My mother.....

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by jenndyson, Mar 19, 2010.

  1. jenndyson

    jenndyson New Member

    is driving me batty!! I love her dearly and think the world of her BUT to be such an incredibly bright woman, she's being so dumb, for lack of a better word. Mom is a nurse practitioner and awesome in her field. My sister is ADHD so mom has been through some of the things we are going through with our son. However, she's always making comments as though she's been there and done that every time I speak about him. Honestly, I'd take plain ole ADHD any day of the week but that's not what we were given. She even made a comment to his Special Education teacher that she's been through this before. His Special Education teacher! My sister never saw such a classroom or needed too. She never had a psychiatrist or psychotherapist. The differences between them are a mile long and yet my amazingly bright nurse mother compares them constantly.
    If you can't tell already, this really is griping on my nerves. I need to talk with her but she is the kind of person that knows it all and I still seem to be a child to her. Any suggestions on helping her wake up without causing a full on battle??
  2. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    It seems that often we have a person in our lives like this...a parent, sibling, friend or neighbor who just knows exactly what we are going through and wants to help soooooo much! They are well meaning but really drive us crazy because they know just enough to be

    I think the best thing to do is stop really giving her lots of details about your son. Keep things more on the lite side about him. Tell her the good things. The grandma stuff. I know I have one granddaughter I adore hearing all the good, bad and the ugly. We are close as two peas in a pod. The other one, eh, not so much. I have a communication problem with her mom and she seems to be attempting to push all my buttons so I just try to keep things on a very Grandma basis with that child. Sad but its just the way it is.
  3. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    It could be that she is trying to 'normalize' what you are going through because she feels helpless to make it better for you.
  4. aeroeng

    aeroeng Mom of Three

    My mom was always weird with my kid's Learning Disability (LD). She did not approve of the medications, the treatment or even believe they had any issues. Yet it was my Mom that fought so hard for me, and it was my Mom that never let her Mother's comments, discouragements or approval drive the decisions related to my treatments, or education. It is so confusing that the one person who saved me is the one so vocal? Age or what?

    So I decided to do what she had done before me. Make the best decisions I can, with the best information and resources I can find. And, not to worry about if I am pleasing my mother or not. I agree with the comments below. Minimize the information you provide, and don't let her have access to the professionals. They should not be discussing your child with anyone else, including your mother.
  5. jenndyson

    jenndyson New Member

    Great point JJJ. Hadn't thought about that and it makes good sense.
    I have started providing limited info, which at this point there's not much to tell really other than how his day goes. And I think she already realizes that she's not getting anything out of docs or teachers. She made the comment before she met his Special Education teacher that she'd like to hear what the teacher really had to say on things. As if I'm not competent enough to tell her fully.... when rather, I just don't think she needs to know absolutely everything. Like Janet's comment about telling the grandmother the good things. But once she was introduced to the teacher she quickly realized that the woman was not going to speak with her when the teacher pulled me aside and spoke in quiet tones about the day and some things they tried.
    I just think it's especially hard for her, being that she is in the medical profession and I've always called on her when the kids were sick and what not. But this isn't something I can fully discuss with her even though she's been through some aspects of it. She's a nurse practitioner, not a mental health provider and her experiences are not mine.
    I think my next step will be to print out some info on ODD and bipolar for her and then sit down to discuss the disorders, their affect on his/our lives and what changes we are making to help us all. And to ask for more support, other than taking our 8 year old for a night.
    I appreciate everyone's advice greatly. It helps to discuss life with a "difficult" child with others who are going through similar things. Thanks!;)
  6. Farmwife

    Farmwife Member

    My Mother still treats me like a child too. Makes me crazy sometimes. If she can't trust that she raised me to think for myself why on earth should I trust her opinions? Um, helloooooo.:faint:

    My Mom is a staunch defender of difficult child's rights and needs but then is a classic minimizer and enabler. She spoils him, lets him deviate from his routine (so so so not the thing to do) and lets him manipulate her. Anytime she watches him we know she will be too soft and cover for him. Then we have weeks of repair.

    I like my Mom most of the time but thank goodness she lives over 1000 miles away. Two visits a year is all I can handle because the difficult child fallout is massive. JUST had a visit last week...difficult child is a mess.

    I guess I don't have any advice. Just wanted you to know a lot of Moms are *ahem* a pleasure.

    I also have a more selfish reason for posting. If you figure out how to deal with your Mom could you please tell me the secret?:angel3:
  7. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    LOL....I have to laugh. I just picked up my granddaughter that lives in the same town as me. I see her every other weekend. I spoil her rotten. My favorite saying is that my grandkids are my reward for living through raising my kids. At least my oldest is, we shall see how the other two turn

    The mom and the maternal grandma with whom my granddaughter lives made the comment as I handed my granddaughter a rather expensive juice in the car how Keyana always told them that "Grandma always gets her favorite things for her" I just laughed. Yep...I can. I only see her for visits! They laughed too and said how lucky a little girl she is. This kid has it made. She lives with her Grandma and Mom and step-dad, then comes to my house with me and her Papa and Uncle Billy every other weekend which we split with her Daddy. Then at least 4 times a year we go see her Uncle Jamie and her cousins and also go see her Great Grandfather. She has a ton of folks who love her. Holidays are a madhouse!