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my problem, not grave or scary
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<blockquote data-quote="nlj" data-source="post: 628375" data-attributes="member: 17650"><p>I agree.</p><p>I do that sort of thing for my son (when I see him). I don't see it as enabling. He's gone too far anyway, he's beyond the stage where enabling or not would make any difference to him. Washing his clothes so he smells a bit less bad for a week or so seems like not a lot to do for him. </p><p></p><p>Sorting out financial problems is another matter though. In my experience, trying to help and sort out money issues has just contributed to the state he's in now. The more you do, the less they do. I've also bought things, like you, and then seen them disused and abandoned, if they don't have to work and earn money and buy things themselves then they seem to have no respect for things. I don't buy anything for him now apart from socks and toothpaste occasionally.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Yep. That was me. It didn't get me anywhere other than sad, frustrated and exhausted. It didn't get him anywhere other than homeless and smelly.</p><p></p><p>You really have to start thinking of yourself and looking after yourself. Your daughter has been surviving like this for a long time. She survived without you for 7 years. Living in squalor is her choice. </p><p>You said in your previous posts that she is seeing someone for depression and has started taking prozac. It takes a while for that to start working. Don't make yourself ill with work and worry and sleeplessness. That won't be helpful. It is very hard to let go and accept your child for who he/she has become, but for me it was the start of enjoying life again and also improving the relationship that I have with my son, now that I am not trying to control how he lives and change the things that cause me grief. She's not your little girl, she's a grown woman.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="nlj, post: 628375, member: 17650"] I agree. I do that sort of thing for my son (when I see him). I don't see it as enabling. He's gone too far anyway, he's beyond the stage where enabling or not would make any difference to him. Washing his clothes so he smells a bit less bad for a week or so seems like not a lot to do for him. Sorting out financial problems is another matter though. In my experience, trying to help and sort out money issues has just contributed to the state he's in now. The more you do, the less they do. I've also bought things, like you, and then seen them disused and abandoned, if they don't have to work and earn money and buy things themselves then they seem to have no respect for things. I don't buy anything for him now apart from socks and toothpaste occasionally. Yep. That was me. It didn't get me anywhere other than sad, frustrated and exhausted. It didn't get him anywhere other than homeless and smelly. You really have to start thinking of yourself and looking after yourself. Your daughter has been surviving like this for a long time. She survived without you for 7 years. Living in squalor is her choice. You said in your previous posts that she is seeing someone for depression and has started taking prozac. It takes a while for that to start working. Don't make yourself ill with work and worry and sleeplessness. That won't be helpful. It is very hard to let go and accept your child for who he/she has become, but for me it was the start of enjoying life again and also improving the relationship that I have with my son, now that I am not trying to control how he lives and change the things that cause me grief. She's not your little girl, she's a grown woman. [/QUOTE]
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