My son is spiraling down

[Quicksand]

I have gone through this, too.

Thinking of all the what ifs.

It is hard, but we have no control over any of this, it is up to our d c's.

You have done so much already QS, the rest is up to him.

Praying helps me, also, the serenity prayer.....

I have to work really, really hard at changing my focus.
This is the time when we as moms, need to be very kind to ourselves. Do something good for you every day.
Take time to breathe. Do things that help you focus on something else, besides the worrying.
Worrying does not help us or our d c's.
Time and again, I have thought the worst, only to find out that my two were out there partying.
I slipped in and out of a dark tunnel. I am still working hard at this..... acceptance......

QS, we have value to our lives, too.
Is your daughter still there with you?
Hold on to her.

I have candles for my two, in the window at night.
It helps to light them and say a prayer for them.

I feel for you QS, I know the pain of it.
The reality of it is, the disrespect and destruction in our homes, to us, and our D cs, is unacceptable.

They do not get better under my roof, in my home. They drag everyone down with them.
I have to keep reminding myself of this.

With me, their ways just continue,
I think I am a lifeline, but really,
I was just allowing them to continue making bad choices.

I gave them their wings, now they have to test them. Their wings work, they have to work, we will not be around forever to pick up the pieces.
They have to learn from the consequences of their choices.

It does not feel good to not know, I know this.

But, QS, there are so many stories here on CD and on the web, of d cs making better lives for themselves, when we stop enabling them. It may not happen right away, in our timeframe, but we can take all of that energy we use worrying, and channel it into positive thoughts for our d c's.

I have to think this way, to be able to live my life.

If I am consumed with worry and dread for my two, I am not able to function, love myself, live my life, and pay proper attention to my three, that are doing well. This is not fair to them, or me, or my husband.

Now a days, when I find myself sinking, I repeat this....

"They are out there, finding their way, they will be okay.
God, please help and guide them."

I hope you are able to relax and breathe,
if your daughter is still with you,
bask in the sunshine of her company.

If not, call her and tell her how much you love her.

Do take care QS, keep sharing and posting, it does help. Be very kind and gentle to yourself.

God, comfort and keep you, dear sister.

(((HUGS)))
leafy

I just saw your reply... I read it to my daughter.. You, Leafy are an amazing woman. My girl and I are going to bed,bath and beyond. Thank you thank you thank you.

 

[New Leaf]

Sending prayers your way QS, for lifted spirits and Gods grace to be with you.
Our d cs are on a journey to find their meaning and themselves. It is not the path that we would have them on, it is their choice. We can choose to worry and lament and mourn,
or breathe in and out,
faithfully give them over to the Lord. He can work miracles.
Our sons are born to us from Him, a gift.
They are essentially loaned to us,
then we are to give them back,
to go out on their own journey.

They have amazing power and strength.
It is my hope for my son and yours, and all the sons out there,
that they will discover their meaning.

Here is a powerful chant, from my hubs culture, sharing a story of weaving, fine delicate mats.

In essence, our d cs are out their, weaving their story.

They have youth and vitality, and are capable of changing their paths, the way they weave their story.
I want to focus on this, QS, not what my two are doing now,
but on the endless possibilities of what they can achieve.....

The chant also speaks of strong winds and rains...
Our d cs are going through troubled times,
but it does NOT mean they will be this way forever......

One of my favorite people, a teacher, a kumu hula, was enmeshed with drug use, meth, in his youth. He was able to break free, QS, and now shares his talent worldwide.

I share this with you, the rhythm of the chant, the young men performing, their strength, the hours of work it takes to move with such precision and grace.

Your son is young, QS, he has much to weave into his story.

HOPE, QS, there is always HOPE.

With the pounding of the kala'au sticks, there within lies my heartbeat to you and yours, in sincere wishes for feelings of hope and rejuvenation to envelope you.

For you and I, and others here on CD, are on a difficult journey.
But, we have much life in us QS, we have much to live for, and so do our d cs........

