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The Watercooler
My mother...again....(LONG)
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<blockquote data-quote="Mattsmom277" data-source="post: 378296" data-attributes="member: 4264"><p>WIthout having a existing court order granting her what she believes are "her rights", you are in charge of who contacts difficult child while in custody. Keep things simple, it is her who wants to make you think it could get ugly and complicated. Simply send a written letter to the facility where difficult child is, stating that as a parent you are exerting your right as a parent to say who can and can't have contact with difficult child. And tell them that your mother and brother are off limits. Period. What does this do? Eliminates your concerns about inappropriate and concerning letters to difficult child, AND eliminates the need for you to be in touch with your mother regarding being a "go between" regarding letters she sends. This will tick her off. Oh well. Just delete emails, return letters and don't take phone calls. Just walk away. You are the parent here. She WANTS to bully you and control you and difficult child. And its working. But it doesnt' have to. Call her bluff, just don't get in her face about it because it isn't worth it. What can she do? Honestly? Stand back and take your past out of the equation. What option does this leave her? The only thing is a costly and lengthy legal battle for "access". Well since she hasnt' done it yet, and since she doesn't bother visiting anyhow with difficult child, what are the odds? Okay, so even if she did it out of spite and wasted her time and yours ... what would happen? You even realize the odds of her winning are slim. I say the odds of her bothering are slim too. And whats the worse outcome? She did take you to court, she did get some contact, and you're back where you are now. Meanwhile, if it worked and she just steams and steams and bad mouths you to others, nothing has changed. Except that you stood up for you and for difficult child and ended her dominance over your lives and the choices you make for yourself and your son. </p><p></p><p>I think with a history like you have with your family, it is almost certain that most people would have this picture of these people as "all mighty" and to believe they can get away with anything. Well for many various reasons, their ability to hold you hostage to their wishes no longer is what it perhaps once was. You really need to dig deep and past all the pain and baggage and threats and past retaliations, and look at the situation as it stands now. You really need to allow yourself to get off this roller coaster. You are allowed. Repeat it to yourself : you are allowed!!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Mattsmom277, post: 378296, member: 4264"] WIthout having a existing court order granting her what she believes are "her rights", you are in charge of who contacts difficult child while in custody. Keep things simple, it is her who wants to make you think it could get ugly and complicated. Simply send a written letter to the facility where difficult child is, stating that as a parent you are exerting your right as a parent to say who can and can't have contact with difficult child. And tell them that your mother and brother are off limits. Period. What does this do? Eliminates your concerns about inappropriate and concerning letters to difficult child, AND eliminates the need for you to be in touch with your mother regarding being a "go between" regarding letters she sends. This will tick her off. Oh well. Just delete emails, return letters and don't take phone calls. Just walk away. You are the parent here. She WANTS to bully you and control you and difficult child. And its working. But it doesnt' have to. Call her bluff, just don't get in her face about it because it isn't worth it. What can she do? Honestly? Stand back and take your past out of the equation. What option does this leave her? The only thing is a costly and lengthy legal battle for "access". Well since she hasnt' done it yet, and since she doesn't bother visiting anyhow with difficult child, what are the odds? Okay, so even if she did it out of spite and wasted her time and yours ... what would happen? You even realize the odds of her winning are slim. I say the odds of her bothering are slim too. And whats the worse outcome? She did take you to court, she did get some contact, and you're back where you are now. Meanwhile, if it worked and she just steams and steams and bad mouths you to others, nothing has changed. Except that you stood up for you and for difficult child and ended her dominance over your lives and the choices you make for yourself and your son. I think with a history like you have with your family, it is almost certain that most people would have this picture of these people as "all mighty" and to believe they can get away with anything. Well for many various reasons, their ability to hold you hostage to their wishes no longer is what it perhaps once was. You really need to dig deep and past all the pain and baggage and threats and past retaliations, and look at the situation as it stands now. You really need to allow yourself to get off this roller coaster. You are allowed. Repeat it to yourself : you are allowed!! [/QUOTE]
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