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My son is in the hospital.
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<blockquote data-quote="Ironbutterfly" data-source="post: 696698" data-attributes="member: 19951"><p>Oh Copa- all your feelings, so justified. I really had to let son go and live his life and know that it will not be the way I imagined his life would be when he was born and years later when he became an adult.</p><p></p><p>What if- he lived someplace other then your other house? I think him living with you or at your other house does not allow him to be totally free to live his life- however he chooses. It also would free you from the feeling of having to 'police him'. I went through this with my son- he would make a statement and I would call people and verify if it was true or not, if he lied, etc. It drove me insane. I became addicted to his every word, story and felt the need to call him up and say gotcha, you lied. I couldn't live like that anymore. Recently son told me a lie, I found out by accident, but it's ok and I am not letting him know I know. The reason being because he is 90% better then he was 9 months ago. I can choose to focus on the occasional lie or I can choose to focus on how well he has progressed. What I had hoped for, that he have a somewhat normal life then the crazy life he had for years is my little bit of joy.</p><p></p><p>Giving up the control of knowing where they are, what they are doing, who they are with, if they are lying, doing drugs, is the hardest thing once they make some progress. Your son is making progress. Yes decisions will have to made after he gets released but let him perhaps live elsewhere. YOU and M have tried that before and maybe its time for something new for son. You both, son and you have to slowly start detaching from one another.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Ironbutterfly, post: 696698, member: 19951"] Oh Copa- all your feelings, so justified. I really had to let son go and live his life and know that it will not be the way I imagined his life would be when he was born and years later when he became an adult. What if- he lived someplace other then your other house? I think him living with you or at your other house does not allow him to be totally free to live his life- however he chooses. It also would free you from the feeling of having to 'police him'. I went through this with my son- he would make a statement and I would call people and verify if it was true or not, if he lied, etc. It drove me insane. I became addicted to his every word, story and felt the need to call him up and say gotcha, you lied. I couldn't live like that anymore. Recently son told me a lie, I found out by accident, but it's ok and I am not letting him know I know. The reason being because he is 90% better then he was 9 months ago. I can choose to focus on the occasional lie or I can choose to focus on how well he has progressed. What I had hoped for, that he have a somewhat normal life then the crazy life he had for years is my little bit of joy. Giving up the control of knowing where they are, what they are doing, who they are with, if they are lying, doing drugs, is the hardest thing once they make some progress. Your son is making progress. Yes decisions will have to made after he gets released but let him perhaps live elsewhere. YOU and M have tried that before and maybe its time for something new for son. You both, son and you have to slowly start detaching from one another. [/QUOTE]
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My son is in the hospital.
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