My own misperceptions exposed and explained briefly

Discussion in 'Family of Origin' started by SomewhereOutThere, Jan 31, 2016.

  1. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    During this time with my dad's health, I have reconnected with both of my siblings.

    I am too sensitive so I jump to wrong conclusions at times and many many times I jumped to the wrong ones regarding my siblings and what they thought or why they did things. I was way off base in many of my perceptions.

    For this reason, I am not going to post about them anymore. I was so very wrong about both. Honestly, I am NOT being snowed...they are good people who I sometimes don't understand and sometimes they don't understand me. We are different from one another,but, really, I think we all have good hearts. In fact, I know it. I will leave it at that.

    I will let you all know about the health of m y dear father. I am just home now from visiting and it was very rough in many ways and tiring and sad.

    I appreciate your friendship and support and ask that you validate my knowledge that I have jumped to wrong conclusions and am at peace, although stressed due to my father's situation.

    Will update on father's condition. Pray please.
     
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  2. LoveSushi

    LoveSushi Member

    I'm so very glad to read this. Truly. Blessings and prayers to you and your brother and sister as you all go through this difficult yet healing time together. And prayers for your dear father.
     
  3. Scent of Cedar *

    Scent of Cedar * Well-Known Member

    I am happy this is so, Serenity. I will pray for your father, and for your family.

    Cedar
     
  4. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    Thinking of you this morning.
     
  5. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    Serenity, you are in my thoughts and prayers. May you and yours have peace of heart and mind during this difficult time.
    Much aloha and hugs
    leafy
     
  6. SuZir

    SuZir Well-Known Member

    So sad to hear about your dad.

    However if there is any silver lining, I hope you and your siblings will learn to communicate better and become closer again.
     
  7. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Thank so, suzir. We are doing well and I feel very foolish.
     
  8. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    And I appreciate your friendship and counsel, Serenity.

    Nobody else can validate or invalidate your conclusions, past or present. You have the right to change. I do not feel that it is necessary to invalidate past perceptions and feelings, in order to embrace new and changed ones.
    Serenity, I am so glad you are doing well, but I hope that you no longer feel foolish, for being human.

    I am glad you found common ground with your sister and brother. That is testimony to your heart, generosity and your strength.

    Please try to be kind to yourself, and show that same generosity and love to Serenity.

    That you were able to come together with your family, is a wonderful thing for your Dad, and for each of you.

    We are here for you.

    COPA
     
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  9. Scent of Cedar *

    Scent of Cedar * Well-Known Member

     
  10. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I did not wish this. It just happened. And I found out, in the process of talking, that I read things wrong in so many areas. I am glad to know that now.

    This does NOT mean I was wrong about my mother. Her deeds, more than words, showed her contempt for me. But it is true of my siblings. The act of her disinheritance and not calling me for a decade nor sending my kids even a birthday card showed her intent toward me. However, it is time to let it go. She has been dead a long time now. Now she is in a place where she can contemplate her deeds while on earth and I am at peace.
     
  11. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    Serenity, people change. Circumstances change. It does not mean that we were wrong, that we mis-perceived. Especially it did not mean we were foolish. That is what I think.

    We change when we see the need to, and the advisability of this. You, like every other person, is and was part of a family system. Everybody has their piece of responsibility in this. To believe that you are the fool in this, cannot be so. If there was foolishness, everybody has a part. You, I, everybody.

    We can mourn the past. Like I did with my mother. And I felt my whole life to have been a lie and to have been lived badly. There was no way to go back and change that. You and Cedar, helped me see that I acted for all of those years, for good reason. I will never again betray myself by putting upon myself all of the "blame" or "foolishness." I was helped through this by you both.

    These times as our parents die, bring up all kinds of horribleness, not just the loss, but loss of parts of ourselves. We need to stay present and try not to abandon ourselves. This is not what your father wants, and I do not believe you want that either.

    You have worked too hard. Stay present. Try not to look back, and to judge. Yourself or anybody else. That is our task. Especially with our parents. Because after all they are us and we are them more than we will ever be able to know.

    We are with you. I hope I am not being harsh.

    COPA
     
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    Last edited: Feb 1, 2016
  12. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Not harsh, copa, but also not correct. I simply was missing too much information. That absece made me draw wrong conclusions.
     
  13. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    SWOT you inspire me. I don't know too many people who would be willing to admit they were wrong. Sending good thoughts for your dad and for you and your family's strength during this difficult time.
     
  14. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Thank you, Nancy. I suspect if you were wrong, you'd admit it too ;)
     
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