my mom is a difficult child

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by carolanne, May 1, 2007.

  1. carolanne

    carolanne Member

    yep you read that right....tomorrow is my 39th birthday...oh joy....and for the first time in years, dear old mom sent a card. In years past she never did, said she couldn't remember it(huh? she gave birth to me and a twin sister who she always remembered but that's another story)...which threw me for a loop.

    I was very careful opening it, really needed to fight the urge to use my bbq tongs to do that...anway, I read the card and burst out laughing....it's so typical her...a blank card on the inside that read
    "I know what a lousy mom you have been. I know how you wore your daughter down and chased her away and now mourn the loss of her. To me, it's as if my granddaughter is dead...I haven't seen her in such a long time(her choice not ours) and weep for the day when I can hold her. Please know I am not judging you nor condeming you although in the end you will have to answer for all that you failed to do. I am only sending this card because someone needs to give you something on your special day and I know there isn't anyone else to remember you"

    :rofl: :rofl:

    I knew she couldn't resist...I just knew it. And the best part is I keep laughing about it...it doesn't hurt at all. I plan on taking it to my birthday lunch with my non friends tomorrow and letting them have a good laugh....snicker snicker snort

    Carolanne
     
  2. KFld

    KFld New Member

    <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: carolanne</div><div class="ubbcode-body"> In years past she never did, said she couldn't remember it(huh? she gave birth to me and a twin sister who she always remembered but that's another story)...which threw me for a loop.

    I was very careful opening it, really needed to fight the urge to use my bbq tongs to do that... </div></div>

    I can't decide which of these two made me laugh harder, how she can remember your twin sisters b.d., but not yours, or your urge to use the bbq tongs to open the card.

    Boy this post made my day!!

    Gee!! What should you send her for mothers day???? :surprise:
     
  3. HereWeGoAgain

    HereWeGoAgain Grandpa

    <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: KFld</div><div class="ubbcode-body">
     
  4. KFld

    KFld New Member

    I was going to suggest a dozen black roses, but I think your idea may be a little better :smile:
     
  5. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    geez oh man, is she my mom's long lost sister???

    it is funny though, how she stabs you and then says "no offense"

    I cannot even talk to my mother except very briefly and only once a week or more. a few minutes kills me. a suggestion for her birthday card:

    I know what a lousy mom you have been. I know how you wore your daughter down and chased her away and now mourn the loss of her. Please know I am not judging you nor condeming you although in the end you will have to answer for all that you failed to do. I am only sending this card because someone needs to give you something on your special day and I know there isn't anyone else to remember you"
     
  6. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    Carolanne, for your relationship to have deteriorated to this degree must have been devastating. I'm very sorry for your past pain. I'm so lucky-I had such a wonderful relationship with my Mom that I simply can't imagine a mother being that hateful.

    I hope you have a terrific birthday tomorrow.

    Suz
     
  7. Mikey

    Mikey Psycho Gorilla Dad

    Just my two cents....

    I personally wouldn't go with the "eye-for-an-eye" approach, no matter how good it may feel. For me, when I've done those things I've eventually regretted it because I lowered myself to the level of the person who hurt me (in this case, my philandering, womanizing, non-existant gypsy of a father).

    I can't tell you how many times he'd go six months or more without calling or writing his 8 year old son. And when I'd finally call him or write, his first comment was always some variation of "I'm glad to see your broken fingers/hand have healed enough to call/write me".

    When I got older, a few times I poked back, but in the end it never made me feel any better - it only made me feel worse because I was acting just like him.

    Again, that's just me. But rather than return pain for pain, I humbly suggest that you turn the other cheek and resist the temptation to strike back. If you don't, at best I don't think it'll make you feel better; at worst, it will probably give your mother even more reason to continue treating you the way she does.

    Mikey
     
  8. ScentofCedar

    ScentofCedar New Member

    Well, that was a terrible thing for anyone to say to anyone else.

    I'm so sorry you were raised at the mercy of someone who would do such a thing.

    It must have been a horrible way to grow up.

    I'm glad you posted about it, Carolanne. There is nothing like putting a thing into perspective to take the sting out of it.

    And she didn't even have the courage to say horrible things and mean it ~ she defended herself right after she said them!

    So she is a coward, too.

    Most bullies are.

    What a strange and heartless woman she must be.

    I would not go with an eye for an eye response, either. If it were my mother who had sent such a card, I would try to journal through the hurt she dealt me, and remember for myself, all the wonderful things I should have heard from my own mother, instead.

    What a horrible thing for anyone to send.

    I hope you have a wonderful birthday tomorrow, Carolanne.

    You certainly deserve it, for having survived an upbringing by such a poor excuse for a mother.

    You will have to do something nice for yourself tonight ~ and then, burn that stupid card.

    What a terrible woman she must be!

