My son relapsed....

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by RN0441, Jun 21, 2016.

  1. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    It is with a heavy heart that I post today.

    My son has been sober for 4 months and was in sober living. Looking for a job. Seemingly doing well. Has a nice girl he sees.

    He called me yesterday and said he was not doing well. That he had pnemonia and was going to the hospital. Then his girlfriend got on the phone and said he was at her house on Father's Day and he fell asleep and was breathing funny and started to turn blue so they called 911.

    I was told he was diagnosed with pneumonia but left the hospital early yesterday morning. Didn't make sense. He then went back to the ER yesterday early afternoon but checked himself out again. She was upset and worried but he would not listen to her.

    I then texted him and asked him if he was on drugs. Nothing made sense and we all know when drugs are involved nothing makes sense. He called me immediately and asked me why I would ask that? He has medication and does not need to be in the hospital for pnemonia...hmmm...okay.

    About an hour or so later I got a call from his sober living owner and the truth came out. He took some of his girlfriend's mothers morphine and fell asleep. Her mother is chronically ill. Luckily they saw what was happening and called 911 or he would not be here today. The man was VERY nice and supportive and said that my son could not come back there because he would not pass a drug test but that he would be willing to help him.

    My husband and I were devastated by this news. What do we do now?? We knew the truth. Now it all made sense.

    My son called later and said that he messed up and it was over now; that he was sober for 4 months!!! I told him that HE needed help. He cannot do this alone. No one can. He does not want to go back to rehab and start over. I don't know what one does in a case like this. He was still with his girlfriend last night but I doubt her mother will let him stay there now when she would not before. I asked him WHY he did it. He said he is depressed. I said he needs to get to the bottom of it and he said there is no bottom. He was very emotional but defiant also. He said the pills were "just sitting there". I told him that he obviously needs help if he decided to throw everything away and do this. Luckily her family has dealt with this because her brother is an addict so maybe they will have some mercy on him. His girlfriend is in love with him.

    I told him to call the owner of his house. He had told me that he could refer my son to a place that is smaller and doesn't preach AA/NA across the board but has more of an individualized treatment plan that sometimes works better for young guys that are not really "sold" that they are an addict. He is also an addict - pills - so my son should be able to identify I would think.

    My son told me he just couldn't go yesterday but would today but he contradicted himself too so I don't know what he'll do. I don't know where he stayed last night. He only had $35 but he does have a car. I told him to sleep in his car. He has to feel the consequences of his decision. I told him we were not giving him any money.

    I have not heard from him today. I need advice. If he doesn't go for help do I tell him to stay at a shelter and look for a job? My husband will back me up. We don't know what to do. I know he needs tough love but I think tough love is harder on me than him!
     
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Tough love is a biotch. When I made my daughter leave, and she was only 19, her last words to me were "I will hate you forever!"

    Her words rang in my head for three weeks, until I found out she was ok and she still wouldn't talk to me. Like everyone else, I doubted my decision. I felt dead inside. I think everyone who has had a child who abused drugs get it.

    RN, relapse is a part of recovery. My daughter "quit" three times before it was permanent. Don't give up on him yet. He fessed up and sounds remorseful.

    Our kids relapse because they are addicts. They crave the drugs. They are working against the cravings. It's hard.

    RN, you can not force your son into rehab. You are giving him options though. It is up to him to take the help. My daughter was never in rehab and she quit. Never went to AA/NA. She only had her boyfriend to help. She did not tell us she was quitting. Again. The fourth time was the charm.

    I would not send him money. That is a temptation to buy drugs. But I'd keep expressing the knowledge that he is smart and you know he will pick himself up from thisb(even if you aren't sure you mean it).

    This could just be a normal blip in his recovery. Hang on tight and see what happens. My daughter had to be clean a year before I believed she'd make it. It is so hard.

    Crossing my fingers, toes and eyes and holding your hand tight. Take one day at a time.

    Hugs!!!
     
  3. UpandDown

    UpandDown Active Member

    I am sorry to hear this RN. I am sure you are worried sick. I too am crossing fingers that he will make the right decision and that you and husband both remain strong.
     
