My melt down, vent and whine

[crazymama30]

So last night everything hit. Everything that I have been going through with husband just came crashing down on me. I called my therapist in the middle of the day, talked a bit with her.

It all started with

husband went to his appointment with substance abuse treatment center. They told him they could not accept him as a pt unless he went off all medications. WTH! He is severley bipolar, has severe pain, and he will be homeless if he goes off all medications. They told him he would have to stop his suboxone as it is opiate based (which it is) and his Lyrica (cannot even move without it, the pain is so bad) and, get this, his Lithium! I told him F... NO! Do not sign anything, do not pass go, get out of there. They tried to tell him I would leave him if he did not sign up as they had a report from the psychiatric hospital. Oh no, if you stop your medications I WILL leave you, but get away from there now.

So he called and has an appointment with a therapist on Thursday, there is a support group that starts in Oct he is going to join, and he is waiting for a call back from a therapist who deals with chronic pain pts. He made all these calls himself, I had nothing to do with it. He found the resources, the numbers and he called. I am amazed.

The kicker? He now wants to fire his psychiatrist. There are very few good psychiatrists in this town, and his psychiatrist is very knowledgable about medications and knows husband like the back of his hand. I am really hoping that husband will calm down and realize how much this guy has done for him. Apparently in psychiatric hospital psychiatrist convinced (husband said forced) him to sign a release of information so psychiatrist can talk to pain doctor. I spoke with psychiatrist (big mistake) yesterday and asked him about it. He said he did not think he had forced husband to sign paper, and that he had not and had no intentions of telling pain doctor, what husband told pain doctor was up to husband. He does not want pain doctor to fire husband. It told this to husband and he got mad at me for calling psychiatrist. The day before we were unsure if psychiatrist's office was open (they were not) and I asked husband if I could call and check on type of Lithium to be given (in psychiatric hospital it was regular release, at home extended release, husband does best with twice daily medications not three times daily), about suboxone dose and about interaction with suboxone and dalmane. Now he is upset that I called, but he told me I could. psychiatrist genuinely cares about husband, the first words out of his mouth were "how is husband?"

I think that between him wanting to fire psychiatrist, and doing such a dramatic turn around it sent me for a loop.

And.....apparently he and pain doctor are talking about putting a pain pump in. Which is fine and dandy, but then he can go back to abusing pills. And, according to husband (whgich I know I should not take his word as gospel) he wanted to put husband back on pills!!!!! Oh no, I don't think so.

I am confused, happy sad a total mess. My eyes are swollen from crying, I have to to work and then leave for a pulmonology appointment with husband and then I have an appointment with difficult child's therapist to let her know what is going on so if difficult child does not understand it she can help him to. I am still shaking. I did sleep somehow last night. I just wish I could deal with this better, I hate this.

 

[hearts and roses]

I'm so sorry - for all of it. I'll be honest, I don't know how you've managed to get this far with husband. I know you love him and that the man you fell in love is in there somewhere. Good for him for at least wanting to get better and become free from the drug use. If he went into a center for abuse, they would first make him do a medication wash and then allow only the certain medications, such as the Lyrica, that he truly needs. They would not condone any use of suboxene or other pain relievers even for a while. My nephew who is 5 months sober from opiates was always in pain...his whole life, even as a young boy, he was always in pain. He complained of headaches, stiffness, joint and body aches, always. He used to eat Advil/Aleive like it was Pez candy. In rehab, without any way of numbing his supposed pain, he learned he really wasn't in that much pain (it took a long time for him to get to that point, like last week!)...he does have physical pain, but he was overnumbing the pain with his opiate use and abuse of OTC pain medications. He wanted to 'check out', get away from the pain of ordinary every day pain. The thing is, he hurt his family, both immediate and distant, by his abuse. At a certain point, we all had to the detach from him and that was the scariest thing. I am his Godmother and we've always been very close. It broke my heart to force myself not to 'help' him or listen to him rant and vent, make poor decisions such as firing one DR after another. In nephews case, we learned that part of the reason he wanted a new DR ever few months was because he was on the make, trying to get a Dr to prescribe him more medications.

