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Substance Abuse
My son's drug addiction will not destroy me.
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<blockquote data-quote="SeaGenieTx" data-source="post: 671899" data-attributes="member: 18773"><p>I would love to serve food at a shelter or seniors home - I think that is just what I need to do. I'm going to check with my church. I have to keep forcing myself to get out there and meet people - it's hard. My son is out having a good time, last I checked he got back with his girlfriend and was staying with her 2 hours from here. She lives with her mom and her mom drinks a lot and lets them smoke pot in the house and do whatever. She is the mom who let my son take her car so they could go somewhere and he got pulled over and ticketed for driving with suspended license, no insurance and drug paraphernalia in the car (this was a couple of months ago and was the last straw and cause of our last rift). He told me she had gotten arrested right before my birthday for pot when she was with a friend. That's why he showed up, on my birthday, with her in tow because he had just picked her up from jail. I didn't know that until recently - I was just so livid he showed up on my birthday late that night (he had a card and flowers for me) but he had her with him and it was like "here's a card, flowers, now we are leaving..". I wanted to spend some time with him alone so we could talk but no.... he was connected at the hip with his jailbird. That night they kept taking off to be alone (get high). I just felt so let down but it was my birthday and I just let it go.</p><p></p><p>Now the holidays are coming up, he has to be low on cash (the inheritance he got was down to $7K a month ago and I'm sure it's dwindled down to probably about $3K since he is paying his cell and blowing money on partying.</p><p></p><p>What I don't get is.... when I last kicked him out, he filled a suitcase and grabbed his laptop but all of his clothes are still here and he hasn't asked to come get them. His room - I haven't even been able to go in there and start packing up stuff - I'd love to turn that room into my office/art room but to start boxing up everything, I can't do it. He needs to come get all his crap and box it up himself I guess, I dunno...</p><p></p><p>I need your help. I'm the parent but I feel like I should not contact him so he can miss me, wonder if I'm ok for a change.... but then I think as immature as he is, his brain won't register "I am worried about my mom, hope she is ok". I'm not going to reach out to him to see if he will contact me. I've always made the first move because I just was so worried and missed him. Not this time, I can't. Forgive me for rambling and writing but I am getting this off my chest - thank you for listening ((hugs)).</p><p></p><p>Reasons my son can not live with me: Kept bringing drugs and drug toys in my home when I asked him to stop. Explained to him that I could go to jail and lose my job if cops came in and found his stuff. He kept bringing friends over to get high during the day while I was at work after I repeatedly told him no one could come over when I was not home. Told him to stop bringing random girls home from bars to spend the night in his room, especially on week nights. He kept waking me up at 3-4a.m because I would hear him and drunk girl of the night laughing and talking. Last straw was a Sunday night and I had work the next morning. I made him take her home. Next day I told him to be home when I got home because I was pissed and he knew it - he was gone and said he was sick of talking, I said I was sick of his disrespect, he packed his suitcase and left.</p><p></p><p>He won't get a job - the few jobs he's had he got fired or quit after a month or two. He's made no attempt to enroll in local community college (which is right by my house - he would walk there if he wanted and I offered to pay for a few classes to get him started - but no interest). Sleeping until Noon, playing video games, staying out all night until 3-4am, drinking and drugging, etc....</p><p></p><p>After that big blow up I saw posts on Instagram a few days later of him laughing as he was driving his car with a whipits inhalant can in his lap. Made me literally sick to my stomach seeing that. I just think of what he is doing to his brain and I get ill. Two of his female friends died from heroin overdoses, three stints in jail and he is driving around inhaling whipits while driving with a suspended license, no insurance and obviously no brain. 23 years old with the mentality of a 14 year old.</p><p></p><p>Now I have no idea what he is doing - I check his girlfriend and friends Insta and Facebook accts and catch a post here or there. It's such a horrible feeling knowing my son could care less about me and is being so reckless and irresponsible. Feels like my heart is being slowly poisoned. I was such a great mother to this kid. This is what I get and it's the worst pain I have ever felt. I feel like I wasted my life and produced devil spawn. I truly lost a happy sweet, funny, artistic boy to the devil.