My serial pedophile father just confessed to me in writing

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Mattsmom277, Apr 21, 2011.

  1. Mattsmom277

    Mattsmom277 Active Member

    Can't post much. I'm overwhelmed. Emotions I can't even put in words, so many of them. I think I might be in a numb place at this moment.

    This sick twisted perverted pig turned up at my baby sisters school (a 2 hour drive away) against a no contact order today. In spite of the clear warning I gave him to stay away from her or I WILL gather all the victims I learned about over the past 2 years (Over 10 of us, all family, blood) and take it to the crown attorney who is ACHING for us to all band together and put him away. My sisters mother found out she'd been in secret contact with him for a while now and a fight ensued. My sister ran away from home with her cell phone so she could call me. She was hysterical and I still am unclear what went on between her and her mother. Apparently while I was on the phone with my sister (She was at a neighbors house) her mother called my father and fought with him. Suddenly my father messaged me via facebook. First contact in over 20 years except my couple of recent warnings that I will never let him get his hands on my sister.

    After I puked my guts out from seeing his message, I calmed down. His message was basically sucking up to me and saying he didn't mean to contact her, blah blah blah. He'll stay away (Read: Please don't take legal action, I is scarrrrred). I dug in and over a period of 3 hours he went from almost confessing in writing to implying he was going to end his life tonight in order to give me and all of his victims peace. Eventually he confessed to every single victim, admitted the hell he has made us all live, claimed his life was now a lonely living hell. Said after a year and half of sobriety he was confessing now in order to prove he's "changed".

    That was my goal when it was obvious he was going to try to "confess in return for forgiveness and peace for ME", which was actually him hoping that if he apologized, fessed up to everything and everyone of his victims, I'd roll over and accept it and move on without pursuing him in criminal court.

    I replied with a thank you for putting it in writing. Ask God for forgiveness because I am unable to forgive him until he faces justice in a open court where all of us can speak our piece, to gain our peace. Told him he could live his "hell" (I used that term because he described his existance as hell) in a cell for as long as a judge sees fit.

    He finally got the hint that he had just given it up to a perfect prosecution and thankfully no more messages from him. He knew it was all over.

    I have a staff sergeant contacting me to come by tomorrow. This police department could not build a case when I pressed charges. My baby sisters eldest half sister (he is not her father) had the same problem 3 years ago. She now has a child. My heart breaks for her. My aunts are on board to give statements now that he confessed. We assume he will simply plead guilty as he obviously knows it is too late to plead not guilty. He seemed resigned that if I wanted to get him to prison, I was going to anyhow. His last ditch effort was to beg my forgiveness in order to have me back off. Not a chance.

    I feel proud. I feel broken. I feel relieved. I feel weak in the knees. I feel such an overwhelming feeling of liberation. I feel that already I have been given some justice along with all of my relatives and the other young women he abused. He has done this from age 14 until at least 3 years ago. We are not sure if there are others since. He would never stop without bars around him. I feel mostly shock. You hope and pray for this type of thing, for this day, but after 20 years for me and 40 years for my aunts etc, you can't really believe anymore that he'll ever face justice. Today is that day. It is hard to comprehend in its entirety.
  2. Cass1

    Cass1 New Member

    I remember a couple conversations we have had about this and Im really happy for you and the rest of the victims that justice will finally be served.((big hugs))
  3. skeeter

    skeeter New Member

    All I can say is I wish you strength and peace. It may come with a huge price, but you know it's the right thing to do.
  4. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    I'm glad you had a strength and wisdom to get the confession in writing. He will contest it... hopefully it will stand up in court (it should). You may have just saved your youngest sister the pain you've lived with all these years. {{{Hugs}}}
  5. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    You've demonstrated strength, tenacity, love and compassion by setting the goal of resolution. I admire you greatly and hope that the process is smooth and allows peace into the lives of all who have been injured. Hugs. DDD
  6. ML

    ML Guest

    I'm so sorry for the pain you and your family have had to endure by his illness. I pray you find healing. You are doing the right thing, don't ever doubt that. It just sux when the right thing is far from the easy thing.
  7. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    *hugs* hon, I hope he stays away from your sister and she stays away from him.
  8. Mattsmom277

    Mattsmom277 Active Member

    Thank you all for your words and your understanding and for listening. It's been one long night. I've just heard from 3 separate relatives that they fully believe he will (or has already) take his own life. he has had numerous attempts over the years of his life. Most for attention and to try to get sympathy. The last one however he actually was only saved in the nick of time by a fluke from a neighbor who was a nurse finding him. He thought she was out of town and she thought he was at work and she had permission to use his washer/dryer so accessed his place to use the machines and found him. She gave him first aid until an ambulance arrived. It was a fluke she was sent home that night from her shift due to overstaffing. He expected to complete it that time. They had to surgically attach his hand, he'd gone right through it apparently. I don't know if I believe he would do that. I think he's a game player. In the end, I honestly haven't given him personally much thought in that aspect since last night. More focused on making sure this goes to the right authorities and figuring out how to handle the situation with my sister since she doesn't know and her mother refuses to speak to her about it. She's going to have to find out the truth as the police will be having to attend her home as well as a protection agency to put legal measures in place to stop him being near my sister since he is now desperate enough to be driving hours away to go to her at her school. This just feels kind of surreal as a few more hours go by. I just want for all of us to close this chapter of our lives. I want him to go to prison where people like this belong. And I want to then not give him another moment of my thoughts or energy ever again, Know what I mean??
  9. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

  10. cubsgirl

    cubsgirl Well-Known Member

    I don't know what to say other than ((hugs))
  11. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    A predator is a predator drunk or sober.

