Loving Abbey 2
Not really a Newbie
So tonight was the second time I have gone to the Adult Children of Alcoholics and other dysfunctional families meeting. Tonight went over step one and was about admitting that you were powerless over the effect of your family history and that your life had become unmanagable.
And for the first time I have realized that my life has been unmanagable for some time. I've always been an over achiever, which has really helped with being a mom of a difficult child. I've never really felt like my life was unmanagable, I've always found a way to be in control of the chaos and create stability. I managed my life completely.
For some time I've been living in crisis mode, first my marriage turning verbally abusive, my overly stressful job, s2bx been taken out of the house by the police, dealing with having to be a single parent again, then difficult child in the psychiatric hospital, stepmom being diagnosis with an aggressive form of skin cancer that actually burrows into the body, etc.
At this point, I go to work--hating most days, come home with very unstable difficult child, and once she gets to sleep, I go to bed with my laptop and that's it. I don't want to be awake because it's too much to have to think about my day and what tomorrow will bring. Maybe this could be called unmanagable-- and that's an idea that doesn't bother me as much as I would think. And sitting there with these people is actually comforting, they are very much like me or I'm like them.
And the best part is that it's about me, as a person, who I am, where I've come from and how to help myself be better---NOT about being a difficult child's mom. I'm not sure if this program will work for me, but I'm going to go whenever I can get someone to watch difficult child for the 2 hours.
And for the first time I have realized that my life has been unmanagable for some time. I've always been an over achiever, which has really helped with being a mom of a difficult child. I've never really felt like my life was unmanagable, I've always found a way to be in control of the chaos and create stability. I managed my life completely.
For some time I've been living in crisis mode, first my marriage turning verbally abusive, my overly stressful job, s2bx been taken out of the house by the police, dealing with having to be a single parent again, then difficult child in the psychiatric hospital, stepmom being diagnosis with an aggressive form of skin cancer that actually burrows into the body, etc.
At this point, I go to work--hating most days, come home with very unstable difficult child, and once she gets to sleep, I go to bed with my laptop and that's it. I don't want to be awake because it's too much to have to think about my day and what tomorrow will bring. Maybe this could be called unmanagable-- and that's an idea that doesn't bother me as much as I would think. And sitting there with these people is actually comforting, they are very much like me or I'm like them.
And the best part is that it's about me, as a person, who I am, where I've come from and how to help myself be better---NOT about being a difficult child's mom. I'm not sure if this program will work for me, but I'm going to go whenever I can get someone to watch difficult child for the 2 hours.