  4. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Yes it's awful. We are so stressed but I am at work and have to function and put on a happy face.

    The owner of his sober living house said he would contact him today regarding a small place in Palm Beach that he can go to that would only be inpatient for 1-2 weeks then IOP and then return to sober living. I hope he will take him up on this offer. My son thinks everyone just wants his "insurance money" but everyone I have met in Florida is absolutely wonderful and really want to help. This man was only getting $400 per month for my son to live there. That doesn't sound like someone trying to get rich.

    My son just wants to sweep this under the rug.:(
     
  5. worried sick mother

    worried sick mother Active Member

    RN, I am so sorry to hear this news. I know how hurt you are, this is my biggest fear too. I'm so thankful that your son is ok and they called 911. I haven't had to deal with relapse but I'm always told its part of recovery. I hope this is true.
    I think the best advice I received from the counselor at my sons rehab was that it's his journey and if he relapses its on him. I tell myself this over and over! I think you are definitely doing the right thing not sending any money. I hope you're son will take the help being offered to him and this will just be a minor setback. I think it's really good that he has a girlfriend who cares and will give him incentive to stay clean.
    I am concerned about him having a car, is this car in your name? Do you pay the insurance? If so , you could use that as leverage for him to get help. Also if it is in your name if something happened you could be held responsible or your son could get hurt.
    Sending you hugs, keep us updated.
     
  6. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Thanks to all of you for your support.

    Thank God he is on his way to a treatment facility. He said he is spitting up blood. They will do a full evaluation when he gets there. He was told he has pneumonia after he OD'd also.

    He told me he walked down the hall in his girlfriend house and mom's bedroom door was open and he saw a bunch of pill bottles......that was a trigger. He said it was horrible. Yes it was horrible.

    WSM yes his car is in our name and he paid the insurance for the first six months from money he had from a job a while back. They will take his keys at new facility. We were okay with all of this when he is sober. It was for work and school down the road.

    I'll feel better when he gets there and know he is getting the medical treatment he needs to get back on track. The therapist ratio is 5:1. I'm trusting his sober living owner but what choice do I have? He seems like a great person and very caring. His brother is my son's age and just OD'd last week also so he is dealing with this in his personal life as well.

    I am so thankful for this forum. Please let this be the last time.:brokenheart:
     
    • Like Like x 2
    • Agree Agree x 1
    • Winner Winner x 1
    • List
  7. UpandDown

    UpandDown Active Member

    On his way to treatment, Amen! That is good news and what a relief.
     
    • Like Like x 3
    • Agree Agree x 2
    • List
  8. so ready to live

    so ready to live Active Member

    Hi RN.
    I also hope this for you. My son has never acknowledged he has a problem, but for yours... I feel if just one of ours would make it, we would ALL feel a bit of hope. Maybe not for our own, but maybe for their generation. There seems to be a "whole counter-culture" out there of "I do what I want when want" Life so doesn't work this way-and can't. Hold tight. Prayers.
     
    • Friendly Friendly x 2
    • Agree Agree x 1
    • List
  9. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    He ended up back at the original place we sent him to Florida to go to. I feel some comfort with this. We met the house manager there and toured his house in April when we were there, both the IOP house and the PHP house he will go into right after detox. We feel better.

    So ready and U&D - I had a long talk with him yesterday on the phone and I told him he could have died on Father's Day if she had not been there. What would that have done to his dad? There are no do overs. I feel I have to prepare myself for the worst here. I sent him to Florida to get sober not to die.
     
    • Like Like x 2
    • Agree Agree x 1
    • List
  10. UpandDown

    UpandDown Active Member

    I can only imagine the powerlessness you feel. I just want to scream for you that someone had morphine just sitting out. Yet, I know we can't control all external triggers but that is just scary. My father in law is ill and I was shocked at how many bottles of pills were lined up on the counter. Xanax, opiates, etc. I guess when you don't live in the world of addiction, you don't even think of the possibilities. Did he seem scared himself by his overdose? Praying for you all.
     