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SeaGenieTx, post: 671899, member: 18773"] I would love to serve food at a shelter or seniors home - I think that is just what I need to do. I'm going to check with my church. I have to keep forcing myself to get out there and meet people - it's hard. My son is out having a good time, last I checked he got back with his girlfriend and was staying with her 2 hours from here. She lives with her mom and her mom drinks a lot and lets them smoke pot in the house and do whatever. She is the mom who let my son take her car so they could go somewhere and he got pulled over and ticketed for driving with suspended license, no insurance and drug paraphernalia in the car (this was a couple of months ago and was the last straw and cause of our last rift). He told me she had gotten arrested right before my birthday for pot when she was with a friend. That's why he showed up, on my birthday, with her in tow because he had just picked her up from jail. I didn't know that until recently - I was just so livid he showed up on my birthday late that night (he had a card and flowers for me) but he had her with him and it was like "here's a card, flowers, now we are leaving..". I wanted to spend some time with him alone so we could talk but no.... he was connected at the hip with his jailbird. That night they kept taking off to be alone (get high). I just felt so let down but it was my birthday and I just let it go. Now the holidays are coming up, he has to be low on cash (the inheritance he got was down to $7K a month ago and I'm sure it's dwindled down to probably about $3K since he is paying his cell and blowing money on partying. What I don't get is.... when I last kicked him out, he filled a suitcase and grabbed his laptop but all of his clothes are still here and he hasn't asked to come get them. His room - I haven't even been able to go in there and start packing up stuff - I'd love to turn that room into my office/art room but to start boxing up everything, I can't do it. He needs to come get all his crap and box it up himself I guess, I dunno... I need your help. I'm the parent but I feel like I should not contact him so he can miss me, wonder if I'm ok for a change.... but then I think as immature as he is, his brain won't register "I am worried about my mom, hope she is ok". I'm not going to reach out to him to see if he will contact me. I've always made the first move because I just was so worried and missed him. Not this time, I can't. Forgive me for rambling and writing but I am getting this off my chest - thank you for listening ((hugs)). Reasons my son can not live with me: Kept bringing drugs and drug toys in my home when I asked him to stop. Explained to him that I could go to jail and lose my job if cops came in and found his stuff. He kept bringing friends over to get high during the day while I was at work after I repeatedly told him no one could come over when I was not home. Told him to stop bringing random girls home from bars to spend the night in his room, especially on week nights. He kept waking me up at 3-4a.m because I would hear him and drunk girl of the night laughing and talking. Last straw was a Sunday night and I had work the next morning. I made him take her home. Next day I told him to be home when I got home because I was pissed and he knew it - he was gone and said he was sick of talking, I said I was sick of his disrespect, he packed his suitcase and left. He won't get a job - the few jobs he's had he got fired or quit after a month or two. He's made no attempt to enroll in local community college (which is right by my house - he would walk there if he wanted and I offered to pay for a few classes to get him started - but no interest). Sleeping until Noon, playing video games, staying out all night until 3-4am, drinking and drugging, etc.... After that big blow up I saw posts on Instagram a few days later of him laughing as he was driving his car with a whipits inhalant can in his lap. Made me literally sick to my stomach seeing that. I just think of what he is doing to his brain and I get ill. Two of his female friends died from heroin overdoses, three stints in jail and he is driving around inhaling whipits while driving with a suspended license, no insurance and obviously no brain. 23 years old with the mentality of a 14 year old. Now I have no idea what he is doing - I check his girlfriend and friends Insta and Facebook accts and catch a post here or there. It's such a horrible feeling knowing my son could care less about me and is being so reckless and irresponsible. Feels like my heart is being slowly poisoned. I was such a great mother to this kid. This is what I get and it's the worst pain I have ever felt. I feel like I wasted my life and produced devil spawn. I truly lost a happy sweet, funny, artistic boy to the devil. [/QUOTE]
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My son's drug addiction will not destroy me.
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