my plan

[Jena]

so as many of you know from reading my other posts, things are getting hectic with the school difficult child is now in. it took me a full night and half of today with reading the advice given here and trying to figure out how to proceed. so here are my thoughts......

i am going to write the letter myself to the Special Education committee, requesting the 504 or iep be determined and proceedings begun, im also going to include past 5 diagnosis's and neuropsychologist report in my request.

i am now logging, via letter to the school every time difficult child can't get up in a.m. and gets to bldg. late a breakdown of our a.m. time logs as well as night before log's of what time she went to bed. i also have decided to record the p.m.'s and a.m.'s with difficult child as well.

i will submit a letter to bldg. attention school pysch, social worker, and teacher on a daily basis each and everytime difficult child does not get there on time.

i also have a call into the dr. who prescribed the thorazine i am going to ask him for his backing via a letter to the school backing his decision for chosing such a medication, reasons for, etc. and that the school staff suggesting herbal and threatening me against this drug is not needed he is prescribing doctor. i have decided if he is not willing to back me on this i am dumping him and will find another dr.

any communication i have with the school will be via letter as suggested to me by many great people here. i'm not going to accept verbal requests for meetings, or impromptu meetings at school.. i will also be bringing a tape recorder to each and every meeting if they request one.

basically i'm losing contact with the school. i've already recvd. one voicemail message from the head pysch stating that if id' like to schedule an appointment to meet with him, or any other staff in regards to the "problems" at home, and how to learn to handle difficult child better to alleviate them, as well as getting a plan of action into place in regards to her attendance and hw. (she missed two h.w.'s rexo's that she did not bring home) i was told by teacher to go back to the bldg. "since i'm not working" to get such missing things. not my job and i'm not doing it.

here's where confusion comes in and i have alot of legal work to do, i want records of difficult child's released to me, any notes made meetings held, etc. i want each and every piece of paper released to me. i think i can pull this off under the freedom of information act. ?? otherwise the 3 team meetings, or 4 last year various things implemented logs of school nurse visits is all just heresay and bs on my end. i trust no one now.

yup a real shame that this has to become my new job, ontop of looking for job because i'm broke. yet it is what it is.............my endles motto.......i'm convinced that will be on my epitaph!! lol

my attitude now is if they wanna play they pretty much picked the wrong parent. their scrutinizing me now, i've spoken with friend who had issues with this and had to pull her kid out of school due to it she said they get bad, don't be surprised if they call children services on you to state you aren't doing your job as mom ie. getting her into bldg. on time, etc.

 

[klmno]

Jen- sounds good- send the letter requesting iep eligibiity process to school principal and Special Education director via certified mail. Also, send letter to principal and guidance office requesting copy of complete record certified mail. I don't think the psychiatrist needs to clarify why he chose the script that he did- he doesn't need to answer to them- if he can write a letter stating the diagnosis and script, that should be more than sufficient, in my humble opinion. Others can clarify this or correct me if I'm wrong- I'm not an expert at this- and I had forgotten last mnight when I suggested that you post over here that the typical moderators for this section might not be readily available since they were hit with a hurricane last week, but Smallworld is stepping in to help.

 

[klmno]

Also, Jen, I didn't respond to an earlier thread of hers about not wanting to eat with others in the cafeteria. I used to have a MAJOR problem eating in front of others- be careful about referring to that as paranoia. That is probably anxiety- but others at school might make something more out of the term "paranoia". Now, psychiatrist obviously can't verify that she has this anxiety at school unless he has some valid evidence, but if he can include in a letter that if she is having anxiety at school over eating or (whatever else there might be), the recommended approach is for school to do XXX and YYY instead of forcing her to continue with that activity, it would probably help.

 

[Jena]

thanks, i appreciate your words. here's the thing school has said to me repeatedly through course of week go herbal i can't beleive your contemplating this medication, what are you doing, etc. their looking to nail me at this point i strongly believe and have called one of my attny friends who agrees. easier to blame mom than to try to understand difficult child's issues. so now if they want to play with me i'm going to blow the lid off this school their procedures, lack of legal knowledge in receiving such verbal suggestions the entire thing. basically i'm going to be their worst nightmare at the end of the day. and all because i want a few provisions for difficult child so that when the crash does occur things will bein place. piece of.................. you can fill in the blank. lol

i want dr. backing on letter. he already submitted ltr to school explaining his thought on diagnosis i already signed a release yet i have to cover myself here my ex is threatening a court order to stop the administering of medication. ppl are getting impression somehow i want to hurt my kid. go figure. yet i adore her and i only want whats best for her. so i'm going to gather it all, i'm gonig back to school she attended in pre k which is 70 miles from here to see if teachers there will write a brief summary of difficult child, i'm going to each adn every dr ive ever been to, calling her old babysitter. such bs at the end of the day.

