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my rant about the TSS worker
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 319969" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Surely there must be some way to educate her to do what needs to be done? She is anoter pair of hands, after all.</p><p></p><p>Please tell me - what specifically is a TSS worker? Things work differently here in Australia, it might help me understand better and I might be able to suggest some alternative actions.</p><p></p><p>Your son sounds a lot like mine - you can't push im to do stuff, you need to led him instead. We're still working on a lot of things but I've found ways that work for us a lot better.</p><p></p><p>I do agree with you - when any worker arrives, they need to insert at the right point, not just walk in and begin immediately. There needs to be a handover and a completion of previous tasks.</p><p></p><p>Task-changing for our kids is a huge issue, she needs to learn that this has to be done properly in order to help him learn how to transition appropriately. And I agree with you - if you had set a task and it only needed a few minutes to complete it, she should wait. Perhaps set a limit of five minutes.</p><p></p><p>A few things you've described, I think you can help with. But you need everybody on board supporting you and working with you.</p><p></p><p>The biggest thing - at the moment, you're in the driving seat saying, "this will be done now." And he is digging in his heels.</p><p></p><p>There is a better way and a more effective way. But the first and most important step - get into his head and work out the REAL reasons why he's refusing, at that minute and in that situation. It does change.</p><p></p><p>The biggest problem is the task-changing issue. To stop doing A in order to begin B is a bigger challenge for these kids. It needs time, it needs coaxing (not pushing) and often what works best, is for you to work alongside him, at least while transitioning.</p><p></p><p>For example, you want him to pick up three things. So say to him, "I want you to pick up three things. When will you be ready to do this?"</p><p>He needs to be reasonable in his response - if he is playing a computer game and doesn't want to leave it, this is understandable but not acceptable (long-term). BUT he does need to be allowed to get to a logical pause point. Once he is reassured that you aren't saying, "stop playing the game permanently NOW," you will get better compliance.</p><p>So what you're aiming for in his response - "I'm not quite ready yet, but if I can get this character to the next level I'll be able to leave it for a few minutes. Is that OK?"</p><p></p><p>Generally a Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) kid who is gaming/concentrating on something/not wanting to be disturbed can sound terse. Do not mistake this for insolence. These kids often sound rude or insolent but don't mean it tat way. It's a facet of teir poor social skills, and if you react with hostility, all you are doing is demonstrating to him how to be hostile.</p><p></p><p>The next step - "Are you ready to pick up three thigns? Ok, I will help. If I also pick up three things, then between us there will be six things picked up."</p><p>If TSS worker shows up early, then she can pick up three things too. That will make 9 things.</p><p></p><p>With the homework - you need to work out why he is reluctant. having been there so often, a large part of the time the problem is that the task feels too big, at the beginning stage. They feel anxious and the fastest way to ease that anxiety is avoidance. Your job is to help reduce the anxiety and help him get started. The best way to do this is to sit with him and show him how tobreak up the task. I posted in detail on someone else's thread in the last day or so, explaining how I did this with easy child 2/difficult child 2 about ten days ago. She was getting hysterical, aggro and unreasonable about acollege assisgnment, using every argument to justify avoidance. She has even used her level of agitaiton (self-induced) to say, "I'm too upset now to begin work on it." But this is self-replicating and she has to learn to face the fear and not let it grow and get bigger.</p><p>What I did with easy child 2/difficult child 2 (because she was at her place, not here - she's a married woman now) was I said to her, "Right now, neither of us know anything about this topic. I will call you back in half an hour. In that time, you do your research online and I will do my research. In half an hour we will talk over the phone and discuss what we have found."</p><p></p><p>The result - she started, knowing that I was helping (even from a distance). And once she started, she found it wasn't so scary. Simply making a start got her into that direction and she was able to continue. When we talked as agreed, she was already halfway through the work. She's very bright, very capable, but very anxious.</p><p></p><p>But if I had simply said, "You've got to do it, don't be silly, don't put it off because you will run out of time, you always do," she never would have got started and would have ended up screaming at me. Even more upset, nothing achieved.</p><p></p><p>And having done the job without too much initial distress, the next time she gets a similar class assignment she will remember that technique, and know it can be done.</p><p></p><p>Work with the child, support him rather than push. And know that task-changing is a problem, anxiety is a problem, getting started is a problem. Lead, don't push. become his helper, not his obstacle.</p><p></p><p>I didn't work this all out by myself. I had help. This site, plus the constant advice to read "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene. It took me a while but as soon as I began reading it, difficult child 3's behaviour began to improve. And I didn't think I had begun to do anything! In reality, what was happening was difficult child 3 sensing a different attitude from me, and he began to respond positively, very quickly. It's not a cure, but it certainly has made our lives much easier.</p><p></p><p>If you feel you need a TSS worker with a backbone, then make te change. But if there is a chance you could engage this person to work with you as a team and to transition more appropriateely, then you would have made a double victory:</p><p></p><p>1) You would have a more effective TSS worker; and</p><p></p><p>2) when the TSS worker goes to other clients, she will be better informed, better trained and more compassionate. She might even pass this on to other workers in her circle of associates.