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My mother...again....(LONG)
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 378466" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>I've often observed that the most unstable people I've ever met, were psychologists. In recent years we've been fortunate to meet some sane, sensible ones. Maybe it was from years ago... but if you think about it, it makes sense that someone with a personality disorder or other problem would want to study psychology, in the same way Temple Grandin studied animal behaviour. You study what you are most curious about, and what you are often most curious about is what helps you better understand yourself and your place in society.</p><p></p><p>With your mother, stop trying to apply normal rules of behaviour. She would be motivated by totally different things Why would she smile at bad news about you? Because her feelings run on totally different rails to yours. It's nothing to do with what you have actually done; it all is about her, and what she wants out of the people around her. People like her are a black hole of emotional drain. They can never be filled up, they can never be pleased with you, you will always feel you have fallen short of their expectations. So to her mind, bad news for you is poetic justice. You failed her, so problems for you make her feel avenged. </p><p></p><p>It is really important in your interactions with her, that you keep her standards in mind and not your own. The world revolves around her and it is everybody else's job to meet her needs, above all else. Your reason for existence, and your son's, and everyone else - is to keep her happy and cared for. Everything she does, is targetted to that goal. I wouldn't mind betting that her two reasons for wanting your son are:</p><p></p><p>1) he would be a plaything, something to amuse her. A toy, to play dress-ups with. That's probably at the time she was pushing your brother to apply for custody. And</p><p></p><p>2) she wants to groom him as yet another prospective carer for her in later life. So getting hold of him now physically is less important; keeping in contact and keeping him caring for his dear old granny is her priority. Her communication would be, "Love me. Ignore any bad things you've been told, just keep me in mind so that when I'm old and needy, you can come live with me and look after me. ANd send me money to pay for what I need." </p><p></p><p>She's not feeling particularly old and frail right now, which is why her attempts to keep in touch with difficult child seem contradictory. She just needs to know she will be able to get her hooks into him when the time comes that she needs him.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 378466, member: 1991"] I've often observed that the most unstable people I've ever met, were psychologists. In recent years we've been fortunate to meet some sane, sensible ones. Maybe it was from years ago... but if you think about it, it makes sense that someone with a personality disorder or other problem would want to study psychology, in the same way Temple Grandin studied animal behaviour. You study what you are most curious about, and what you are often most curious about is what helps you better understand yourself and your place in society. With your mother, stop trying to apply normal rules of behaviour. She would be motivated by totally different things Why would she smile at bad news about you? Because her feelings run on totally different rails to yours. It's nothing to do with what you have actually done; it all is about her, and what she wants out of the people around her. People like her are a black hole of emotional drain. They can never be filled up, they can never be pleased with you, you will always feel you have fallen short of their expectations. So to her mind, bad news for you is poetic justice. You failed her, so problems for you make her feel avenged. It is really important in your interactions with her, that you keep her standards in mind and not your own. The world revolves around her and it is everybody else's job to meet her needs, above all else. Your reason for existence, and your son's, and everyone else - is to keep her happy and cared for. Everything she does, is targetted to that goal. I wouldn't mind betting that her two reasons for wanting your son are: 1) he would be a plaything, something to amuse her. A toy, to play dress-ups with. That's probably at the time she was pushing your brother to apply for custody. And 2) she wants to groom him as yet another prospective carer for her in later life. So getting hold of him now physically is less important; keeping in contact and keeping him caring for his dear old granny is her priority. Her communication would be, "Love me. Ignore any bad things you've been told, just keep me in mind so that when I'm old and needy, you can come live with me and look after me. ANd send me money to pay for what I need." She's not feeling particularly old and frail right now, which is why her attempts to keep in touch with difficult child seem contradictory. She just needs to know she will be able to get her hooks into him when the time comes that she needs him. Marg [/QUOTE]
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