 

[Superpsy]

jennifer,
Nice plan, well thought out…two main thoughts…
1. Personally, I would tell them if you’re planning on bringing a tape recorder.
2. You most definitely have the right to all of difficult child’s records. This is under FERPA.

A word of caution. You have every right to be upset. But don’t be too upset. An example of good communication is "letter to a Stranger" at wrightslaw.com. This sounds awful but most school officials will tune you out if you get "too emotional," treat the meetings and the entire situation like a business meeting. Stick with the facts and you'll be fine. Others here have EXCELLENT advice about how to prepare for meetings; I've never had to do it from the parent's side before. I would seek their counsel.

 

[dreamer]

be aware in some states you must notify school that you desire to record the meeting, and in some states they must agree and give permission. Sadly, - horribly- I have my own documented disability, and I could not write, and early on in issues with my child at her school, I requested to be permitted to tape record meetings becuz I could not write-----I thought it was simple and straightforward, but no, my district never ever ever gives permisssion to a parent to tape record and they got around makeing me this accomodation for MY disability by haveing principal take handwritten notes for me.....um, need I say, the principals notes did not always include everything the same way a tape recording would?

I would be careful how you handle the issue of you not going back to school bldg to get your childs hw......they can and might twist that to say YOU do not have your childs best interests at heart. They may use that kind of statement to try to say see- you are not doing what you can.......and when you try to tell them about the evenings and bedtime and mornings etc.....they very possibly can twist that up and make it seem as if you yourself are not trying hard enough or some goofy garbage. I would have a doctor, psychiatrist or therapist or whatever handle all those kinds of things at this point, not minute by miute detail, but in reports explaining how and why these are SYMPTOMS of your childs illnesses. The doctor could say for example- inability to fall alseep at a reasonable time due to mania,,,,difficulty to wake at a time conducive to getting to school on time due to medication adjustment issues or depression, lethargy related to depression etc. This helps make it clear you are working with medical professionals about these issues with your child, clarifies you are seeking medical and professional help- and lets school have it in writing from the professional that these are valid and common manifestations of her documented diagnosis'es. Doing things this way takes any "blame" of "incompetance as a parent" off YOU. This changes the focus from a "home problem" to a disability, an illness, a disorder. It gives you far more solid footing with which to request help from school.
BUT do be aware, some schools are still not going to be as cooperative as they should. You can maybe make them follow the law, but along the way, a resistant district is gonna pretend to not know the lwas, not understand the diagnosis'es etc.and will likely try to play games dureing every step of the process.

Yes, my oldest child had an "escape pass" so as to be able to leave class in event of panic attack.....according to her IEP and whew we had IEP meetings 3-5 hours long at LEAST weekly to reinforce all her accomodations and discuss how they were or were not working and why the accomodations were in place (school called all these meetings, and this went on for 3 YEARS) even then, her teacher would block difficult child at class doorway and refuse to permit difficult child to USE her escape pass, and would actually grab difficult child by the arm and shake her. In due process, the school nurse prsented a "log" of supposed visits by my difficult child to nurses office, which was where difficult child was to go per her escape pass? This log said my difficult child had been to nurses office x times in one month and becuz of difficult children level of neediness, school demanded we send difficult child to an residentail school-----upon LOOKING at this nurses log of difficult child visits? Turns out nurse had tried to say difficult child was in her office on many many days when according to calender school was not even IN SESSION at all!

Your scchool KNOWS the laws.....maybe they do not know a lot about your childs specific disabilities, altho I suspect they DO......but..they DO know - I have no doubt- that your child is a candidate for an IEP. They are just danceing around playing mind games becuz they simply do not want to bother. They are hoping you will get frustrated and disappear or something.

 

[dreamer]

be aware your school might charge you for copies of paperwork. also be aware they might try to play innocent and not give you everything at first. and they may make you wait even a couple weeks before they gather copies of paperwork. and then they might pretend they gave you everything and then excuse their ommissions by saying oh, that paperwork is in another office, or another building, or that paperwork is private or irrelevant etc. some schools will be very forthright and forthcoming, but, some will not.