The best thing we can do for them, and ourselves,
is be a shining example in living our lives to the fullest,
living our meaning.

This way, we are not only lighting candles in the window.

We ARE the candle light.

From my heart, my pu'uwai to yours

Nui ke Aloha
leafy

 

[Quicksand]

I felt it, Leafy. That was beautiful..kind of reminded me of the kodo demon drummers that I went to see years ago. Powerful.
He called me a few minutes ago, he said: I see my photos were delivered(he ordered prints of his Appalachian trail trip- to keep him positive when feeling down).. And they arrived today- he asked me to leave them on the porch. I said yes, I love you. He's already grabbed them and gone. It's crazy- here I sat today, seriously thinking the WORST and he's looking for his photos. I need to settle down and stop thinking he's incapable. As you said, he has youth, vitality and strength. I need to feel the feelings and breathe and let them pass.. Thank you, kumu -I think that means teacher <3

 

[New Leaf]

It's crazy- here I sat today, seriously thinking the WORST and he's looking for his photos. I need to settle down and stop thinking he's incapable. As you said, he has youth, vitality and strength. I need to feel the feelings and breathe and let them pass..

It never ceases to amaze me, how we torment ourselves as parents with worry,
then our d cs show up or call, like nothing is happening.

It is a part of this game.
I do not want to be a player,
or a pawn in the game.
It is too, too hard, and wears on my soul.
So, out of the game, I go, with faith and prayers.

You and I, QS, we are the same, we go through the same feelings.
You are teaching me, as well, we are all sharing and teaching one another.
Who better a teacher, than one who shares the load and journey with us?

So, yes, breathe, slow... way... down..., put this experience in your tool chest.
You and I, and others will both be going through many more stages and tests with this.
Each time, we are meant to come out of it, a bit stronger, a bit wiser.

I am glad you are here, sharing your story.
Though, I so wish it were not necessary,
for some reason, we were chosen to bare this.
I hope we will learn what we are supposed to learn from it,
and our d cs, will eventually figure out what they were meant to do with their lives.

In the meantime, take good, good care of yourself, your husband, your daughter.
They are there, with you, supporting you, loving you, as you should be loved.

Put on some music, that calms and soothes you,
look at that beautiful daughter of yours,
and enjoy each others time together.
Give her long and big hugs,
hugs have healing powers,
it is proven scientifically.
The hugger and huggee both benefit.

Thank you QS, for sharing your journey. It is helpful to all of us, who are going through similar challenges.

My son and I are getting our house ready, for the great cookie making on Wednesday evening.
It is our Christmas tradition to make yummy, colorful rolled sugar cookies.
I will try not to eat too many......

Joyful Holidays to you dear, and remember,
let your life light shine brightly.......
Take time to refresh, rebuild, restore,
get out there and live your life to the fullest.

BE the candle!

(((HUGS)))
leafy

 

[Quicksand]

Received a text from Difficult Child today... 2 photos of his front end smashed car. The message read: on my way to f$&cking therapy. Which I found out is closed and my appointment is at 8
Hopefully your day is going just as good as mine. So I basically don't have a ride to therapy now in case you were wondering why I didn't go.
100% sober.

I called him and said I'll give you a ride to therapy if you need it.
He said I'll call you back.

Then he called and asked if I had a copy of the insurance because he doesn't have it. (Of course not)
I sent a photo of insurance, then he replied thanks. I found a ride to therapy.

Next, another call... I need a picture of the title. I said I thought you had it.. No! No! I don't . So, I looked and I had it, sent him a picture of title then his response was:
Alright. Thanks for telling me I had the title. I spent a long time digging through my car trying to find it. It's totaled and the junk place is only giving me $100 for it.
Seeya.

I didn't reply.
UGH ugh ugh we paid 4K for the car in July.
I don't believe 100% sober people go to therapy appointments 5 hours early.
I was starting to feel a little better overall but 4:30am I woke with a sinking feeling today..

