Hi everyone, I have been silently following this forum for about 9 months. I have a son, 22, great guy, just got engaged to a great girl TODAY, bought a little starter home last November, has a great job, responsible. My daughter is 19 with ADD. Have had her in therapy 3 times. Started her on ADD medications when she was 16 but she stopped them after 2 months. She is very smart but emotionally immature, has always wanted to go to college since she was in elementary school, wanted to run a business or be a teacher. Very stubborn and strong willed. Started lying in middle school and now I know that most of her high school years were lies. She got caught having sex with a boy in the bathroom at school in 10th grade. I moved her to another high school. 11th grade was pretty good. 12th grade I THOUGHT was good, she was going to half a day at dual enrollment at a community college andthen rest of day at high school. Well, I found out in January, 2012 that she actually failed her first semester of dual college classes, pretended she was enrolled for the second semester but really wasn't and was also skipping alot of her high school classes and lost her driver license temprarily for truancy. High school never notified me when she was not in class so I didn't know until I got the letter from the DMV. Long long story short, she ended up taking online classes and graduated but barely. During this time, her boyfriend who is the dictionary definition of a loser was sent by his parents to live with family in New Jersey but he came back home aftr about 4 months and my daughter was secretly seeing him again. My ex husband knew and he thought I was aware of this but I did not know. I knew she spoke to him but that was it. I now know that she was skipping school to hang out with him but at the time she told me she was skipping schooll because she was suicidal and she was just randomly driving around every day thinking how to kill herself. Of course I freaked out and I got her into therapy again. I now know she lies constantly but I was a complete fool and believed her all these years. anyway, she suddenly moved out last June to her boyfriends after we had an argument. I have never even met this guys parents. Lord knows what she told them why she had to move out. Her dad and my son think the parents wanted her to move in to straighten out their son plus she had a nice car and a good job and was going to college so she was a "great catch". The boy friend nor the parents had a car, he did not have a driver license, a job or a high school diploma and his father is on disability and his mother part time. but this guy listened to my daughter and gave her attention and she craved that. Two days after she left, she got arrested for shop lifting. I found out because the store sent a letter to my house. She went to court by herself and wasn't even going to tell me. She is extremely independent. I have not had a good night sleep since she moved out. I found instagram pictures online of her and her boyfriend smoking pot and displaying their collection of bongs. This girl wouldn't even be around a smoker when she was growing up because of several family members dying of cancer. And she thought anyone doing drugs was an idiot. She is broke all the time, her cell is shut off more than it is turned on, she wrecked her car (which she bought herself by working part time since she was 16) and I found her another one which she immediately turned over to her boyfriend and his family. boyfriend has been arrested twice and just got arrested a third time in February for pot paraphernalia possession. He pled guilty and is on probation. My daughter has supposedly been going to community college this past year (I had a prepaid college plan for her) but I think she has dropped out or failed all or most of her classes. She won't tell me if she passed or not and I am too emotionally weak to look online. I am just emotionally exhausted. I am working a full time job and a part time job. Now, I got a text from her TODAY that she is FOUR MONTHS PREGNANT. Since my kids were in middle school I have talked to both of them over and over to not have sex until older and then not to have a child until they could afford to take care of it. I had paid for a doctor's appointment and about 7 months of birth control pills when she left last June and then she said she didn't want me to pay for them anymore when I asked when she wanted to meet me at planned parenthood to get more pills. She said she would pay for them herself. I told her to please make sure she did not get pregnant and I would pay for pills, dr visits, whatever no questions asked. I saw her on Mother's day and in hindsight she was probably 3 months then. She didn't say a word. I am just devastated. I know this is a very long message. I tried to condense alot and left ALOT out. At this point I am not positive even where she is living. I know they got kicked out of his parents house about a month and a half ago but I think they moved back there but she won't tell me or her dad where she is. She blames all her problems on the fact that her dad was not a great parent and didn't give her any attention and her step mother didn't like her. I understand these are issues for her but she keeps making herself the victim. I just don't know what to do now. I have been a single parent since my kids were 1 and 4 and I am tired. I rarely dated because I felt like I needed to spend my time being a mom and I know I was a good mom. My son is not perfect but he is truly a great guy and he tells me over and over that I am a great mom and he is fed up with his sister and wants me to just let her go but she is my child. I can't just turn my back on her. After I found out today via text that she was pregnant I told my daughter how angry I was and how irresponsible she is so now she isn't speaking to me because I am not happyabout this She did't ask for help but I know eventually this loser is going to leave her or kick her out and I will end up cleaning up her mess and taking care of the child I told her not to have. I am so exhausted. I can't raise another child. I have been struglling my entire life. I am 53.. I just want to take care of me finally that I have raised my kids. Now my daughter made the choice to have a child and I am afraid I will be the one who will end up taking care of it financially. I am not a bad person. People say I am a really good person. I know it sounds bad but I don't want to raise a grandchild. I need to finally take care of me. and my heart breaks that my daughter has messed up her future. She should be having fun and going to college instead of having a baby. Anyone been in this situation that can offer some hope or what I should do? I am working 2 jobs to pay off debt. I was hoping to quit the 2nd job by next January. I don't want to work 2 jobs to pay for my daughter's decision that I told her not to do. I know this sounds bad but I feel so angry. She says I am horrible because I am not happy that I am going to have a grand child. If my son was going to have a child I would be ok with that. he and his now fiance both have good jobs and can afford to take care of a child. I am so sorry for writing so much. I hope someone reads all this blather and can offer some advice. thank you!