At dusk tonight my son called asking for a ride to the hospital which is a half a mile from our house. He said it was too complicated to explain why on the phone (doubtful). I could have said call an ambulance but chose not too. I said wait a minute and I told M. He said "I'll go." When M and my son arrived at the hospital. M let him out...but my son came back to the car and said he felt better and did not need the hospital after all. M told my son: I worked all day. I don't appreciate your calling me away from our dinner. M drove my son back to the house where he is staying. My son is staying in a house with people that really trigger him. It is chaotic. There are meth users and recovering addicts. Lots of drama and who knows what else. It is also near the end of the month, which means he has run out of money for food. For both reasons he much prefers to be here with us. He stayed over Thursday night. He said he needed a respite from 4 men with whom he has conflict because of their behavior. From our way of thinking he meddles too much in other peoples business. He is the one that chose to live in this setting. And he is the one who needs to get out and find another place if it is not working. I feel very sad. It is possible my son felt anxious and cornered after he provoked the men again...and wanted a way out. It is also possible that he wanted to maneuver his way back to our house to eat. And does not want to tell the truth because it is another month in a sequence of months that he either lost or used up his SSI money. I know about payees so that is not the question I am dealing with here. My sadness is this: when will my son, if ever, decide to change his behavior. To not provoke situations where he will not win. To decide to live in a more suitable situation. To find a way to control his spending. To be careful where he puts his SSI debit card. I am aware he may never do so. That I will have to report him to Social Security as unable to manage his money. I am hoping for change here, and do not want to forestall it by taking responsibility away from my son prematurely. On the plus side, he is 5 days away from the end of the month which is better than 3 weeks. Better that he cannot tolerate Meth addicts than fall in with them. Better he have a place to stay than be under a bridge. But my feeling state is not listening to these arguments. My feeling state wants him in his own apartment or with decent people...and my feeling state wants him to understand he put himself in this toxic situation. My feeling state wants him to understand that to keep arguing with addicts about their behavior is not exactly productive or safe or wise. My feeling state wants him to have better boundaries and judgment. My son keeps trying to make his situation...our problem and responsibility. And I keep suffering because my default is to rescue him, if he has nobody else. We didn't this time...but it feels so lousy awful not to do so. And it feels so lousy awful when I do.