My my...the recent letter from difficult child

[klmno]

A couple of weeks ago while difficult child and I were talking about his return home, I mentioned that after his house arrest and transition I might let him start dating to go to places where other people are, but not alone yet. Then later we were talking about waiting until the right time/situation/relationship for his first sexual experience and he said he wanted both him and the girl to have their "firsts" together, which I used as an opportunity to stress the importance of not rushing in because he would remember it forever. Then later, that led to me telling him I would go over the proper way to use a condom (mentioning that I'd use a banana and let him try it after showing him) before he got to that point with a girl. Now keep in mind, we aren't talking about a few weeks here, we are talking about at least months- he doesn't even know any girls right now, much less have one with a mutual interest available.

So today, I get this this letter from him with his wish list for things he'd like when he comes home and they are all reasonable- polish sausage and rice for dinner, goldfish and fruit snacks, levis (he'll have to shop for due to trying on), etc. No big deal. And a tentaive schedule for himself that will serve as a good starting point and can be tweaked as we find out specifics like school schedule. Simple, realistic, and I was proud of him.

Then at the bottom I read, "And Mom, don't forget, you need to show me how to put on a condom".

That's when I spewed.

I am soooo glad the "wrong" person at Department of Juvenile Justice didn't read that- it could easily have been taken literally, especially since they would not have known about difficult child's and my previous conversataion- and of course, that was NEVER my intent. I'm sure that's the furtherest thing from difficult child's mind, too. (He'd die at the very thought.)

I just thought I'd share my chuckle for the day! (And I wouldn't share this one anywhere else. LOL!)

 

[julie]

That is hillarious. Best laugh I've had all week. Thanx and at least difficult child talks to you about these things.My 12pc asked me when I told her about her period.She said "you're kidding me right, every month, for how long.I just said til your 50 and once again I got YOU'RE KIDDING ME RIGHT MOM!!Too funny.

 

[klmno]

LOL! I remember hearing that shocker too! Did you hear about the girl that forgot to ask her mother "how long" then after that first time and the week was over she told her mom, "Boy, I sure am glad I don't have to go thru that again". LOL!

Oh- I'm not so sure my son and I would be having these talks if he hadn't spent the past year in Department of Juvenile Justice and now we need to discuss terms of his homecoming- and being a single parent, I don't have much of a choice about being the person to get into the sex subject, too.

 

[ThreeShadows]

LOL, K! We used a book from Sweden to explain the facts of life to the difficult children, all done in cartoon form. #2 shut down completely and moved to a distant corner of the room, #1 looked at us in horror and asked "you guys do THIS???" We said "sometimes", he replied"eeeooohhh", I'll never do that". He hasn't stopped doing it for about 10 years...

My best friend told me her mom said "don't do it because once you start you can't stop", once she heard that, she could hardly wait!

 

[Shari]

That's hysterical!!

 

[klmno]

Well I thought it was hysterical- mainly because of my own reaction and just thinking about the humor of difficult child making his wish list. It wouldn't have been very funny if either or both of us had to explain to cps that it wasn't meant as it might have appeared.

But now that I think about it, is there some public website put out by the3 government about teaching teens this type of detail? I was ok with mentioning it to difficult child- but I could get a little stymied when I'm actually walking him thru it. I know I'll need to when he gets a girlfriend, but it just really was never on my list of things I looked forward to as a mom.

I don' think family life class at school gets into actually teaching a boy HOW to do this so there are no accidents do they?

 

[DammitJanet]

I dont know about a gvt website and I would be worried about looking it up online because of viruses.

I also wouldnt use a banana...the stem. Cucumber would work better I think. More realistic shape but you will never look at a salad the same way again...lol. Tony actually says just give them to him, he will figure it out...lol.

 

[klmno]

I thought they had to be orientted a certain way or else there was a good chance they would break- which of course is what I'd like for him to prevent. It's very awkward for me to think about but it's harder for me to think about being a grandma a couple of years from now- I want to be one but I'd like a few years after difficult child is on his own. LOL!

 

[DammitJanet]

Ummmm....K...oriented a certain way?????? Ok...I am dying laughing here because I just cannot reply what I want to say because I will be sent to the corner for sure!