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My son is spiraling down
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<blockquote data-quote="Jabberwockey" data-source="post: 673867" data-attributes="member: 18238"><p>This is manipulation, pure and simple. He hasn't got what he wants from you yet so he guilt's you into staying on the phone. Keep it simple and when you feel yourself starting to want to jump right in and help, politely and lovingly end the phone call.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>His behaviors are his choice and nobody else's. Are those choices being ruled by his addiction? Yes, but continuing in the addict's life style is his choice. He reaffirms that choice every time he does drugs.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Stop and really think about this quote. "if I let him fall". How do you "LET" him fall? He is a grown man living in a different part of the country. Even if he lived in your house you cant control his actions. Don't beat yourself up over something that you have no control over.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Been there, done that. My advice? Don't. It's highly unlikely that it will end well.</p><p></p><p>I see that he is rushing home to "get help". Make sure that he understands that he wont be living in your home because I can pretty much guarantee that's what he expects. I know it isn't easy for you. Mom's want to help, to fix it for their children. It's much easier for men to detach from their children (male children anyway. I only have a son so can't realistically say about daughters) because its in our nature to prepare them for life then let them figure it out where mothers want to nurture and protect.</p><p></p><p>This might sound a bit harsh, and if it does I apologize but feel that it needs said. Your son's lifestyle may well be the death of him. You have to understand that this lifestyle is HIS choice and in no way influenced by you. He, for some reason or another, real or imagined, has chosen this for himself. Even if he goes to prison, that doesn't mean he will get clean. Sorry, but I've worked in Corrections for over 23 years and drugs are readily available in the prison system.</p><p></p><p>Many others have given you good advice. Take care of yourself. Detach from your son and let him live his life. Giving him money and other things can be enabling but do what you have to for your peace of mind. We cant tell you that yes, this will work, or no, this wont work. None of us are experiencing exactly what you are. We are giving advice based on our circumstances and where we are on our path to detaching from our self destructive adult children. Get help for you and your family from a counselor or self help group, whatever works for you. Take care of yourself because your son certainly wont. Remember that its his life and his choices to make, not yours. I'm so sorry that you have to be here but you have found a wonderful source of support and inspiration. Use what works for you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Jabberwockey, post: 673867, member: 18238"] This is manipulation, pure and simple. He hasn't got what he wants from you yet so he guilt's you into staying on the phone. Keep it simple and when you feel yourself starting to want to jump right in and help, politely and lovingly end the phone call. His behaviors are his choice and nobody else's. Are those choices being ruled by his addiction? Yes, but continuing in the addict's life style is his choice. He reaffirms that choice every time he does drugs. Stop and really think about this quote. "if I let him fall". How do you "LET" him fall? He is a grown man living in a different part of the country. Even if he lived in your house you cant control his actions. Don't beat yourself up over something that you have no control over. Been there, done that. My advice? Don't. It's highly unlikely that it will end well. I see that he is rushing home to "get help". Make sure that he understands that he wont be living in your home because I can pretty much guarantee that's what he expects. I know it isn't easy for you. Mom's want to help, to fix it for their children. It's much easier for men to detach from their children (male children anyway. I only have a son so can't realistically say about daughters) because its in our nature to prepare them for life then let them figure it out where mothers want to nurture and protect. This might sound a bit harsh, and if it does I apologize but feel that it needs said. Your son's lifestyle may well be the death of him. You have to understand that this lifestyle is HIS choice and in no way influenced by you. He, for some reason or another, real or imagined, has chosen this for himself. Even if he goes to prison, that doesn't mean he will get clean. Sorry, but I've worked in Corrections for over 23 years and drugs are readily available in the prison system. Many others have given you good advice. Take care of yourself. Detach from your son and let him live his life. Giving him money and other things can be enabling but do what you have to for your peace of mind. We cant tell you that yes, this will work, or no, this wont work. None of us are experiencing exactly what you are. We are giving advice based on our circumstances and where we are on our path to detaching from our self destructive adult children. Get help for you and your family from a counselor or self help group, whatever works for you. Take care of yourself because your son certainly wont. Remember that its his life and his choices to make, not yours. I'm so sorry that you have to be here but you have found a wonderful source of support and inspiration. Use what works for you. [/QUOTE]
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