    Barbara
     
  9. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    mikey, well said.
    although I would like to tell my mother off and tell her off long and loud and good...I simply keep my distance for self preservation. for many many years I went back to that empty well and tried to get something out of it.

    you can only turn the other cheek so many times. after that, I say shake the dust of the person off your feet and run.
     
  10. Ally

    Ally New Member

    I dont know what else to say besides OMG!! I cant believe she actually wrote that and sent it.

    Ally
     
  11. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Carolanne

    I'm glad you've managed to move beyond where you're mother's petty viciousness can hurt you. I'm sorry that she just couldn't resist being so cruel to you on your birthday.

    On a much lighter note..... Seems you and I share a birthday. :biggrin: My 43rd birthday is tomorrow. :faint:

    I will wish you a VERY happy birthday tomorrow. :flower:

    ((hugs))
     
  12. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    I guess I never knew how lucky I was. My mother might say something like that, but never put in writing. :wink: I'm glad she didn't hurt you. You deserve better.
     
  13. AliceLee

    AliceLee New Member

    Wow, Carolanne. I guess you're used to that kind of behavior from your mother, and are able to joke about it. Your detachment skills are at work...good for you!

    NOBODY has the right to treat another person as if they don't matter. You DO matter...and I, for one hope you had a terrific birthday, despite the mean-spirited card!

    Hugs---Alice
     
  14. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    Geeez, I can't believe she used the occasion of your birthday to spew all that at you! I sounds like you're used to it though, if you can laugh about it! Don't forget - Mothers Day is coming up! :biggrin:

    :smile:
    I'm another one who will be wishing you a very ...
    <span style='font-size: 17pt'><span style='font-size: 14pt'><span style="color: #FF9900">H</span> <span style="color: #FF0000">A</span> <span style="color: #3366FF">P</span><span style="color: #33FF33"> P</span><span style="color: #CC66CC"> Y </span> <span style="color: #FF9900">B</span> <span style="color: #FF0000">I </span><span style="color: #3366FF">R </span><span style="color: #33CC00">T</span><span style="color: #CC33CC"> H</span><span style="color: #FFCC33"> D </span><span style="color: #FF0000">A </span><span style="color: #3366FF">Y</span>!!!</span></span>

     
  15. DazedandConfused

    DazedandConfused Active Member

    <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Please know I am not judging you nor condeming you although in the end you will have to answer for all that you failed to do. I am only sending this card because someone needs to give you something on your special day and I know there isn't anyone else to remember you"</div></div>

    Well, I'm the lone voice in the wind, I suppose, but something like THAT would not be met with silence from ME.

    Nothing vulgar, or anything like that.

    Oh, the fun I would have. :smile::devil:


    Have a VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
     
  16. kris

    kris New Member

    <span style='font-size: 11pt'> <span style='font-family: Georgia'> <span style="color: #006600"> carolanne, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! girl, you go out & do something super for yourself.

    i'm with-dazed on this one. there would be no high road for me with-this. i just wouldn't be able to pass up on the satisfaction of a good herd kick back.

    i love your humor about it. what's the point of weeping or wasting time on feeling hurt?

    one thing i would do is save that card so when she dies you can stick in her casket for eternal safe keeping.

    kris
    </span> </span> </span>
     
  17. carolanne

    carolanne Member

    Thanks everyone.

    Years ago I decided it wasn't worth my time and effort to have a relationship with this woman. She may have given birth to me but never acted like a mom. My twin has been her entire life....she even pushed aside our other two sisters, one which lies down with any man out there and the other is a methhead...

    I took back my power and I find it entertaining that she has nothing better to do than try and needle me.

    I AM a good person, a wonderful wife and mother...there are days I don't feel like they appreciate me, or even love me but than I'll find a message scrawled on the mirror "love you mom" or hubby will come out of his troll den(the basement) and just come and kiss my neck...

    She chose to be bitter...I choose to be happy and do not keep people in my life that do not add to it in some way..

    Cheers everyone :smile:

    Carol
     
  18. KFld

    KFld New Member

    That is a wonderful attitude to have. Yes, you are a good wife and mother!!!
     
  19. SunnyFlorida

    SunnyFlorida Active Member

    Well.....if that wasn't a toxic person who wrote that....I don't know what is!!!!!

    I don't think I could take the high road for very long...so congratulations to you. I think I'd probably return the card as undeliverable.

    Hope you had a great day! Happy Birthday. (I'd put an emoticon in but they keep disapearing on me)
     
  20. ScentofCedar

    ScentofCedar New Member

    <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: kris</div><div class="ubbcode-body"> <span style='font-size: 11pt'> <span style='font-family: Georgia'> <span style="color: #006600">

    one thing i would do is save that card so when she dies you can stick in her casket for eternal safe keeping.

    kris
    </span> </span> </span> </div></div>


    HA!

    :rofl:

    Barbara
     
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