My mommy heart is broken

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Kjs, Dec 15, 2007.

  1. Kjs

    Kjs Guest

    And daddy heart too. difficult child does go to other kids houses, not often but does go hang out. Last week he asked SEVEN different kids to hang out today because it is his birthday.they said yes.(tomorrow is birthday) He was so excited when I talked to him before school yesterday. He said, last school day before he is a teen.
    I finished my shift at work at noon and had an appointment right after in another town, so had to rush as it was. He called me 5 minutes after my shift ended and said his head hurt soo bad, and his stomach was upset. Wanted to come home. Sounded bad. I told him I couldn't. He called his Dad (lunch time) and dad went and picked him up. When I got home he was just curled up hugging his legs. Just staring. AFter hours of prodding he finally told me. Every Single kid made other plans. Not that they couldn't hang out, they chose to go to a different kids house, or hang out with someone else. difficult child said when it is someone elses birthday everyone makes a big deal. Not a single kid willing to hang out with difficult child. If only I could make him smile.
    This special day, alone.
    I had a talk with him, because he was so very sad, he was calling the kids bad names. He was online, he tried calling them. I had to talk to him. Had to try to tell him even though they are not being nice, he needs to accept their choice. Not to judge them, and not to be mean and call them names.
    He had a girl sending him messages, and he doesn't especially care for her, but has been talking to her. She asked him to the movies last night. But she was going with a group of high school kids, and difficult child said no.(I was happy)He was being not so nice in his answers. Tried to explain in my talk about how the kids make him feel, please do not make others feel that way.

    But I do not know anyone accept you people here who can relate to a broken mommy heart.

    So, How do I fix this. I would give anything for him to smile, have a friend call...anything.
  2. Kjs

    Kjs Guest

    I use to do that. I would take the kids to the water park in Wisconsin Dells. I would plan other cool, fun parties too. But as he got older, he would rather have just one, or two. I did tell him that some of the kids did have to go out of town, and won't be back until after xmas. I told him the holidays always interfere with his birthday.

    I DID tell him, that after the holidays, I will take him and a friend to the Dells, to any waterpark he wants.

    Last night he told me where he wants to eat for his birthday. It is IN Chicago. I am excited. I want to go. I want to see the decorations. An hour ride. husband doesn't like the idea, but tuff.
    now only if it would stop SNOWING!!!
  3. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    Since his birthday is so close to Christmas, how about a half-year party. The nice part is that it could be scheduled close to end of school year, be warm enough to plan something "cool" (water park, laser tag, etc.) and probably at least get him one or two kids to accept.

    I hated when the kids got old to say no on their own. It was birthday after birthday with my daughter doing things with me but not with friends. I understand how bad your mommy heart feels. It is one of the worst feelings in the world to see your child in so much pain.

    Hope you all have fun in Chicago and get home before the storm hits.

    Happy 13th birthday, kiddo. Believe it or not, it does get better as time goes on.
  4. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    'Hanging out' can and does change all the time for my difficult child. Was it an actual planned birthday party with invitations?

    If not, all is not lost for a special day. Often December bdays are done after the holidays are over, in January. I would try to plan something for then.

    My difficult child has been disappointed like this many times. Now, she is the one usually canceling - she is recluse-like. does break a mommy heart to watch them hurt or even ruin things themselves like he started to do on the computer.
  5. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh Kjs,
    My mommy heart hurts for your difficult child as I read this. Poor thing, kids at this age are so self centered. I think Chicago is a good idea to help him take his mind off it. I also like your idea of a waterpark after Christmas. Poor guy.
  6. ck1

    ck1 New Member

    Kjs: So sorry this happened to difficult child! My mommy heart hurt just reading your post. Kids are self-centered and mean, they don't even realize how it affects others sometimes. Hopefully these kids weren't trying to be mean, just a coincidence that ALL of them made other plans??? Just one good friend, that's what difficult child needs.

    Hoping the snow stops so you can go to Chicago for dinner... sounds like fun!!!
  7. happymomof2

    happymomof2 New Member

    Unfortunately been there done that. I forget which birthday it was but difficult child was in elementary school, he invited his whole class. 1 kid showed up. He kept sitting on our front steps waiting. Of course he was upset but my heart was totally broken for him.

