I have posted this on a few message boards as well, however I just wanted to get as many opinions as possible from as many people. To make a long story short, got 3 children, and the oldest (middle teens) and I recently saw a documentary crime program that did re-enactments where captives were bound and gagged. Since that my son has been asking to tie me up. Of course I said no, but he has brought it up a few times since. He is a good kid, gets good grades, has friends, is going to get a job soon, etc. Is this normal? I overheard him, in a rather playful way, threaten to tie up my daughter because she took something of his. When I confronted him later about that he again asked if he could tie me up. He said he could get the clothesline from the basement and he wanted to see if I could get free. He even took out the dish towel and said he could put it in my mouth. I didn't think anything of it, but I'd like opinions and advice. Has this happened to anyone?
my son asked if he could tie me up
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Big Bad Kitty
lolcat
If he is old enough to work, he is too old to be asking you if he can do this in a playful manner. I would be concerned.
Loving Abbey 2
Not really a Newbie
I agree, I would be rather concerned. Since he is old enough to be getting a job, he should be old enough to understand this is not acceptable. The fact that he had details on how he would do this, is very concerning. This means he has actually thought about how to do this successfully.
Just my two cents
Just my two cents
He is 15. I actually just had about a 10 minute talk. I do feel a lot better. He said he wanted to try and see if we could match what was on the TV. Also he stated that he felt if a child and adult were in the same situation (bound and gagged) that the child would have a much easier time getting out, is that true? He also said it would just give him a chuckle to see the short struggle.
Big Bad Kitty
lolcat
See, that would be what concerns me. The fact that he would "get a chuckle" out of "watching the struggle".
I don't want to sound gross, but the fact that he is 15 (and therefore just entering puberty), and he has asked you a few times, and has told his sister that he wants to do it to her, makes me think that in his mind there may be a sexual twist to it. Some males find it erotic to see a female struggling with bonds.
Please don't think that I am saying your son is bad or nasty, because I am not. But I am certainly concerned, for you and your daughter.
I don't want to sound gross, but the fact that he is 15 (and therefore just entering puberty), and he has asked you a few times, and has told his sister that he wants to do it to her, makes me think that in his mind there may be a sexual twist to it. Some males find it erotic to see a female struggling with bonds.
Please don't think that I am saying your son is bad or nasty, because I am not. But I am certainly concerned, for you and your daughter.
Well if it keeps up I'll take him in to see. I appreciate your thoughts. Now let me just paint a worst case senario. Lets just say he comes upstairs with the clothesline and starts going to work on me, got any tips on what to do. I know obviously to fightback, struggle, but just any suggestions. I DO NOT see it getting to this, I am painting a hypothetical situation. Also what to do if I cannot indeed talk or screen (ie the cloth).
BBK voiced my thoughts.
My oldest tried to tie me up several times, DID put duct tape on my daughter's mouth when mad at her.
GET PROFESSIONAL HELP. GET IT NOW. THIS IS NOT SOMETHING TO PLAY WITH, NO MATTER HOW HE JUSTIFIES IT.
Sending hugs and prayers. Very worried about you and your daughter.
Susie
My oldest tried to tie me up several times, DID put duct tape on my daughter's mouth when mad at her.
GET PROFESSIONAL HELP. GET IT NOW. THIS IS NOT SOMETHING TO PLAY WITH, NO MATTER HOW HE JUSTIFIES IT.
Sending hugs and prayers. Very worried about you and your daughter.
Susie
You might find some helpful info for your safety and your daughter's safety at http://www.kidescape.org/
Susie
Susie
BusynMember
Well-Known Member
Maybe I'm overly nervous, but this would scare me to death. He'd be in a Psychiatrists office (not a psychologist or a therapist, but the guy with the MD) the next day. This isn't a normal obsession for a child that age and it's not funny. He could be having bondage fantasies...I'd want him to get help right away.
trinityroyal
Well-Known Member
I'm throwing my vote in with all the others who are expressing serious concern about this. The fact that he's raised it several times, and has a vivid idea of how it would be are disturbing.
SRL makes a very good point. Do you know the sort of websites that your son may have been visiting? Does he have access to a computer in a private location, such as his bedroom? If he does, I would be removing it and putting it out in a public place, checking the cache and history to see what he's been into.
SRL makes a very good point. Do you know the sort of websites that your son may have been visiting? Does he have access to a computer in a private location, such as his bedroom? If he does, I would be removing it and putting it out in a public place, checking the cache and history to see what he's been into.
tiredmommy
Well-Known Member
Learner,
I think the fact that you are thinking worst case says you need to address this. What happens if he sneaks into first your room and then your daughter's in the middle of the night? Get him into counselling tomorrow, keep him away from anyone that may be smaller or weaker. He could, unfortunately, be an emerging predator. Call your local crisis services for a referral right now, not tomorrow.
I think the fact that you are thinking worst case says you need to address this. What happens if he sneaks into first your room and then your daughter's in the middle of the night? Get him into counselling tomorrow, keep him away from anyone that may be smaller or weaker. He could, unfortunately, be an emerging predator. Call your local crisis services for a referral right now, not tomorrow.
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