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My son left. I asked him to.
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<blockquote data-quote="Albatross" data-source="post: 688334" data-attributes="member: 17720"><p>What changed to made you realize this, Copa, or to make you think he is not willing to accept the conditions you were going to offer?</p><p></p><p></p><p>What would you expect from him, to make you feel he is doing his part to be part of the family?</p><p></p><p></p><p>This is definitely true for me, Copa. I have to say that life is way better, WAY better, for both of us when there is a physical distance and no intervention between my son and me. I don't overthink everything. I don't try to "fix" stuff. And for his part, he is kinder, he takes more responsibility, and he somehow finds some pretty amazing opportunities that I would have shut down before they had a chance to blossom. When he is not close to me, I marvel at his sense of adventure. When he is close to me, we are NOT any of the above. He is not someone I can stand to be around. He feels the same way about me. </p><p></p><p>But this does not seem to be true of you and your son, from what I have read. The two of you seem to be very close and enjoy each other's company. And I think he is very lucky and very well off to have had your influence.</p><p></p><p>What is your son capable of, Copa, to make it on his own? Where do you see your role in his future? Can you be involved with him in a way that supports him without directing him? For example, what if he paid a nominal rent and earned an hourly rate for doing work around the place? That is fair to both of you, and it doesn't leave you "calling the shots" in terms of whether he goes to school, etc. Would he take advantage of that? How much freedom and lack of supervision are you willing to give him, and where do you think that might lead?</p><p></p><p>Maybe that is where both of you could find a way to keep your closeness and he could find a direction for his life.</p><p></p><p>Just hypothesizing tonight, Copa. Funny how different yet how alike our d.c.'s are.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Albatross, post: 688334, member: 17720"] What changed to made you realize this, Copa, or to make you think he is not willing to accept the conditions you were going to offer? What would you expect from him, to make you feel he is doing his part to be part of the family? This is definitely true for me, Copa. I have to say that life is way better, WAY better, for both of us when there is a physical distance and no intervention between my son and me. I don't overthink everything. I don't try to "fix" stuff. And for his part, he is kinder, he takes more responsibility, and he somehow finds some pretty amazing opportunities that I would have shut down before they had a chance to blossom. When he is not close to me, I marvel at his sense of adventure. When he is close to me, we are NOT any of the above. He is not someone I can stand to be around. He feels the same way about me. But this does not seem to be true of you and your son, from what I have read. The two of you seem to be very close and enjoy each other's company. And I think he is very lucky and very well off to have had your influence. What is your son capable of, Copa, to make it on his own? Where do you see your role in his future? Can you be involved with him in a way that supports him without directing him? For example, what if he paid a nominal rent and earned an hourly rate for doing work around the place? That is fair to both of you, and it doesn't leave you "calling the shots" in terms of whether he goes to school, etc. Would he take advantage of that? How much freedom and lack of supervision are you willing to give him, and where do you think that might lead? Maybe that is where both of you could find a way to keep your closeness and he could find a direction for his life. Just hypothesizing tonight, Copa. Funny how different yet how alike our d.c.'s are. [/QUOTE]
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