 

[klmno]

Dreamer's post reminded me- when I received my difficult child's record, it had NO correspondence that I had sent the school. At first I didn't think that was so important, and as it turned out, it didn't get far enough to make a difference in our situation. but potentially, it could have been a problem because it could have meant they were not keeping ANY notifications that I sent them about difficult child, so they could claim that I never notified them about anything- symptoms, medications, diagnosis, excuse for being absent, anything. Make sure you're keeping copies of what you send and who you talk to. Also, i found it interesting that they did have scribbled notes in there that kind of proved they were trying to nail me. The Special Education attny found that interesting, too.

(This was in elementary school- thank goodness difficult child is in middle scool now.)

 

[dreamer]

it is also very important for you to keep copies of every single thing you write to anyone at the school.and for important paperwork, send it certified mail, return reciept requested and KEEP those copies of papers and the reciepts etc to document you in fact DID send paperwork to the school. Often unless things are sent that way noncooperative schools like to claim they never saw a specific paper.
You are going toneed someway to keep track of ALL paperwork related to your child and school.
Whew yes.......I resented the amount of work involved, the whole thing, I had to learn SO much.....not just about my childs disabilities but also how to navigate thru n uncooperative school district etc. I had to learn SO much re IDEA law etc. Yes, it was VERY unfair.

 

[dreamer]

klmno- LOL- um, my district, when we went to due process tried to tell the hearing officer that they never ever got anything re my dtrs diagnosis at all, and then they even attacked my difficult children psychiatrist and tried to say they did not think psychiatrist was even a doctor at all. LOL.....um actually difficult children psychiatrist is WORLD reknowned and listed top 10 in the field......LOL
AND psychiatrist had actually COME OUT HERE 5 hours from her office to discuss difficult child AT our school MANY times, and patched in via teleconference to many IEP meetings-----(in hopes of educating our district re childhood mental illness, not just for difficult child but for ALL mentally ill children) Well, after our district tried to question psychiatrists credentials formally? LOL? and after district tried to say they did not even actually believe difficult child had ever even BEEN to any doctor at all? Hearing officer said well, then, if thats the case, WHY did you ever give her an IEP in the first place all those years ago? and ironically difficult children then school teacher had previously been THe teacher inpatient at psychiatric hospital----and that teacher HAD discussed my difficult child and her time inpatient with other staff at the school, and KNEW who my difficult children psychiatrist was. AND- there were little side notes in the margins about my difficult children psychiatrist offering our schools staff inservices about children with bipolar disorder and common accomodations etc-----our psychiatrist offered to teach these inservices and classes to our entire district staff- for FREE. AND we actually HAD letters from our school, from different staff declining psychiatrists offer ----but yes, our district tried to deny they ever had any interaction at all, tried to say they never ever got so much as an absence excusal from difficult children psychiatrist EVER. BUT psychiatrist and me had kept our copies of correspondance and proof of certified mailing of all those letters etc to school. And hearing officer had a good point, - LOL- if school NEVER had so much as a single report or letter or ANYTHING at all, then WHY would they have ever done such an intense IEP all those years? and WHY would their school nurse have EVER administered school day doses of any of the tons of medications my difficult child trialed over all those years?

 

[klmno]

LOL! Dreamer- it's funny how this can all come back on them sometimes!!

 

[Jena]

hi,

just getting to read through these now, difficult child's been a busy girl today......... all great points, that i'm giong to have to refer back to periodically as i handle this and take notes.

i've implemented a few things at home as well that i found were lacking. difficult child is very nasty to me alot, she pushed me a few times this week, calls me names when she gets angry, i have an almost 16 year old with whom doesn't act that way towards me at all. so issues or no issues she isn't going to put her hands on me ever again.

i sat at computer tonight while i had movie on for her and i did a behavioral chart for her, basics like waking up in a.m. for school, staying in bed at night instead of dancing and not focusing on meditation and breathing i'm doing with her that i continuously have to put her back down again, hw, no name calling, no hitting, etc. i'm going to do some sort of star and reward system. yup should of had one in place i know but better late than never. we had one previously yet i've been so caught up in everything it's no excuse but i did it.

so i'm going to implement that monday. i've also noticed taht i'm not calling her on her behaviors enough, i'm allowing her to get to me too much. i have to handle her more like a business instead of getting emotionally charged by her insults and other stuff she does when i tell her no so she had 3 time out's today alone she hates them bigtime.

i know none of this may work yet i need to get some assemblance of normalcy in my home. by the way i can't do this medication, i've tried to convince myself to make it ok in my mind and i just don't think i can do it. so it's back to the drawing board to see if i can find an anti anxiety medication again........... i know i should just give up and give her the thorazine but i just can't my gut is not ok with it.

