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Substance Abuse
My son's drug addiction will not destroy me.
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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 671904" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Good Sea, go check with your church, I am sure they have those connections. Yes, it is hard. But you can do this, I know you can.</p><p></p><p> I know this feeling Sea, similar things have happened to me over and over. Drug addiction is an incredibly selfish road.</p><p></p><p>You are probably right, but what can you do? He is an adult and will spend his money as he pleases. It is unfortunate that he is blowing his inheritance. He will regret it later on I am sure. In this frame of mind, money to spend.</p><p> He probably went and bought new stuff, Sea. It is like my two, they would come and go, when they left, they would leave all kinds of stuff behind for us to clean out. Right now, I am dealing with it (been four months since they have gone). They do not care about the mess they left, or the value of the things they left. They do not care about the big hole in our hearts they made. Drugs make people do the awfullest things to their parents, Sea.</p><p>What if you just went in there and boxed stuff up and donated it? That's what I did. It was hard, but it had to be done. I could breathe a bit better after that. Then, I started cleaning out and getting rid of all the extra stuff I had accumulated, "just in case" they all came back. We live in a very small house and were doubled up to over the max with 6 extra people (3 grands, 2 d cs , grands bio dad on occasion). It was crazy, Sea, what hubs and I did for them, how we bent over backwards again and again. They didn't care. They just kept on drugging and shoving it in our faces. Because of our grands, we kept "helping". 11 long years of crazy. Promises every time.</p><p></p><p>Are you holding on to the clothes in case he comes back, or are you still grieving his going and can't bring yourself to clear it out?</p><p>Grief is your process Sea, take as long as you need. But there is a thing called spiraling, when the same feelings and thought processes spill out of you each time. This is not healthy.</p><p>If you see this happening over and again, please get counseling. I went, it helped.</p><p></p><p>It may help you tremendously to make that art room, Sea. If you are like me as an artist, you have an intrinsic need to express yourself through art. If I stifle this, I get sick, something is missing.</p><p>When our children go their way, even our children who do well, there is the empty nest. Not only in our homes, but in our hearts. I needed to fill the empty. So, I sculpt. I am going to go back to my painting after my clay class. I am on Pinterest, I love collecting ideas. Now it is time to put those ideas to use.</p><p></p><p>Tell me about your art Sea, I would love to know of it.</p><p> Oh Sea, I am probably the last person to give advice on this. I have gone no contact for the same reasons. Thank you for sharing. At times, I feel like I have no soul, I do not even want to contact my children. That I suppose is the result of years of abusive behaviors from these two. They are extremely toxic to me, downright cruel. My no contact is much like yours. I feel I should not be the one to reach out. It feels silly and immature at times. In reality, I am protecting myself and rightly so. If my children picked up the phone and were to apologize......but I will not hold my breath.</p><p>This is how I feel now, but I may change my mind.</p><p>I am also cognizant of the fact that they are capable of seemingly making amends to manipulate me into enabling again. It is incredibly complicated.</p><p>I wrote one post that our d cs do not see us as people with feelings. We are things, to them, that is how they use us so completely. We are things to them, when they are on drugs.</p><p></p><p> He left, good. He was telling you through his actions, that he was not going to follow your rules, shoving his lifestyle in your face. Good he left. He was, like my two, blatantly disrespectful, unkind and uncaring. Good for you, he left.</p><p><em><strong>Now to fill the empty,</strong></em> <strong>Sea.</strong></p><p> This could be my story too. UGH! Going off to work as the princesses of the drug world...slept. What were we thinking? Were we out of our minds to be so disrespected that way! It never changed. At first when they would come back home, it seemed different. As soon as they settled in, the mask came off and the partying began. <em>It was horrible. </em></p><p><em><img src="http://cdn-media-1.lifehack.org/wp-content/files/2014/09/Do-not-tolerate-disrespect-not-even-from-yourself..jpg" alt="" class="fr-fic fr-dii fr-draggable " style="" /> </em></p><p></p><p> Sea, this is his choice, there is no stopping him. Cedar put it in a way to help stop the awfullizing. That our d cs are out discovering themselves. They are on a path. Hopefully they will learn. In my "I won't give up" thread, I wrote of this. My letting my two go and letting God is that, I did not give up, I gave in. I gave them back to God, and when I go down the road of awfullizing, I say a quick prayer, it calms me. God is powerful, he will watch over them. They have got to figure this out. They cannot be with me, I am in their way. They will figure this out, sooner or later. It has nothing to do with me.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Sea, you did not produce Devils spawn. He cannot see you as you are, through his drug eyes right now. Now is just that,<em> now. </em>Things change, they may not. </p><p>You are a person with much value. This is the time for you to rediscover your self, to branch out and make a life for you. You are in the health care industry are you not? Me, too. Giving of yourself to help others is cathartic, but also can sap you of much needed energy. </p><p>We cannot give from empty. </p><p>Treat yourself to a massage. Watch a sunset. Paint, then paint some more. </p><p>We have got to fill the empty, Sea. Taking care of yourself is not selfish. We all need R&R.</p><p></p><p>Do you make time for these things? You are so worth making time for yourself to rebuild.</p><p></p><p>I am glad you are thinking of helping during Thanksgiving. I think this is a great idea. I think it will open up a whole new world for you.