I was having a hard couple of months, who me? With the in-laws bashing me and then husband and me ready to knock each other out over In-laws, finances, kids etc... husband had a severe Gout attack for almost 3 weeks, he could not walk. I also had to hear all about how I could never start or finish anything, I had no friends, (I had thoughts of Abbey and my imaginary friends and throwing things). I kind of sunk and got a tiny bit anxious wonky... So I signed up for those classes, would not let myself cancel. I made an apt for a therapist. Me and psychiatrist upped my medications a bit. Her suggestion was to start a happy journal, I told her to F'off. She started laughing. Then explained her reasoning and theory behind it. If I could start to think of happy things about myself, husband even the in-laws. Write them down... let myself visualize these things, burn them into my brain. When I start seeing red and want to strangle and cast these people out of my life... maybe just maybe I can stop and see something good and calm myself. So I have actually been trying it, kicking and screaming. But I have to say it has been helping a bit. I am also trying to let his parents out of my mind. Not ask about them, not let them invade my space. Slow process but good. They are good people, they are trying, they do mess up and have have, but they want to try. So I have to give them that. Who am I to throw stones? Then there is my therapist. She wants me to learn to breathe, to stop and breathe before I want to just walk away. Stop and breathe, think of my happy thoughts... another long process. She feels I have a lot of deep dark PTSD. She thinks I am messed up because I laughed when I told her about my suicide attempt. I said, "Well don't you think the whole story is absurd?" Laughed more... I was laughing and telling her about how California let me out in 24 hours, no medications, no long term plan etc. How Therapy was with my Dad, but there were rules about what we could talk about because he was a drug dealer. I find that pretty funny. I don't think she did. LOL I think she will be pretty good, because she will teach me how to stand up for myself, even just by standing up to her. Telling her when I think something is BS. I started my Spanish class, I feel really dumb! But it will be good for me, I just have to keep forcing myself to keep going, not let my anxiety stop me. Like our kids, once I am there I have fun, it is the getting out the door part! So the painful part! YOGA OMG! Yesterday, husband and I went for an 1 1/2 class. I was shaking by the and of the class. This is a beginning class. I am so sore today! husband is as well. She said we did really well. But she is a butt kicker and makes you really hold the poses and do them very sloooowly, so you feel them. It will be very good, but my gosh. I hurt all over! She is in her 40's and very traditional, not a fancy place which is perfect. Any way, my journey to well being seems to be going OK, the therapist wants me to go once a week. Ha Ha. Lots of deep breathing and trying to find the good in people. But husband was trying to start a fight the other night and normally I would have turned into a raving banshee... I stayed calm. He later apologized and said he was stressed. It was over K's neuro-psychiatric apt cost. Dumb. Sorry this is of course LOOOONG. just thought I would update a bit.