    Not sure what the answer is. His birthdays since then have been at various places and even here at home and that hasn't happened again.

    Just wanted you to know you are not alone.
  8. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Yep, count me in as one who can totally understand. It wasn't just for b'days either - it seemed every event or occasion difficult child would invite people, they would cancel or simply not show up. It was so heartbreaking, I'm so sorry I know how you feel.

    Chicago sounds like an awesome way to spend his special day! Have fun, throw caution to the wind and celebrate! It is encouraging that he at least came up with a grand idea on how to spend the day.

    Hugs and Happy 13th Birthday to difficult child!!

    ps: I have to admit that whenever difficult child's friends blew her off like that, I wanted to hunt each one down and give them a stern talking to.
  9. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    Oh kjs. :sad: Another heartbroken mommy here for your difficult child. It's just so hard for our kids sometimes. Sigh...

    I'm crossing fingers for a stop to the snow - we're so. of the city and while husband said he saw flakes (and I don't think he was talking about the kids, LOL) this morning, we haven't gotten anything really. Forcast is allegedly for accumulation today but... I'm doing my antisnow dance for you! Hope you make it down safely and that difficult child has a good b-day.

    I do like the half-birthday idea. Weeburt's b-day is on the 20th and I've always felt so bad for him. It's such a busy time of the year and sometimes it takes a lot of imagination to keep his b-day and Christmas separate.

    A teenager... cool. :wink:
  10. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    been there done that. Sorry. DDD
  11. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    I am a Christmas baby - the 27th - so I know all too well how it can really stink. Growing up my friends were never around during that week or had family committments, etc. Or, we were traveling and so I hardly every had a fun birthday. In fact, one year my entire family forgot my birthday. We were it the first week of January when my mom remembered! It's a difficult time to celebrate a birthday when everything is about the holidays and new years! My family STILL will wish my Happy Birthday when they call for Christmas (I guess to save a phone call :rolleyes:). Thankfully, both exh and current H have always kept my birthday separate from Christmas.

    More hugs to difficult child~
  12. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Oh, I am crying too.................. :frown:
    I hate this for him! I wish I knew how to fix it too, but I don't. Just keep loving and affirming him for who he is.
    Kids are SO mean at this age, they are selfish, ruthless, little urchins - if only difficult child could see that as objectively as we can in our adulthood.

    Maybe do something special with him and that at least the both of you adore him...........that is more than many kids have.
  13. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    been there done that so many times we just stopped inviting kids from school. It was easier to invite kids from the neighborhood instead. They knew Travis better, understood him more, and always showed up. He never even minded that they were often much younger than he was since he played with them anyway.

    You could tell difficult child that it can also happen to a very popular easy child as well. easy child had her sweet 16 party. We went all out. She invited tons of friends from school. Since it was summer she had the whole backyard at her disposal. Two kids showed up. Out of about 30. The two she barely knew.

    Still it hurts our hearts when we see it happen and know there is not much we can do to ease their pain.

  14. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    I answered your PM before I saw this, KJ. I am so sorry for him.

    OK, me & Sue (slsh) will do the "don't snow in Chicago" dance so that you can get out here. She is south, I am west, you are north so you have to do the dance too. If there is anyone out there that lives in Lake Michigan, we would appreciate a dance.

    Gotta keep all bases covered.
  15. ysne58

    ysne58 New Member

    I am so sorry. This kind of thing is horrible.
  16. mrscatinthehat

    mrscatinthehat Seussical

    I hope you get your Chicago trip. So sorry he has to go through this.

    So sorry you have to go through it too.

  17. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    As a mom, I think this is one of the hardest things. I think partly because we've all been dissed by our friends at that age and know how much it hurts and how all-important friends are.

    Enjoy your dinner in Chicago. Happy Birthday to difficult child! :christmasgift:
  18. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    This sounds very painful for both you and difficult child- especially on one of the "big" birthdays. I hope this weekend is going ok for you both and that Chicago is blast!!

    My difficult child turns 13 in 6 weeks- your (and your difficult child's) experience has given me a head's up on talking to difficult child ahead of time about a Plan A and a Plan B because I can see something similar happening here.

    Happy birthday to your difficult child and happy transition to teenage years for you!!