attack, when you do this. The cavalry will happily come to the rescue if there is genuine reason, because it makes them look good to do so. They don't want egg on their face any more than you do. But Shari - keep your eyes peeled for the politician's handshake! If you get it, quietly shout hooray and begin your plans to put the thumbscrews on them. Marg [/QUOTE]
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