    • Like Like x 1
    • Agree Agree x 1
    • List
  11. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    U&D My son's girlfriend brother is an addict per girlfriend text. I do not know to what and if he is okay now or what. So the family has dealt with this. He does not live there though. No one that hasn't dealt with it can even imagine the utter maddness of that type of behavior. I am somewhat comforted by this.

    I can't be worried that if he goes into a house with pills he will take them. He has to be at a point where he doesn't WANT that anymore. I can't make him NOT want that. I am not sure if mom will even let him come back to their home. If she does, the pills have to be locked up. I cannot make her do this, nor should she have to in her own home.

    He told me on the phone yesterday "it was terrible. I walked down the hall and I could see into her mother's room and there were tons of pill bottles sitting there and it was a trigger". The rest is history.

    He was trying to make light of them calling 911 "I'm too big for them to get me into their car". I told him to stop it. I don't know if he's trying to make me feel better or himself feel better.
     
  12. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    You are doing all you can and kudos to your son for going back to treatment. That is a good sign.

    In my own home I don't feel the need to lock up my medications, even the clonazapan. I expect a guest to leave all my stuff alone. The problem is not the morphine being out..m his home/castle/sanctuary.

    The problem is the heinous illness of addiction that makes the addict cross all boundaries to get that high. They even steal from us. It is the addiction that is the problem. Temptation is everywhere. The addict needs to learn ways to live sober.

    It is common to take more than one time in rehab. Praying thank you hat this booster shot does the trick.
     
    • Like Like x 1
    • Agree Agree x 1
    • List
  13. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    SWOT it was treatment or a homeless shelter. So it isn't like he really WANTED to go. I wish that were the case. I wish he wanted to be sober as much as we wanted him to be sober.

    Everyone says that does not matter. But to me it does. I feel angry.

    And my husband still thinks my son will get to the point someday when he can have a few beers. OMG hasn't he been on this journey with me?
     
    • Like Like x 2
    • Agree Agree x 2
    • List
  14. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member

    It may not be the ideal situation, but it is better than the alternative.
     
    • Like Like x 2
    • Agree Agree x 2
    • List
  15. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member

    We have to take what we can get, in this type of situation, RNO.
     
    • Agree Agree x 3
    • Like Like x 1
    • List
    Last edited: Jun 22, 2016
  16. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Men!!!! (Except for Ja bed lol).

    Well, hey, it beats nothing. I will keep hoping and praying.
     
    • Like Like x 1
    • Agree Agree x 1
    • Friendly Friendly x 1
    • List
  17. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member

    thought better of it
     
    Last edited: Jun 22, 2016
  18. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I meant Jabber lol
     
  19. worried sick mother

    worried sick mother Active Member

    That's good news that he's back in treatment. I wouldn't worry about why he's there , studies have shown that treatment works even when it's not their choice. I know all the recovered addicts say you have to want it bad enough but I like studies better than addicts opinions. Rest now that you know he's safe. Keep us posted
     
  20. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    My son called me from detox today. When the phone rings I get immediate anxiety. I know you all know that feeling.

    He sounded really good. He said he felt much better. Had gone in spitting blood and said he had been diagnosed with pneumonia at the hospital but now I'm thinking this was only a cover for the real reason he was admitted. Anyway there is no fluid in his lungs and the blood was from his irritated stomach due to the medication they gave him for overdose which he said made him throw up violently. Can't remember what it's called....

    He also said the place he is at in Deerfield Beach is very, very nice and the food is very good. He likes it there.

    He said that he thinks he is going to start going to NA meetings. He realizes now that he has a more serious problem than he thought. He cannot believe how awful it was that he went into her bedroom and took her medication. He apparently had done it one other time and the sky didn't fall and then did it again. So now the truth comes out....

    I really got emotional when he said these things. He really sounded sincere. I think for the first time EVER.

    He asked me if I would send flowers to his girlfriend whose 18th birthday is next week. He told me to get her something real nice. That reminded me of the movie Christmas Vacation when Eddie told Clark to get himself something real nice (with Clark's money of course). Of course I did as he asked. She did do a lot for him and we were not there so I appreciate her very much for this.

    Maybe he will see the light since he could have actually died this time. This is his fourth time in rehab in 5 years. Heaven help us.
     
Loading...