My son will not have a place to live June 1

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by carolyn4120, May 18, 2015.

  1. carolyn4120

    carolyn4120 New Member

    My son, Matthew is 20 years old. At the age of 17 we had him sent to a residential treatment center for 17 months. He had major rage issues and refused out patient treatment. He stole from us, lied, and we had visits from the police. October 2013 he came back home from graduating the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) program. We had a contract in place, of course he never followed the rules. We didn't follow through. My husband wanted him to finish high school. He graduated high last May. We moved him into a college residents last June 1. Today he is still not working and has stopped going to school. We have given him lots of warning and has refused to talk about getting a job, and has asked us not to ask him about going to school. Yesterday he texted me and asked me what was he to do? I gave him the 211 to call, the number of his Residential Treatment Center (RTC) (where he could get a job), his counselor's number and told him I loved him. I know this is only the beginning of this journey, but he gets to choose his path. I hope I can stay strong enough to let him write his own story. He has mental health issues, but refuses treatment. My counselor, and his counselor from his Residential Treatment Center (RTC) says we are doing the right thing.

    My husband left October 2014. He promptly filed for divorce. During this difficult time of problems with Matthew and my husband, I went into a deep depression. I've been working very hard on myself: counselling, medications, exercising, celebrate recovery, and talking with my very good friends who have also traveled similar journeys. I refuse to have Matthew move in with me. He can still go off on me, and I don't want to have to deal with him. I know myself I won't call the police, so it's better he just doesn't come here. I"m doing better now, I'm stronger but still have a lot of pain.

    I came here for support. Thanks Carolyn
  2. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    Carolyn, Welcome to the board. I'm so sorry you find yourself in a position to need to be here.

    Your story sounds so familiar. Our son is the same age and we put him out of the house last October, for stealing. He also hasn't worked much at all and flunked out of school. In fact, other than the police involvement, I could write much of what you have.

    I'm so sorry your marriage did not survive the struggles you've been through.

    You will find a lot of support here. Please be patient...people can't be here all the time, but they will come and respond.

    You are among friends who understand. :group-hug:
  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Carolyn, I'm so sorry. I agree that you are doing the right thing if he could go off on you and since he refuses to go to school, which you likely paid for. I'm sorry your husband bailed on you and am happy you have friends you can count on. You can always come here too. We are in your corner!
  4. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    Welcome Carolyn. I'm glad you found us. Your story is very similar to many of us here.

    I am impressed with how well you are doing. You have a good grasp of what detachement is. You are smart to not allow him to move in with you. You are right in that he has to make his own choices.

    I'm sorry for all you have gone through. None of it is easy. Again, you impress me with the fact you are taking care of yourself, you are doing all the right things.

    Keep posting and let us know how things are going. Glad you are here.

    ((HUGS)) to you................
  5. nlj

    nlj Well-Known Member

    Welcome Carolyn

    I'm so sorry for all your troubles. It's hard dealing with divorce. Is your ex-husband the father of your troubled son? Is he sharing the burden of coping with the worry and stress?

    I think you have made the right decision to allow your son to work things out for himself and find a way forward. Moving back with you would be a backward step for both of you probably.

    I'm glad you have good friends to support you.

    I hope you can think of everyone on this site as an extended network of good friends.
  6. Scent of Cedar *

    Scent of Cedar * Well-Known Member

    Well done.

    I love this. I am going to put it on my fridge.

    I am sorry. It is hard to hold onto who we are when everything that defined us to ourselves falls apart. I am very sorry this happened to you, and to your family.

    This is good thinking. You are backing up the conclusion with effective rationale.

    Welcome, Carolyn. I am glad you found the site. It has been so helpful to me.

  7. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    :notalone: I will soon be faced with some tough decisions concerning my soon to be 19 year old son. He crossed the line and got into legal hot water. He will be released from juvenile prison next month. They can't control him. How the heck do they think I can?

    I think you are doing great.