 

[dreamer]

Many kids do great with behavior mod and rewards charts etc.....BUT some kids do not. Some kids CAN'T. If an ill child COULD conform with a rewards system, many kids would not need many accomodations, medications etc. If your child does not have medication stability going right now, most behav mod and rewards sytems will not work well, and could cause problems to become even worse. Have you been useing the thorazine? I did not look thorazine up- and I do not know if there are adjustments to starting it, or if there is withdrawl issues going off it.

If your almost 16 yo does not have any diagnosis, no symptoms of illness or disorder, your 16 yo and your difficult child will not behave at all the same most of the time. The illnesses listed in sig for your younger child by nature are often responsible for ugly behaviors and name calling. I'm not saying accept it or just let it go, but I am saying that it is very possible your child literally might not have control over these behaviors. And if your child has no control over them, behav mod will not address the behaviors.
Did anyone at this site suggest a book about basket method? I think written by a Ross Greene? Or maybe the Explosive Child? or The Bipolar Child? You might be able to find some ideas in those books to help you cope with your child right now. But yes, stability and consistancy are important....

Maybe you could ask on the general forum for ideas of how to get thru right now while you are trying to get some kind of medication on board that helps your child?

 

[klmno]

It probably is a good idea to try Behavior Modification, but I think Dreamer is right so don't be shocked if you use this consistently and it makes things worse. If that happens, I'd recommend sstopping it immediately. That is what happened with my son. I've read that it can make BiPolar (BP) kids worse because it sets them up for failure (although that might not apply to all kids with BiPolar (BP)). All I know is that when difficult child is not symptommatic, we really don't need the contract and when he is symptommatic, you might as well throw the contract out the window- and yes, it definitely made things worse in those times. We do use rewards and consequences, but they aren't tied together and we have no contract, just an allowance policy and of course, certain punishments for certain misbehaviors (not coming home on time, typical teen stuff). I don't have something on there for raging at this point.

Oh- the reason I think it's probably good to still try it is that if it works, it might prevent a mis-diagnosis of BiPolar (BP). If it doesn't work, you can honestly tell all those people in the future that you have already tried this when they try to cure BiPolar (BP) with Behavior Modification.

 

[Lillyth]

Dreamer's post reminded me- when I received my difficult child's record, it had NO correspondence that I had sent the school. At first I didn't think that was so important, and as it turned out, it didn't get far enough to make a difference in our situation. but potentially, it could have been a problem because it could have meant they were not keeping ANY notifications that I sent them about difficult child, so they could claim that I never notified them about anything- symptoms, medications, diagnosis, excuse for being absent, anything. Make sure you're keeping copies of what you send and who you talk to. Also, i found it interesting that they did have scribbled notes in there that kind of proved they were trying to nail me. The Special Education attny found that interesting, too.

(This was in elementary school- thank goodness difficult child is in middle scool now.)

You want not only the *** folder, but the SST folder or IEP folder, or whatever it is they call the folder where they keep the letters & confidential stuff.

I had the same issue with my son's school.

I would also buy a composition notebook and keep notes, in chronological order. That way, if it ever comes down it it, the book is bound and in chron. order, that way your stuff will have more veracity than just a single sheet of paper. Anyone can type a single sheet five months later & back date it, but if you have everything in chron. order, then it will go a long way to proving your case...

 

[Jena]

good points made by all............

i have made a chart for her, and am slowly implementing it this week. i have read and spoken to rosalie greenberg who is supposedly top in BiPolar (BP), i also spoke with pappolos, read all the suggested materials, the explosive child, made contact with the bipolar institue as well , NIMH, and a few others. They have been great, and also provide free reading material they actually ship them to me fed ex. absolutely wonderful.

i've made some drastic changes past few days, i'm switching doctors i've decided i am not giving her thorazine my mom gut says no, lillyth had made a good point last night in regards to high functioning autism and asperger's syndrome. so i have placed a call into the cody center which is not far from me for an evaluation to be done. i have waited 5 days fora return phone call from the dr. and have not recvd. one, not acceptable to me.

so i contacted the doctor in nyc with whom was treating difficult child prior. he was very expensive, yet he was good difficult child loved him, he was patient with her and they talked alot he would answer the phone to me at any time of day or hour in order to get input or if i had problem with medication. so i lucked out i sent email left voicemail and he actually called me back. he also knows i can't afford him so i'm hoping we'll be pro bono............