</p><p></p><p>The world is out there for you Sea, with endless possibilities. </p><p>Now, to go out and get them!</p><p></p><p> Keep in touch dear. </p><p></p><p>Please take good care.</p><p></p><p>A hui hou (until we meet again) Malama pono (take care)</p><p>God bless</p><p></p><p>(((HUGS)))</p><p>leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 671904, member: 19522"] Good Sea, go check with your church, I am sure they have those connections. Yes, it is hard. But you can do this, I know you can. I know this feeling Sea, similar things have happened to me over and over. Drug addiction is an incredibly selfish road. You are probably right, but what can you do? He is an adult and will spend his money as he pleases. It is unfortunate that he is blowing his inheritance. He will regret it later on I am sure. In this frame of mind, money to spend. He probably went and bought new stuff, Sea. It is like my two, they would come and go, when they left, they would leave all kinds of stuff behind for us to clean out. Right now, I am dealing with it (been four months since they have gone). They do not care about the mess they left, or the value of the things they left. They do not care about the big hole in our hearts they made. Drugs make people do the awfullest things to their parents, Sea. What if you just went in there and boxed stuff up and donated it? That's what I did. It was hard, but it had to be done. I could breathe a bit better after that. Then, I started cleaning out and getting rid of all the extra stuff I had accumulated, "just in case" they all came back. We live in a very small house and were doubled up to over the max with 6 extra people (3 grands, 2 d cs , grands bio dad on occasion). It was crazy, Sea, what hubs and I did for them, how we bent over backwards again and again. They didn't care. They just kept on drugging and shoving it in our faces. Because of our grands, we kept "helping". 11 long years of crazy. Promises every time. Are you holding on to the clothes in case he comes back, or are you still grieving his going and can't bring yourself to clear it out? Grief is your process Sea, take as long as you need. But there is a thing called spiraling, when the same feelings and thought processes spill out of you each time. This is not healthy. If you see this happening over and again, please get counseling. I went, it helped. It may help you tremendously to make that art room, Sea. If you are like me as an artist, you have an intrinsic need to express yourself through art. If I stifle this, I get sick, something is missing. When our children go their way, even our children who do well, there is the empty nest. Not only in our homes, but in our hearts. I needed to fill the empty. So, I sculpt. I am going to go back to my painting after my clay class. I am on Pinterest, I love collecting ideas. Now it is time to put those ideas to use. Tell me about your art Sea, I would love to know of it. Oh Sea, I am probably the last person to give advice on this. I have gone no contact for the same reasons. Thank you for sharing. At times, I feel like I have no soul, I do not even want to contact my children. That I suppose is the result of years of abusive behaviors from these two. They are extremely toxic to me, downright cruel. My no contact is much like yours. I feel I should not be the one to reach out. It feels silly and immature at times. In reality, I am protecting myself and rightly so. If my children picked up the phone and were to apologize......but I will not hold my breath. This is how I feel now, but I may change my mind. I am also cognizant of the fact that they are capable of seemingly making amends to manipulate me into enabling again. It is incredibly complicated. I wrote one post that our d cs do not see us as people with feelings. We are things, to them, that is how they use us so completely. We are things to them, when they are on drugs. He left, good. He was telling you through his actions, that he was not going to follow your rules, shoving his lifestyle in your face. Good he left. He was, like my two, blatantly disrespectful, unkind and uncaring. Good for you, he left. [I][B]Now to fill the empty,[/B][/I] [B]Sea.[/B] This could be my story too. UGH! Going off to work as the princesses of the drug world...slept. What were we thinking? Were we out of our minds to be so disrespected that way! It never changed. At first when they would come back home, it seemed different. As soon as they settled in, the mask came off and the partying began. [I]It was horrible. [IMG]http://cdn-media-1.lifehack.org/wp-content/files/2014/09/Do-not-tolerate-disrespect-not-even-from-yourself..jpg[/IMG] [/I] Sea, this is his choice, there is no stopping him. Cedar put it in a way to help stop the awfullizing. That our d cs are out discovering themselves. They are on a path. Hopefully they will learn. In my "I won't give up" thread, I wrote of this. My letting my two go and letting God is that, I did not give up, I gave in. I gave them back to God, and when I go down the road of awfullizing, I say a quick prayer, it calms me. God is powerful, he will watch over them. They have got to figure this out. They cannot be with me, I am in their way. They will figure this out, sooner or later. It has nothing to do with me. Sea, you did not produce Devils spawn. He cannot see you as you are, through his drug eyes right now. Now is just that,[I] now. [/I]Things change, they may not. You are a person with much value. This is the time for you to rediscover your self, to branch out and make a life for you. You are in the health care industry are you not? Me, too. Giving of yourself to help others is cathartic, but also can sap you of much needed energy. We cannot give from empty. Treat yourself to a massage. Watch a sunset. Paint, then paint some more. We have got to fill the empty, Sea. Taking care of yourself is not selfish. We all need R&R. Do you make time for these things? You are so worth making time for yourself to rebuild. I am glad you are thinking of helping during Thanksgiving. I think this is a great idea. I think it will open up a whole new world for you. The world is out there for you Sea, with endless possibilities. Now, to go out and get them! Keep in touch dear. Please take good care. A hui hou (until we meet again) Malama pono (take care) God bless (((HUGS))) leafy [/QUOTE]
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