CM, in no way am I saying your husband is like my nephew - I know from reading your posts that his pain is real. But his addictions run deep and he has breached your trust many times. Can you force him to stick with his current DR by giving him an ultimatum? I hate ultimatums because they rarely are effective, but short of allowing him to become homeless and on the streets, what other alternatives do you have? I worry about you - you have your own health issues and your kids need attention. Sending many hugs - keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

 

[crazymama30]

Hearts, at this point I just hate to add that. For so long I have wanted him to do more with his mental health decisions, to actively seek more help. Now he is doing that, and I do not want to hinder it. I may do that, but I just don't know. He was doing therapy with psychiatrist, and I may tell him that I don't care if he does therapy with psychiatrist, which I don't, but he needs to keep him on board for medications.

I am just lost and confused at this point.

I don't know how I made it this long either, I am either a push over or too patient, or in denial. who knows.

 

[Hound dog]

Drag husband over to the computer NOW, sit him down in the chair and have him read.

Been There Done That with bff. Seriously this has nothing to do with psychiatrist.....odds are he wasn't even aware they'd do such a stupid thing as to attempt to force husband off of necessary medications. *Sigh* We went through this same senerio with bff one treatment facility after another. It took several tries and lots of phone calls to find an outpatient treatment center that would work with necessary medications.....pain medications as well as mental health medications. The one that was found was excellent.....she went everyday, was drug tested everyday (tested for anything she wasn't allowed to have in her system) and attended classes everyday. A tough program, had she worked it I think she would have been ok.

Just finding one that will allow the pt to continue on mental health medications is tough. Simply because pts abuse these medications often. They are quite popular street drugs. But it can be done.

Most psychiatrists have little experience with treatment centers as it's not really in their scope of practice. psychiatric hospital yes, treatment centers,....not so much, they pretty much just know where they are and go by reputation like everyone else.

If I'd not been through this with bff in the months before her death I'd never have dreamed things were set up this way. But most are no matter how utterly stupid it is.

Keep searching, ask tons of questions, especially about medications. Remember this is going to be HIS treatment program, he needs it to work for him.

((((hugs))))

 

[DammitJanet]

Thats one of the things that worried me when starting with my pain management center...that they would want me to stop my psychiatric medications. I knew that couldnt be up for grabs. I was up front with them from the get go on that. Thankfully they understood completely.

I know how hard it is to find the right combination between the mental health part of this situation and the chronic pain part. I am dealing with it myself. I have yet to actually find the best fit.

Hopefully, your husband can get some help to deal with the pain and get his bipolar under control so his life is more under control. I think its the substance abuse issues that are clouding the whole box of wax. There has to be a way of dealing with that so he can deal with the pain and his bipolar.

 

[susiestar]

LOTS and LOTS of HUGS. husband should be encouraged to not make any big changes soon. If at all possible, go to his psychiatrist and pain doctor appts with him Insist if you have to. You can tell him that having chronic pain makes it a lot less likely that he will remember everything he needs to because the pain is so bad it fogs your mind. So you will go to bring up anything he forgets and to write everything they decide to do/change down so they won't forget itl

Lots and Lots of hugs.

 

[TerryJ2]

Aaaargh! Frustrating doesn't even begin to describe it. I am so sorry.
I'm with-Hounddog and others here ... keep searching.
In the meantime, get some sleep, if you can. Easier said than done, but you really have to take care of yourself.

 

[Wiped Out]

(((hugs)))

 

[crazymama30]

Thank you all for your support. Right now? I just wish I could wake up and it would all be over, all be done. I barely made it through work today without breaking into tears, don't know how I will make it through tommorrow. I just. don't. care. about much of anything. Nothing seems to matter, whatever. I am supposed to see my therapist tommorrow, what good will that do? I will just whine and complain and nothing will change. Just another $10 copay. I will go because I should, but don't see what good it will do.