 

[New Leaf]

I didn't reply.
UGH ugh ugh we paid 4K for the car in July.
I don't believe 100% sober people go to therapy appointments 5 hours early.
I was starting to feel a little better overall but 4:30am I woke with a sinking feeling today..

OH Quick, I am so sorry.....UGH ugh, ugh is right, and everything is your fault right????
WRONG.
I think your intuition is correct 5 hours early? Totaled the car????????
HUH?

Take some deep breaths, sending prayers.

Take care of YOU!

(((HUGS)))
leafy

 

[New Leaf]

By the way, I ate way too many cookies........


UGH
leafy

 

[New Leaf]

Quicksand, I have just found out my eldest has been using meth for several years....
I didn't know it has been so long, a scary thought....
She has never admitted this to us, of her own accord.
Reality and truth, are defined very differently, in an addicts world.
Hold on, and stand firm.
You will be okay.
(((HUGS)))
leafy

 

[Quicksand]

Quicksand, I have just found out my eldest has been using meth for several years....
I didn't know it has been so long, a scary thought....
She has never admitted this to us, of her own accord.
Reality and truth, are defined very differently, in an addicts world.
Hold on, and stand firm.
You will be okay.
(((HUGS)))
leafy

Thank you. My first response was to hyperventilate. It took me a few and my husband sternly talking me down. Everything that flashed through my mind was: how much is the repair going to cost US? How will I get him to his therapy appointments? Will he have to come back here to stay?
But- my sane mind took hold and I only offered a ride to therapy. And yeah, there's no way I believe he's 100% sober.

 

[Quicksand]

By the way, I ate way too many cookies........


UGH
leafy

Me too!

 

[New Leaf]

Thank you. My first response was to hyperventilate. It took me a few and my husband sternly talking me down. Everything that flashed through my mind was: how much is the repair going to cost US? How will I get him to his therapy appointments? Will he have to come back here to stay?
But- my sane mind took hold and I only offered a ride to therapy. And yeah, there's no way I believe he's 100% sober.

OOOHHH yes, hyperventilating, for the past couple of weeks, I have had that feeling......sort of hard to catch my breath.....palpitations.....looked it up (my university of GOOGLE)
Symptoms of ANXIETY!!!!!
UGH
I have always thought of myself as a kind of easy going person....
Got to look at my lifestyle, how I am handling all of this with my insides, you know?
Reality is, I am affected, so now, what to do with it?
Luckily, I am off work for another week, so I have time to do stuff and reflect on my emotional reactions. Get all the internalized junk OUT.
I so do not want to be enmeshed with this anymore.
My two are out of my house, pushed further back from my head, but occupying way too much space in my heart. They do not give a hoot about how we feel as parents. I do not think they have one thought in their heads about what this cr@p, does to US?

Detachment, physically, and emotionally, but still holding love, definitely a work in progress......
One day at a time, way less cookies and chocolate.

And.....deep slow breaths.
GULP!

We can do this. We got each others backs, and our d cs M.O.
Now, to not let them drag us down with their stuff......
Darn kids......Sink or swim, I want to stay out of their pond........

I want to be John Wayne......There you are my loves, sink or swim.....no regrets, throw them into the pond of their choosing, and let them figure it out, no pining, worrying and jumping in after them.

TO John Wayne!

2016....here we come, a whole new attitude!

This is a recovery song, if my two are not ready, I surely am, ready to recover from the MISERY, their addiction has brought me.

ROAR

(((HUGS)))
leafy

 

[New Leaf]

But- my sane mind took hold and I only offered a ride to therapy. And yeah, there's no way I believe he's 100% sober.

Good for you, we have a good city bus system here.......If you do too, maybe a bus pass?
leafy

 

[Quicksand]

MY recovery. OUR recovery. RECOVERY..!
Leafy, I love you.

 

[New Leaf]

RECOVERY! Love you too Quicksand, we going be just fine........2016 you going be QuickDraw, nobody gonna cut you down at the OK Corral.......



(((Hugs)))
leafy