</p><p></p><p>Let us know how things are going. Do a sig when you can, so we can quickly pick up on your family dynamics without you having to re-type them every time.</p><p></p><p>Welcome!</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 319969, member: 1991"] Surely there must be some way to educate her to do what needs to be done? She is anoter pair of hands, after all. Please tell me - what specifically is a TSS worker? Things work differently here in Australia, it might help me understand better and I might be able to suggest some alternative actions. Your son sounds a lot like mine - you can't push im to do stuff, you need to led him instead. We're still working on a lot of things but I've found ways that work for us a lot better. I do agree with you - when any worker arrives, they need to insert at the right point, not just walk in and begin immediately. There needs to be a handover and a completion of previous tasks. Task-changing for our kids is a huge issue, she needs to learn that this has to be done properly in order to help him learn how to transition appropriately. And I agree with you - if you had set a task and it only needed a few minutes to complete it, she should wait. Perhaps set a limit of five minutes. A few things you've described, I think you can help with. But you need everybody on board supporting you and working with you. The biggest thing - at the moment, you're in the driving seat saying, "this will be done now." And he is digging in his heels. There is a better way and a more effective way. But the first and most important step - get into his head and work out the REAL reasons why he's refusing, at that minute and in that situation. It does change. The biggest problem is the task-changing issue. To stop doing A in order to begin B is a bigger challenge for these kids. It needs time, it needs coaxing (not pushing) and often what works best, is for you to work alongside him, at least while transitioning. For example, you want him to pick up three things. So say to him, "I want you to pick up three things. When will you be ready to do this?" He needs to be reasonable in his response - if he is playing a computer game and doesn't want to leave it, this is understandable but not acceptable (long-term). BUT he does need to be allowed to get to a logical pause point. Once he is reassured that you aren't saying, "stop playing the game permanently NOW," you will get better compliance. So what you're aiming for in his response - "I'm not quite ready yet, but if I can get this character to the next level I'll be able to leave it for a few minutes. Is that OK?" Generally a Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) kid who is gaming/concentrating on something/not wanting to be disturbed can sound terse. Do not mistake this for insolence. These kids often sound rude or insolent but don't mean it tat way. It's a facet of teir poor social skills, and if you react with hostility, all you are doing is demonstrating to him how to be hostile. The next step - "Are you ready to pick up three thigns? Ok, I will help. If I also pick up three things, then between us there will be six things picked up." If TSS worker shows up early, then she can pick up three things too. That will make 9 things. With the homework - you need to work out why he is reluctant. having been there so often, a large part of the time the problem is that the task feels too big, at the beginning stage. They feel anxious and the fastest way to ease that anxiety is avoidance. Your job is to help reduce the anxiety and help him get started. The best way to do this is to sit with him and show him how tobreak up the task. I posted in detail on someone else's thread in the last day or so, explaining how I did this with easy child 2/difficult child 2 about ten days ago. She was getting hysterical, aggro and unreasonable about acollege assisgnment, using every argument to justify avoidance. She has even used her level of agitaiton (self-induced) to say, "I'm too upset now to begin work on it." But this is self-replicating and she has to learn to face the fear and not let it grow and get bigger. What I did with easy child 2/difficult child 2 (because she was at her place, not here - she's a married woman now) was I said to her, "Right now, neither of us know anything about this topic. I will call you back in half an hour. In that time, you do your research online and I will do my research. In half an hour we will talk over the phone and discuss what we have found." The result - she started, knowing that I was helping (even from a distance). And once she started, she found it wasn't so scary. Simply making a start got her into that direction and she was able to continue. When we talked as agreed, she was already halfway through the work. She's very bright, very capable, but very anxious. But if I had simply said, "You've got to do it, don't be silly, don't put it off because you will run out of time, you always do," she never would have got started and would have ended up screaming at me. Even more upset, nothing achieved. And having done the job without too much initial distress, the next time she gets a similar class assignment she will remember that technique, and know it can be done. Work with the child, support him rather than push. And know that task-changing is a problem, anxiety is a problem, getting started is a problem. Lead, don't push. become his helper, not his obstacle. I didn't work this all out by myself. I had help. This site, plus the constant advice to read "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene. It took me a while but as soon as I began reading it, difficult child 3's behaviour began to improve. And I didn't think I had begun to do anything! In reality, what was happening was difficult child 3 sensing a different attitude from me, and he began to respond positively, very quickly. It's not a cure, but it certainly has made our lives much easier. If you feel you need a TSS worker with a backbone, then make te change. But if there is a chance you could engage this person to work with you as a team and to transition more appropriateely, then you would have made a double victory: 1) You would have a more effective TSS worker; and 2) when the TSS worker goes to other clients, she will be better informed, better trained and more compassionate. She might even pass this on to other workers in her circle of associates. Let us know how things are going. Do a sig when you can, so we can quickly pick up on your family dynamics without you having to re-type them every time. Welcome! Marg [/QUOTE]
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