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My son just can't get right - this is so long!
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<blockquote data-quote="Teri (AKA goingcrazy2)" data-source="post: 73146" data-attributes="member: 4033"><p>Hi and welcome to the board, you will find lots of helpful advise here. </p><p></p><p>I can totally identify with over indulging your son because I was guilty of the same thing myself for many years, due to guilt at my divorce from their dad and their dad's total lack of interest in them. I did my 2 kids NO favors, believe me, and a total disservice to myself. They took me for granted, were verbally abusive and their behavior was totally out of line. I thought it was me and it was, I was letting them walk all over me and my guilt about them was overwhelming.</p><p></p><p>I did the trips thing and the lots of quality time thing. Family doted on them and they had all the perks that mommy could give them in love, time and money. I had no life outside of my kids, my whole world revolved around them and I couldn't see what I had done wrong.</p><p></p><p>This group helped me detach.</p><p></p><p>You are not doing your son any favors by enabling him. I don't mean to sound harsh, but he is 28, an adult, not even a "young adult" but well on his way. He is responsible for his behavior, not you, not his wife, no matter how trashy she is, cursing and making holes in the wall is his behavior, his problem, not acceptable under any circumstances.</p><p></p><p>I agree with MidwestMom about your grandson, he needs to be evaluated to see why he wasn't speaking until 6. Many of the behaviors you describe raise red flags and I think he really needs an evaluation. From what you describe it sounds as if the adults in his life, including your son, have not interacted with him in a meaningful way. I mean you usually talk to your kid, even baby talk as you go about your daily tasks, putting him in the car seat, bathing him, ect. And you describe him as having been in a closet. Not good. I do agree he needs to be evaluated, and as soon as possible. The earlier the intervention, the more chance of there being positive results. As you have said yourself, he is responding very positively to the interactions he has with you and in school. Check out the early childhood forum for more info and the links as well. more on the early childhood board.</p><p></p><p>However, getting back to your son, you did the best you could raising him and it sounds like you provided him with the best childhood you could and then some. It is time to cut the ropes. You aren't responsible for making sure he gets to work on time, or even getting him to work, he is. If he has to walk or take the bus, then so be it. </p><p></p><p></p><p>I agree with you that you should be doing LESS with your son, rather than more, step back, when he comes up with a problem or a reason why he needs you to do something for him tell him that you are sure he can figure it out himself. He will likely be angry with you at first but too bad, he needs to stand on his own two feet and get his life in order and you can't do that for him.</p><p></p><p>Take deep breaths and detach, baby steps, you can do it.</p><p></p><p>Glad you are here and welcome. This board saved my life.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Teri (AKA goingcrazy2), post: 73146, member: 4033"] Hi and welcome to the board, you will find lots of helpful advise here. I can totally identify with over indulging your son because I was guilty of the same thing myself for many years, due to guilt at my divorce from their dad and their dad's total lack of interest in them. I did my 2 kids NO favors, believe me, and a total disservice to myself. They took me for granted, were verbally abusive and their behavior was totally out of line. I thought it was me and it was, I was letting them walk all over me and my guilt about them was overwhelming. I did the trips thing and the lots of quality time thing. Family doted on them and they had all the perks that mommy could give them in love, time and money. I had no life outside of my kids, my whole world revolved around them and I couldn't see what I had done wrong. This group helped me detach. You are not doing your son any favors by enabling him. I don't mean to sound harsh, but he is 28, an adult, not even a "young adult" but well on his way. He is responsible for his behavior, not you, not his wife, no matter how trashy she is, cursing and making holes in the wall is his behavior, his problem, not acceptable under any circumstances. I agree with MidwestMom about your grandson, he needs to be evaluated to see why he wasn't speaking until 6. Many of the behaviors you describe raise red flags and I think he really needs an evaluation. From what you describe it sounds as if the adults in his life, including your son, have not interacted with him in a meaningful way. I mean you usually talk to your kid, even baby talk as you go about your daily tasks, putting him in the car seat, bathing him, ect. And you describe him as having been in a closet. Not good. I do agree he needs to be evaluated, and as soon as possible. The earlier the intervention, the more chance of there being positive results. As you have said yourself, he is responding very positively to the interactions he has with you and in school. Check out the early childhood forum for more info and the links as well. more on the early childhood board. However, getting back to your son, you did the best you could raising him and it sounds like you provided him with the best childhood you could and then some. It is time to cut the ropes. You aren't responsible for making sure he gets to work on time, or even getting him to work, he is. If he has to walk or take the bus, then so be it. I agree with you that you should be doing LESS with your son, rather than more, step back, when he comes up with a problem or a reason why he needs you to do something for him tell him that you are sure he can figure it out himself. He will likely be angry with you at first but too bad, he needs to stand on his own two feet and get his life in order and you can't do that for him. Take deep breaths and detach, baby steps, you can do it. Glad you are here and welcome. This board saved my life. [/QUOTE]
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My son just can't get right - this is so long!
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