my life is a mess

[jodyanelson]

the past 2 years have been a freken mess i have been dealing with my sons bi polar and husbands alcoholism and a 15 yr old that had a baby and my 19 yr old going off to collage i feel as my life is falling apart oh yeah and did i forget to mention my mother in law who i love dearly is going to die in the next week .I have this fantasy that i will win the lottery and it will fix everything but in my heart i iknow it wont .... let me start by saying threw all of this i have still matianed some of my sanity thank god for my 3 youngest children who have no clue whats going on. I feel like i am a bad mom because i do not want my 18 yr old in my home and i know if i kick him out he will just get into trouble or go to jail but i know its not healthy for him to be in my home where he talks badly to his 4 and 5 yr old brother and sister and i do not trust him at all but still the same i do love him he is my child .. **** i think i am just rambling please deal with me . my husband has been sober for a few months but with his mom dieing i know he will start again my ex husband let my 15 daughter and my granddaughter go live with her boyfriend and now i hardly see them today is a bad day i just want to run away but i know i couldnt i have to many responsibility that for some reason falls on me and no one else . is it wrong for me to feel like i have had enough and want to walk away from everything ? the this I have said are just a drop in the bucket but they are some of the bi one that have me going crazy at the moment thanks for listening

 

[Confused]

Hugs and hang in there. As others will say Welcome but sorry you have to be here. Your going through a lot more than I am but just know we are here for you! Im so sorry about your Mother In law and will pray your husband doesn't start drinking again.

I don't know how I will be - probably a mess when my kids go to Collage it must be hard. And your 18 year old, it is a tough call for you to make, a couple others here I believe are going through the same issue with their child. Im sure they can help you out more but Bi Polar isnt easy to deal with( my friends daughter has it) Is that the 18 year old? Does he work? School? Your little ones just try to keep out of his way and busy until your son can calm down and be a little more respectful. I know they have ups and downs as well as uncontrollable issues. Give us more details if want/can of your son, and how your handling it, doctors, medications etc?

15 is so young, just keep trying to contact her, I cant even imagine.

 

[BusynMember]

joy, you have your hands full and I'm really sorry. The oldest boy is an adult and it's best to talk on parent emeritus, another forum, about adult kids because we have options and legal issues that don't exist with younger (minor) children. Do you think he is using illegal drugs? Is he compliant with his medication and therapy? I'll just say, as one whose problem kids are mostly grown up now, that it is his responsibility to comply with his treatment so that he is not a threat in any way to your youngest children. He WILL get into legal trouble if he hurts them in any way. You may too, for letting him live there, knowing he may be a threat. But those of us dealing with adult kids (18/up) can talk to you more about him on the PE forum by the way, you are NOT a bad mom if your son is a bad influence or maybe even dangerous to your babies.

I'm sorry about your daughter and the choice she made to go live with boyfriend. I feel she will regret it. All in due time.

As for hub, I'd go to Al-Anon before he starts drinking. If you have never gone, it is usually a warm and welcoming group of longsuffering people whose loved ones are substance abusers and they (I have found) are very loving and caring and willing to reach out a hand a listen to you when you are at your darkest...and you sound like you are in a bad place. You deserve to be treated well by sane people who have walked in your shoes. A therapist could also help you keep your head on straight during this very difficult stretch. Remember, you can not control your husband's drinking, but there are ways to detach from it.

Your three little tykes AND yourself deserve for you to have a good and rich and fulfilling life inspite of the bad choices some of your loved ones have made. You can not control them. You can only control yourself. You can learn detachment skills. If you go to Parent Emeritus you are almost guaranteed to get a long, loving, compassionate and wise response from Recovering Enabler. Her response alone is worth jumping over there.

I wish I could comfort you like she can, but all I can do is encourage you not to take ANY of this behavior of the dysfunctional people in your life personally. You didn't cause it. You can't fix it. In spite of their horrible decisions, including your "lovely" ex, you can move on to have a great rest-of-your-life.

Big hugs and hope to see you on PE