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My son is in the hospital.
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 696623" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I want to check in just because it feels good to do so. I have not spoken yet to my son today but he called while I was still at work. M said he sounded content and happy. I asked M on the way home: <em>Do you think he feels <strong>pleased with himself</strong> that he took the step to enter treatment? </em>M said <em>yes</em>.</p><p></p><p>M says I look for things to worry. How to not to? I am worried now if he comes home, and he goes and lives in the other house, and starts using his marijuana and caffeine pills again--it is the type of neighborhood where some people use drugs. How do I ever begin to trust him--his own judgment and self-restraint? Do I ever stop wanting to be a policeman? Him living with me, or in a space I control--is that one of the dangers? That I will always want to take control? Always be afraid?</p><p></p><p>Or the other side of the coin. He clearly misses us. His capacity to be involved with us--to love us--seems greater. Or not his capacity but his willingness to own his love and act from it. Seems greater. He knew M would be here alone, that I would be at work. He is clearly seizing the opportunity to make positive contact. He asked about the remodeling. About the other worker. It is as if he is beginning to feel and acknowledge that he has a life with us that he appreciates and misses.</p><p></p><p>So the idea of not letting him come back--would be almost cruel. But I have to say I am afraid. To be hopeful--is to risk. My open heart feels tender. It is a strange place to be. </p><p></p><p>I love him. What more is there to say? Except I am afraid. How could I bear to lose him now?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 696623, member: 18958"] I want to check in just because it feels good to do so. I have not spoken yet to my son today but he called while I was still at work. M said he sounded content and happy. I asked M on the way home: [I]Do you think he feels [B]pleased with himself[/B] that he took the step to enter treatment? [/I]M said [I]yes[/I]. M says I look for things to worry. How to not to? I am worried now if he comes home, and he goes and lives in the other house, and starts using his marijuana and caffeine pills again--it is the type of neighborhood where some people use drugs. How do I ever begin to trust him--his own judgment and self-restraint? Do I ever stop wanting to be a policeman? Him living with me, or in a space I control--is that one of the dangers? That I will always want to take control? Always be afraid? Or the other side of the coin. He clearly misses us. His capacity to be involved with us--to love us--seems greater. Or not his capacity but his willingness to own his love and act from it. Seems greater. He knew M would be here alone, that I would be at work. He is clearly seizing the opportunity to make positive contact. He asked about the remodeling. About the other worker. It is as if he is beginning to feel and acknowledge that he has a life with us that he appreciates and misses. So the idea of not letting him come back--would be almost cruel. But I have to say I am afraid. To be hopeful--is to risk. My open heart feels tender. It is a strange place to be. I love him. What more is there to say? Except I am afraid. How could I bear to lose him now? [/QUOTE]
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