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My son, car insurance/repairs, SSI, job, a cello.... reality check please?
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<blockquote data-quote="lovemysons" data-source="post: 618775" data-attributes="member: 3305"><p>Sue,</p><p>I'm just so STRUCK by how eerily similar our difficult child's are to one another!</p><p> </p><p>My young difficult child also thinks he is "above it all". I have no doubt that while he currently sits in the State psychiatric hospital he is thinking to himself how much smarter and "well" he is in comparison to the rest of the patients. He has basically told me he is there because he has "nowhere else to go". And of course the reason he has nowhere else to go is because HE has burned all of his bridges...Used up friends and family with the same substance abusing result. It was difficult child who exclaimed in his almighty wisdom that it is "My body and I can put whatever substances I want in it, that is my RIGHT!" Of course it wasn't long after that that he was asked to find somewhere else to live. </p><p> </p><p>But does he see "cause and effect"...NOPE! husband and I are to blame because we won't let him back in our house. We are to blame because we gave him simple rules when he got out of prison. We are to blame because "parents should never stop supporting their children when they need help"... meaning we should support him while he goofs off! </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>And that problem with prioritizing. Oh ya, young difficult child has it BIG TIME. Xbox games, expensive dinners, showering the kids with toys, were more important than saving for a rainy day. And when his "rainy day" came...he got a title loan on his truck, pawned his TV we bought him, Sold his Xbox, Old Lego sets etc. Needless to say the Truck we bought him when he got out of prison is gone now too. </p><p> </p><p>So he sits homeless in State psychiatric hospital, with no vehicle, no phone, no job. He quit the one with his brother because, according to young difficult child, he "should have been making more money and doing less work."</p><p> </p><p>It's interesting to me...I keep thinking about how he got here. </p><p> </p><p>You know...I ran a VERY efficient ship when the kids were young...To their deteriment most likely. It was faster and easier for me to do most of the "work" around them rather than have them clean up after their own messes. It was easier for me to send the difficult child's off to the corner when in trouble rather than have them go through the motions of setting the record straight. LOL, my mother used to say the only thing my son's were going to remember about their childhood was "what the corner looked like". </p><p> </p><p>I wish I had, little by little, learned to "detach" (is that the right word?) when they were were young! I wish I had not done so much "for them" but rather guided them into how to Do-For-Self. I blame myself for that part. </p><p>Maybe I needed to be needed...I don't know. And I suppose it's futile to dwell on it now. </p><p> </p><p>The Bipolar thing...I understand it. I spent yrs and yrs with severe depression and anxiety. I see no excuse where that is concerned. One, can STILL be law abiding, resiliant, a hard worker, etc. even with mental illness in the picture. It may be harder for them than others...but it can still be done in my opinion. I'm proof. </p><p> </p><p>I don't know what the future holds for our difficult child's. I know it is hard to hang on to hope when so much has been tried, spoken, given, etc. </p><p> </p><p>Mine has a wife and 3 beautiful, healthy, children. He has tried the military and failed. He has been to prison and made promises upon getting released. We have given till we can give no more. </p><p>It's scary to think of what might come next. </p><p> </p><p>Young difficult child turns 25 next month. </p><p>When do they get done "cooking" exactly???</p><p>LMS</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="lovemysons, post: 618775, member: 3305"] Sue, I'm just so STRUCK by how eerily similar our difficult child's are to one another! My young difficult child also thinks he is "above it all". I have no doubt that while he currently sits in the State psychiatric hospital he is thinking to himself how much smarter and "well" he is in comparison to the rest of the patients. He has basically told me he is there because he has "nowhere else to go". And of course the reason he has nowhere else to go is because HE has burned all of his bridges...Used up friends and family with the same substance abusing result. It was difficult child who exclaimed in his almighty wisdom that it is "My body and I can put whatever substances I want in it, that is my RIGHT!" Of course it wasn't long after that that he was asked to find somewhere else to live. But does he see "cause and effect"...NOPE! husband and I are to blame because we won't let him back in our house. We are to blame because we gave him simple rules when he got out of prison. We are to blame because "parents should never stop supporting their children when they need help"... meaning we should support him while he goofs off! And that problem with prioritizing. Oh ya, young difficult child has it BIG TIME. Xbox games, expensive dinners, showering the kids with toys, were more important than saving for a rainy day. And when his "rainy day" came...he got a title loan on his truck, pawned his TV we bought him, Sold his Xbox, Old Lego sets etc. Needless to say the Truck we bought him when he got out of prison is gone now too. So he sits homeless in State psychiatric hospital, with no vehicle, no phone, no job. He quit the one with his brother because, according to young difficult child, he "should have been making more money and doing less work." It's interesting to me...I keep thinking about how he got here. You know...I ran a VERY efficient ship when the kids were young...To their deteriment most likely. It was faster and easier for me to do most of the "work" around them rather than have them clean up after their own messes. It was easier for me to send the difficult child's off to the corner when in trouble rather than have them go through the motions of setting the record straight. LOL, my mother used to say the only thing my son's were going to remember about their childhood was "what the corner looked like". I wish I had, little by little, learned to "detach" (is that the right word?) when they were were young! I wish I had not done so much "for them" but rather guided them into how to Do-For-Self. I blame myself for that part. Maybe I needed to be needed...I don't know. And I suppose it's futile to dwell on it now. The Bipolar thing...I understand it. I spent yrs and yrs with severe depression and anxiety. I see no excuse where that is concerned. One, can STILL be law abiding, resiliant, a hard worker, etc. even with mental illness in the picture. It may be harder for them than others...but it can still be done in my opinion. I'm proof. I don't know what the future holds for our difficult child's. I know it is hard to hang on to hope when so much has been tried, spoken, given, etc. Mine has a wife and 3 beautiful, healthy, children. He has tried the military and failed. He has been to prison and made promises upon getting released. We have given till we can give no more. It's scary to think of what might come next. Young difficult child turns 25 next month. When do they get done "cooking" exactly??? LMS [/QUOTE]
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My son, car insurance/repairs, SSI, job, a cello.... reality check please?
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