My Living H.............

[Jena]

Pamela,

jumping in late on this one my apologies.

i'm so sorry you sound so worn out i know those days their a horror.

i agree also it's not about him not loving you. i'd also agree on overhauling medication's at this point as well. you can't have him acting this way with you especially after going to doctor and them saying well it's just bad behavior. it's a horror to live with.

and therapy will not make a difference if he's not ready. id' work on medications' first then therapy after you get him stable.

hugs to you

your in my thoughts hang in there you are making a difference even if it does't feel that way

 

[susiestar]

Pamela,

I agree with medications first then therapy once he is stable.

I think you need to take time out and THINK about what you can and can't live with. Can you live with the violence? If not, what are you prepared to do to make sure both you and the animals are safe. When he is raging the animals NEED to be in a different place for their own safety.

I fully agree with having him clean up after a rage AND pay for anything damaged. I KNOW personally my mom and dad used to make me pay DOUBLE. Not sure it was a deterrent, but it happened.

CAN you continue to stay alone with him? Many of us, myself included, have been physically hurt by our difficult children. I always felt it was not fair to put either difficult child or myself in a position where he might do long term damage to me. He would feel real remorse long after, and I didn't think that was good with a child who tended to be suicidal. What will it do long term to difficult child if/when he hurts you and leaves lasting damage? What can you do to prevent it?? Know any big bruiser type guys who are family friends and would come over to stay with you? Or even another female friend?

At the very least, violence should result in a call to 911 and transport to a hospital for evaluation and admittance.

Personally, from talks with my difficult child long after he started living with my parents, I know the rages that only I was honored to be the target of were BECAUSE he knew I would still love him, no matter what. And I do, and will. He has never had a very close relationship with his dad, so he was afraid Dad would leave or something. I think this is why moms get a lot more of the rages.

The other reason my difficult child raged around me was because he KNEW I would get more help for him, and that his dad wouldn't make the calls to the docs. AND he knew that if he only acted like that around me, other adults in our lives would start to doubt everything I said, and pity him for having a mom who said such horrible lies about him. Twisted, but true.

I hope you can work out a PLAN for next time. And I like the idea of modelling respect for him. Modelling proper treatment of the animals would also be good.

Sending huge hugs,

Susie

 

[Star*]

How are you today?

Just wondering if you too; like me, walk away saying "last word freak!"

 

[wakeupcall]

Thanks for asking, Star. Today was better, tho not good. husband is home and unloaded on difficult child for treating me like a sister or a peer rather than his mother. (It won't make a difference, tho) I called his psychiatrist and she is adding Geodon to the mix. We'll see if it makes a difference. She's having me start it at night and then increased in a week if we have to. If that doesn't work, she wants to see us again. He has taken Geodon before (alone) and it didn't do anything, but it might do something combined with the Lithium. I think I read that it often takes two mood stabilizers to be effective. I'm starting it TONIGHT!!

 

[DammitJanet]

Geodon may help...hope so. My kid even now acts up worse when his dad is working out of town. He wasnt so bad when he was younger but now he knows I am not as able to deal with things. Thankfully we never had to deal with the real violence or attacks on me because I think he just knew that was one place he didnt want to ever go. He used to say he was afraid he would "wake up dead and buried" because we have 8 acres and half is swamp. No one would ever find him...lol.

 

[susiestar]

I hope the next few days go smoother with husband being home. Geodon may help with the lithium, fingers crossed!

Are you working on a PLAN for the next time he rages/is this out of control?? No matter what his age, this kind of behavior requires having a plan ahead of time.

I know that you will not feel safe the next time husband is out of town, living with our kids can be scary. Do YOU have a therapist and/or a psychiatrist to help YOU? If $$ is tight, you DO qualify for services at the Domestic Violence Shelter. You don't have to go into a shelter (though it might sound tempting) but you can receive services and they are most likely FREE.

I went there when I was ready to deal with the emotional baggage left from life iwth difficult child. It was a huge help, though they did not specifically have experience with a mom who had a mentally ill, violent child and a husband who was NOT violent. They still helped me with everything.

They also helped me work out a plan for IF (God Forbid) difficult child came here and was violent.

Just having a PLAN made me feel so much stronger and safer and saner.

Hugs,

Susie