My therapist more interested in my kids than me?

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Alisonlg, Jul 11, 2007.

  1. Alisonlg

    Alisonlg New Member

    So, I had another appointment with my therapist yesterday and I left feeling like perhaps I'm wasting my time. I don't know. We spend the bulk of our sessions talking about M & C and their behaviors and her giving me feedback on what she thinks their diagnosis might be based on what I've told her about them and yadda, yadda, yadda. While I guess it's helpful to have another professional to bounce information off of, I'm not sure that's really the purpose of my visits. I'm there to make sure *I'm* make sure that I'm mentally on the up and up, that when I give the mental family history to my children's Dr's, that I'm giving a complete and honest family history, and to make sure that mama is taken care of.

    Granted, my children are a picture of what is going on in my life, but she seems far more interested in THEM than ME. There's none of that..."and how does that make you feel" or "and how do you react to that?" And while recent events have certainly triggered an emotional roller coaster, I want to be sure my innate, long term reactions to things are within "normal" range...but she does not seem at all interested in finding out about my past or personality, really. There were a couple times she quickly asked some questions to try to see if I was depressed (like when I told her I was a homebody and she asked if I was "always like that" to see if this was a new behavior, etc.)...but that's about it.

    So...I don't know. Is this normal? For those of you who see tdocs, is this how your sessions usually go as well? Is it mostly about your kids? If not, what would you say/do?

    I don't know how to address this with her without sounding like a hypochondriac! I mean, I don't want to say...hey, I think something is wrong with me and you're ignoring me, because that's not what I'm trying to say...but I do have some concerns that I certainly get the impression she's overlooking/ignoring/not even aware of because she hasn't even asked...I'm just looking for either some reassurance that my emotions/reactions fall within "normal" range so I can stop focusing on them or some recognition that they are not within normal range so I know that she's at least aware of my concerns and we can work on them...rather than just trying to diagnosis my kids. They have their own Dr's for goodness sakes!
  2. jannie

    jannie trying to survive....

    I totally understand your frustration and I'd be upset as well--

    I must tell you that I found myself talking about my kids during most of my therapy sessions as well, however I was initiating the conversation, not the doctor.

    Next time he asks I would politely reply that they seem to be doing "fine" and that you'd prefer to focus on you rather than on the kids. I'd let him/her know that you're trying to seek help for yourself rather than the kids--maybe t-doctor will get the hint...if not find a new doctor.
  3. jbrain

    jbrain Member

    Like Jannie, I also find myself talking about my kids most of the time during therapy, but it is also initiated by me. And my therapist always asks what I am doing for myself and how my job is going and my marriage, etc. Her focus is definitely on me and how all that is going on in my life is affecting me. I would agree that you need to find a new therapist if you can't get this across to the therapist.
  4. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    We talk about everything, but whoever is at the apt is the one she focuses on... When husband was going through his thing she focused on helping him. She see's all of us so we kind of mix it up, but if I need to talk about ME we do.
    That is tough, I guess I would try going to the next apt with a list of what you are thinking about, stuff that is important to you right now, and just start talking. It is your money!!!
    Or go in with your list and say, I have some stuff I have been thinking about, do you mind if we discuss some of these things? The list might help you stay on track if she gets off...

    good luck, very annoying!
  5. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I'd literally make a note to yourself to bring in next time, to list the things you want to talk about. Then skim over the kids and focus on what you really need to work on. It especially sounds like you want to talk about your reactions and whether they're overblown, whether the emotional fallout from an event with-the kids, for eg., lasts too long, whether you're carrying ideas around in your head that may be better dispensed with so you can focus on other things. Some therapists aren't as good at facilitating as they could be. If you like this person's views, I'd give it another try and see what happens. Good luck!
  6. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    It has been my experience that finding a good therapist for myself takes time. Sometimes the therapist and I just have not melded. In fact I had one tell me that one time - "I just don't get you, you and I do not communicate well." It happened to be what I was thinking to, so that was fine, and I moved on.

    I know I have had one for 5 years that is absolutely amazing! She helped me thru a divorce, past parental abuse issues, and yes, with some parenting techniques. However, she rarely brings a certain topic up, I always intiate all topics, and if we talk about my son, then I set the pace of the conversation. She does not ever try and diagnosis him, I think that is pretty unprofessional. She always has sage advice for ways for me to deal with Mat, but again, only when I ask.

    I would try for a couple of more sessions, if there is still this need for the therapist to muddle around in more of your kid's issues than yours, I would find a new therapist.

    take care