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Parent Emeritus
my problem, not grave or scary
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<blockquote data-quote="AnnieO" data-source="post: 628367" data-attributes="member: 6705"><p>*HUGS*</p><p></p><p>I don't know about "the worst sort", but dear, you certainly ARE an enabler.</p><p></p><p>If she's not asking, why are you doing for her? If she isn't trying to help herself, why help her?</p><p></p><p>It hurts REALLY BAD to have to let it go. I had to change my name last fall when my difficult child, Belle, started posting nasties here. Things have changed a bit, she's in prison now - her own bad choices. But they are HER choices.</p><p></p><p>How do you not feel sorry for them? Well, I do feel bad for my daughter. But - she is an adult. Yours knows HOW to do this stuff, but chooses not to. Why? Because she knows that, eventually, you will.</p><p></p><p>And, honey... She IS abusing you - your generosity. She IS stealing from you. It's just far more insidious.</p><p></p><p>If you MUST do SOMETHING, have her come over for dinner once every couple of weeks. Have HER bring her laundry over and SHE can do it. (My parents did this for me - but *I* had to do the work.)</p><p></p><p>Don't do it all for her... Let her rise or fall on her own actions.</p><p></p><p>And... ***HUGS***</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="AnnieO, post: 628367, member: 6705"] *HUGS* I don't know about "the worst sort", but dear, you certainly ARE an enabler. If she's not asking, why are you doing for her? If she isn't trying to help herself, why help her? It hurts REALLY BAD to have to let it go. I had to change my name last fall when my difficult child, Belle, started posting nasties here. Things have changed a bit, she's in prison now - her own bad choices. But they are HER choices. How do you not feel sorry for them? Well, I do feel bad for my daughter. But - she is an adult. Yours knows HOW to do this stuff, but chooses not to. Why? Because she knows that, eventually, you will. And, honey... She IS abusing you - your generosity. She IS stealing from you. It's just far more insidious. If you MUST do SOMETHING, have her come over for dinner once every couple of weeks. Have HER bring her laundry over and SHE can do it. (My parents did this for me - but *I* had to do the work.) Don't do it all for her... Let her rise or fall on her own actions. And... ***HUGS*** [/QUOTE]
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