S
Signorina
Guest
I am estranged from my 20yo difficult child who is using drugs. My heart is broken and I miss him and my life is a bit of a mess because of it. My brother's wife (sister in law) knows all this...
A big contributor to my son's issues is his 19 yo, long term girlfriend who is supporting him (financially, emotionally - enabling him) and who difficult child is likely living with. My 50 yo sister in law has met her a handful of times at my home long before things were estranged. They are friends on FB. My sister in law "likes" or comments on difficult child's girlfriend's page at least 2-3 times a week. Back in October, I asked her to cool her friendship with the girlfriend because it was complicating things. Her response was to post some more. I then contacted my brother directly and explained why we needed to just let things lie with difficult child's girlfriend. There are valid reasons which I won't go into here to keep this short. So she cooled it for a while & gradually started posting on difficult child's girlfriend's wall & commenting on her pictures, etc. Please know that I have no contact with my son or his girlfriend -mostly because H & I are trying to detach. His girlfriend remains my fb "friend" so when another "fb friend" (sister in law) posts to her, I see it in my news feed. Yesterday, sister in law posted yet another OTT compliment on the girlfriend's page
So yesterday, I sent her a message asking her to please cool it. Basically I said "I have asked you to PLEASE cool your cyber friendship with difficult children girlfriend. Now I am begging you. Please. Pretty please. I know you mean no harm but it is important to me that we let things lie with difficult child & girlfriend. Please. I am begging here."
Her response was a quick "SURE". Then she posted a status update of "PEOPLE WHO SNOOP ON FACEBOOK ARE NOT COOL". Then she defriended me which I only noticed later that night when she apparently changed her mind and sent me a friend request. I accepted it this morning. Guess what? She has since defriended me again. All in the space of less than 24 hours. Of course, she has not defriended my difficult child's girlfriend.
I know I should let it roll off my back, but I can't. I am hurt and I am crying and I am home alone and I really don't know what I did to deserve this. We've been SILs for 25 years and yes she is a PITA, but I've always been good to her and her kids and vice versa. Last week I drove 160 miles round trip to watch her son perform at a comedy club! Maybe she doesn't like my request to cool it...but what's the big deal? Drop the cyber friendship. I wouldn't dream of "friending" her kids friends on FB. Can't she at least give me the benefit of the doubt? I just don't understand how she can be so callous when she knows how difficult things have been for me lately and I am a mess right now.
H took the pcs to a ball game and my brother is actually visiting my mom right now so I can't call her and cry on her shoulder. My bff will just get furious on my behalf and that won't bring me any comfort. CD, I am here crying on your shoulders.
I've been in touch with my brother to let him know I don't want trouble, I've given him some background on our issues with difficult child so he knows I didn't ask lightly. It's further complicated by the fact that we work together in a family business and technically my brother ranks higher on the totem pole than I. We seem to be OK for now, but sister in law is one of those types who likes to stir things up and I am sure she will go to work on him. been there done that
A big contributor to my son's issues is his 19 yo, long term girlfriend who is supporting him (financially, emotionally - enabling him) and who difficult child is likely living with. My 50 yo sister in law has met her a handful of times at my home long before things were estranged. They are friends on FB. My sister in law "likes" or comments on difficult child's girlfriend's page at least 2-3 times a week. Back in October, I asked her to cool her friendship with the girlfriend because it was complicating things. Her response was to post some more. I then contacted my brother directly and explained why we needed to just let things lie with difficult child's girlfriend. There are valid reasons which I won't go into here to keep this short. So she cooled it for a while & gradually started posting on difficult child's girlfriend's wall & commenting on her pictures, etc. Please know that I have no contact with my son or his girlfriend -mostly because H & I are trying to detach. His girlfriend remains my fb "friend" so when another "fb friend" (sister in law) posts to her, I see it in my news feed. Yesterday, sister in law posted yet another OTT compliment on the girlfriend's page
So yesterday, I sent her a message asking her to please cool it. Basically I said "I have asked you to PLEASE cool your cyber friendship with difficult children girlfriend. Now I am begging you. Please. Pretty please. I know you mean no harm but it is important to me that we let things lie with difficult child & girlfriend. Please. I am begging here."
Her response was a quick "SURE". Then she posted a status update of "PEOPLE WHO SNOOP ON FACEBOOK ARE NOT COOL". Then she defriended me which I only noticed later that night when she apparently changed her mind and sent me a friend request. I accepted it this morning. Guess what? She has since defriended me again. All in the space of less than 24 hours. Of course, she has not defriended my difficult child's girlfriend.
I know I should let it roll off my back, but I can't. I am hurt and I am crying and I am home alone and I really don't know what I did to deserve this. We've been SILs for 25 years and yes she is a PITA, but I've always been good to her and her kids and vice versa. Last week I drove 160 miles round trip to watch her son perform at a comedy club! Maybe she doesn't like my request to cool it...but what's the big deal? Drop the cyber friendship. I wouldn't dream of "friending" her kids friends on FB. Can't she at least give me the benefit of the doubt? I just don't understand how she can be so callous when she knows how difficult things have been for me lately and I am a mess right now.
H took the pcs to a ball game and my brother is actually visiting my mom right now so I can't call her and cry on her shoulder. My bff will just get furious on my behalf and that won't bring me any comfort. CD, I am here crying on your shoulders.
I've been in touch with my brother to let him know I don't want trouble, I've given him some background on our issues with difficult child so he knows I didn't ask lightly. It's further complicated by the fact that we work together in a family business and technically my brother ranks higher on the totem pole than I. We seem to be OK for now, but sister in law is one of those types who likes to stir things up and I am sure she will go to work on him. been there done that