    I hope the process goes as smoothly as possible, that your father is put where he can no longer stalk victims, and that those hurt by him will be able to find healing.

    Even with this evidence you probably have a rough road ahead.

  12. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    Would it be out of line to say I hope he went through with it this time and no nurse finds him?
  13. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    As you know I am a huge believer in the Serenity Prayer. It is applicable to your difficult situation. Threat of suicide? "grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change" Justice? "the courage to change the things I can" Dealing with the impact? "the wisdom to know the difference."

    You're on track. Don't get emotionally derailed over a possible action he might can not change that. You are showing consistent courage in pursuing this. Sort thru the ripple effects to know which you react to and which you don't. Many hugs. DDD
  14. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    I don't even know what to say....

    I have no words.

    Just sending (((hugs))) and support and hoping you find some peace!
  15. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Mutt, I have no idea how deeply this truly hurts you, I just know from reading your posts that is deep. I pray justice is done, however it is served. And peace for you all.,

    Many hugs.
  16. Star*

    Star* call 911


    The things this person has taken from you and all his other victims? Drunk or sober? There is no way he could ever give back what he took. It wasn't his to have, it isn't his to try and give back. He didn't take just (1) thing. He took thousands of things. When asked how I felt about the things my x took from me? I sat for a while and then after a long silence I said "Have you ever been to an ice pond?" There was a nod. Have you ever seen anyone step on ice that isn't quite hard, and stomp on it then watch as the ice fractures, and the lines run, and those lines run, and those lines run and on, and on, and on like a bolt of lightning in the sky? THAT is what abuse felt like to me - The abuser only considers what he did as the STOMP, but never considers the fractures he leaves in your life. Some heal, some don't. Some seem to come right back to the surface no matter how much therapy you have to forget about the trauma. But I think for all my therapy,and all my soul searching part way into my journey? The worst thing I heard was my x - leaving a voice mail (kinda like your biofather) saying to me "You should just grow up, and forget the past, it's all water under the bridge now, be a big girl." It wasn't even an apology. The things done were horrid, and like you brought wrath right to the surface. This man also hurt my son - our son. So I feel for you when you say he hurt your family. I too wish my x would stay in jail. It's not the punishment I feel he deserves, but then what is? I don't dwell on it - it's a waste of MY time - another waste of thoughts about him of MY time. That's what I guess I can pass on to you. Don't give this person any more time or rather any more of YOUR time, do just what you have to do, and make a pact with yourself that no matter how much you want to speak about him, complain about him, discuss him - unless its factual, pertinent to the case - just don't let him have that part of you. He's had enough of your life.

    I wish you all the best in making sure he goes to jail. My greatest wish is that eventually you find enough peace and serenity in your heart to forgive yourself enough to forgive him and he becomes a nothing to you. A true nothing. Because I'm sure somewhere in that? Is where you find your peace. Not that you won't get angry still, not that you won't want justice, and you won't loose your edge ever - but just that he means absolutely zero like a complete stranger. I wish that for you and anyone this person victimized so you can all move on and heal. Sounds weird, but evenutally with help it can happen.

    Hugs and love - hugely
  17. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    I certainly don't need to tell you that you're doing the right thing-you KNOW it's right.

    Sending you calm thoughts of praise for your tenacity and grace through it all. You're an inspiration for so many, hugs.
  18. Jena

    Jena New Member


    i was staying away from this because i hit so close to home for me. My father did same to me and i dont' know how many others. I tried legally also to get him yet the statue of limitations on it ran out. mine was years ago, i had repressed memories yet always knew junk was in there. long story short i worked with police in another state.

    my father died last year a year after i went thru the process. i was told part of it was due to stress anxiety the tumor forming and him passing so suddenly. in essence i knew in my heart it was partially due to pursuing him the way i did wtih the police in that state. i DO NOT REGRET IT TO THIS DAY. you are doing the right thing. if he choses to take his own life that is his way of relieving himself the pain and escaping what will follow. do what you need to do, breath, take your time to process put therapy in place for you. this will be a long haul yet in the end you have done the most amazing thing. you have broken the cycle in your family just as i did. you have taught others to stand up for themselves. the lessons here are tremendous.

    you wil hurt and that's ok your supposed to. just take your time with this one. i'm thinking of you. stay strong it'll all be ok in the end.

  19. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Many, many hugs.
  20. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It


    You are an amazingly strong and caring woman. I am so sorry that you were hurt that way and that onyone else was.