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my step son
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 286399" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I would be furious and resentful in your situation.</p><p></p><p>husband is crippling his son. The boy/man clearly CAN earn money. He needs to grow up and support himself. He will NEVER grow up unless you and husband cut off the money flow. It is like insisting a ten year old can only drink out of a baby bottle - totally absurd!</p><p></p><p>If he can earn the $$ for a vacation to Europe in just a month i would want to know what he is doing. With that kind of money he should be able to live a very nice life on his salary. It may be tough at times until he learns that they evict you, turn off the water and power, and repo the car if you don't pay your bills.</p><p></p><p>If he isn't working a job that provides that kind of money how did he get enough for the vacation? It sounds like drugs may be part of his equation. It is one of the few ways a person with no saving and a low paying job could get that money that fast. Most people work for years to save up money for a vacation to Europe.</p><p></p><p>It is time to kick him out. Give him notice (be sure to check with the court because you might actually have to do an eviction if he has been living in your home.) and then change the locks.</p><p></p><p>You may have to draw a line in the sand about what you will and will not tolerate. If possible it may be wise to see a therapist to help you address this with husband.</p><p></p><p>If you are to have him live with you then maybe you should think about doing drug testing with him - just don't tell him even 10 minutes ahead of time. With all his partying the chances he is using are extremely high.</p><p></p><p>If he is using, then every single dollar you spend supporting him, giving him money for gas, not charging rent and utilities, it ALL is enabling his drug or alcohol abuse. Al Anon or Narc Anon would be very valuable meetings for you and husband. If he won't go don't let it stop you from going. It won't hurt anything if he isn't using. If he is using, it could help you save his life. If he doesn't have support then he may actually "hit bottom" and decide to change.</p><p></p><p>I feel sorry for your son. He works hard, follows the rules, pays his bills and then gets his nose rubbed in the fact that he isn't good enough for you to pay HIS way like you pay stepbro's bills. There has to be some resentment there and if you don't work to put a stop to the enabling of stepbro then you may seriously damage your relationship with your son. </p><p></p><p>GEntle hugs, it is hard to see the situation as clearly as you do and then have to wait for your partner to see the light.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 286399, member: 1233"] I would be furious and resentful in your situation. husband is crippling his son. The boy/man clearly CAN earn money. He needs to grow up and support himself. He will NEVER grow up unless you and husband cut off the money flow. It is like insisting a ten year old can only drink out of a baby bottle - totally absurd! If he can earn the $$ for a vacation to Europe in just a month i would want to know what he is doing. With that kind of money he should be able to live a very nice life on his salary. It may be tough at times until he learns that they evict you, turn off the water and power, and repo the car if you don't pay your bills. If he isn't working a job that provides that kind of money how did he get enough for the vacation? It sounds like drugs may be part of his equation. It is one of the few ways a person with no saving and a low paying job could get that money that fast. Most people work for years to save up money for a vacation to Europe. It is time to kick him out. Give him notice (be sure to check with the court because you might actually have to do an eviction if he has been living in your home.) and then change the locks. You may have to draw a line in the sand about what you will and will not tolerate. If possible it may be wise to see a therapist to help you address this with husband. If you are to have him live with you then maybe you should think about doing drug testing with him - just don't tell him even 10 minutes ahead of time. With all his partying the chances he is using are extremely high. If he is using, then every single dollar you spend supporting him, giving him money for gas, not charging rent and utilities, it ALL is enabling his drug or alcohol abuse. Al Anon or Narc Anon would be very valuable meetings for you and husband. If he won't go don't let it stop you from going. It won't hurt anything if he isn't using. If he is using, it could help you save his life. If he doesn't have support then he may actually "hit bottom" and decide to change. I feel sorry for your son. He works hard, follows the rules, pays his bills and then gets his nose rubbed in the fact that he isn't good enough for you to pay HIS way like you pay stepbro's bills. There has to be some resentment there and if you don't work to put a stop to the enabling of stepbro then you may seriously damage your relationship with your son. GEntle hugs, it is hard to see the situation as clearly as you do and then have to wait for your partner to see the light. [/QUOTE]
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