my mother is about done

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by muttmeister, Jul 13, 2013.

  1. muttmeister

    muttmeister Well-Known Member

    She's been living with me since November. Took her to emergency room yesterday; she was having trouble breathing.
    Doctor said the tumor (esophageal) has grown to the point it is restricting her airway. They will keep her comfortable. It may be a matter of just a few days. We knew this was coming; she is 98 and has had a good life.
    My big worry is that I have been struggling finanacially and she has no life insurance or funeral fund so I don't know where the heck I'm supposed to come up with 6 or 8 thousand dollars to bury her. I finally got my house refinanced so I'd have a little money to put on bills I need to pay off and now I'm going to be back where I started. I'm about ready to give up.
    Guess I just need a few encouraging words.
  2. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    So sorry Mutt. I will be thinking of you in the days ahead.
  3. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Sorry to hear about your mom. It is hard to watch for sure. Hugs!

    About the money, contact the funeral home right now and ask what the options are. I think they help as much as they can. We have a place here called 'Newcomer Funeral Home' that is national and the average service is about $2500.
  4. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry Mutt. Prayers for your family.
  5. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh Mutt, I am so sorry about your Mom. Sending you caring hugs..............

    Just a thought, have you considered the Neptune Society, I am not sure, but I believe they have low cost cremation. Perhaps doing some research online.....................saying a prayer for you and your mom..............
  6. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    {{{{{{{{{{{Big Hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}
  7. Marcie Mac

    Marcie Mac Just Plain Ole Tired

    So sorry - hope she passes comfortably and peacefully. Its never easy to watch.

  8. Dixies_fire

    Dixies_fire Member

    So sorry!
  9. mom_to_3

    mom_to_3 Active Member

    {{{{{Hugs for your heart from me too.}}}}}
  10. cubsgirl

    cubsgirl Well-Known Member

  11. ctmom05

    ctmom05 Member

    Marcie put into words what I'm thinking, too
  12. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Marcie, let me first say that I am sorry you are having to say goodbye to your mom. You are right that she has had a nice long life but I know it will still be hard to let her go.

    As far as the cost of the funeral, my parents were both cremated according to their wishes and it wasn't very expensive at all. We were able to see them in a coffin provided by the crematorium to say goodbye and then they took care of the rest. My parents were very practical and thought that expensive caskets and high priced funerals were a ripoff. In fact, they prepaid their expenses so it didn't fall on us.

  13. GoingNorth

    GoingNorth Crazy Cat Lady

    husband was cremated per his request. He also requested that we not spend a lot of money on it (his exact words had something to do with a pile of wood and 5 gallons of kerosene,LOL)

    We used the Neptune Society. They were very good. The process was handled in a dignified and respectful manner through a local funeral home. Eleven years ago the cost was around 1100 dollars. I should think it's gone up quite a bit over time, but they are probably your best bet for a cremation on a budget.

    There is no extra fee to get the ashes back and the funeral home will offer you a choice of urns to fit your budget should you so desire. husband wanted his ashes scattered at a specific location not far from where I now live.

    It took about two weeks to get the ashes back in a cardboard box. The funeral home handled the obituary and getting the death certificates. (get several more than you think you will need)

    I'm sorry to hear about your mother. I hope she goes peacefully and with dignity. You are in my thoughts during this difficult time.
  14. Jody

    Jody Active Member

    I am sorry about your Mom. I will keep you in my prayers and your Mom.
  15. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    I'm so sorry. :hugs: wish i had an answer for you.
  16. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Mutt...everyone but my father has been cremated simply because of finances. I could in no way afford an expensive funeral for my mother and even if I had held one, I dont think anyone would come.

    We had my mother taken from the hospital to the funeral home where they cremated her. We did pay about $250 more so that we could have a private viewing with all the family. Of course that was only a very few people. We had to wait a few days for one of my kids to get home from the military but it was fine. Im glad we did the viewing.

    I still have both my mother and grandmother's ashes in the house. Who knows, maybe my kids will just add me and my husband to the group and keep on collecting dead people!
  17. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry, Mutt. Many hugs.
  18. muttmeister

    muttmeister Well-Known Member

    Thanks for all of the good wishes and advice. She seemed to be rallying yesterday but, of course, that is only temporary.

    difficult child 2 is taking this really hard. I tried to explain that she is 98 and has had a good life and does not want to linger but I don't think i got through. He is 26 so he is old enough that he should be able to deal a little bit but it's not happening right now.

    As far as the funeral goes, there are only 2 funeral homes within 50 miles of us and only one allows you to do payments so we will have to go there. She already has a plot next to my father and the stone is there with her name on; she only need to have the date engraved so that will save a little. We will definitely do a creamation. It is unheard of here to not have a service but I am thinking of doing it anyway. Not sure yet.

    Anyway, thanks for thinking of us.
  19. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    (((Mutt)))~ I'm so sorry that you are losing your mother. It's still a life-changing event even if you know the day is imminent. I'm sorry for difficult child 2 as well, it sounds like he really loves his grandmother.

    We handled the service a little differently when my father died. We quietly planned a small memorial service and luncheon in the basement of our church for a few weeks after he died. This gave time for far-flung family to make plans to come and my brother to write a wonderful obituary. That was very important as my father's death devastated my brother and it helped him (somewhat) to come to terms with it. I hope there is something special difficult child 2 can do at this time that will highlight the close bond he has with his grandmother. (((Hugs))) and love to you.
  20. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Sending caring and supportive hugs your way. You've been an awesome daughter and your Mom surely has had a long life being proud of you. More and more frequently people are opting for cremation and bypassing the expensive options. husband and I have stipulated where we want our ashes to go and feel comfortable with the simplicity. He wants to have a visitation. I'm content knowing my soul will be in a better place. Don't feel compelled to spend funds you don't have. The important part is that you have been there for her on earth and will see her again in the future. DDD