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The Watercooler
Narcicistic father. Is he too old for me to take a stand?
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<blockquote data-quote="muttmeister" data-source="post: 546476" data-attributes="member: 135"><p>Well, you have several things to consider here:</p><p></p><p>First, if he is 88 and you haven't taken a stand at this point, why do you want to do it now? He is not going to change. In fact, the older he gets, the worse it will probably get.</p><p></p><p>Second, if you take a stand and he gets POed, what will be the consequences and can you live with them? Is he going to get angry and abusive and be mad for a few days, weeks, etc. and then get over it or is he going to get mad and never get over it? If something should happen to him while you are estranged would you think, "Oh, well" or would you feel guilt that will bother you later? Some battles aren't worth fighting just for your own sanity.</p><p></p><p>Third, how important is the inheritance to you? If that is the only reason you are putting up with him, is it really worth it? ONly you can answer that one.</p><p></p><p>I like the person who said yes, he is too old to confront but that you don't have to play his game. </p><p></p><p>When people become angry and difficult when they are old, it is hard enough to deal with but when, as in this case, it has been going on forever, there is a whole history and lots of habits established. NO matter what you do, at this point, his personality is not going to change. You are not going to make him see the light. So what remains is for you to decide if you want to poke the bear with a stick and see what happens. </p><p></p><p>If you really must know, I think I'd check on him occasionally just to make sure he's OK and pretty much ignore everything else. Nobody can make you feel bad about yourself unless you let them.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="muttmeister, post: 546476, member: 135"] Well, you have several things to consider here: First, if he is 88 and you haven't taken a stand at this point, why do you want to do it now? He is not going to change. In fact, the older he gets, the worse it will probably get. Second, if you take a stand and he gets POed, what will be the consequences and can you live with them? Is he going to get angry and abusive and be mad for a few days, weeks, etc. and then get over it or is he going to get mad and never get over it? If something should happen to him while you are estranged would you think, "Oh, well" or would you feel guilt that will bother you later? Some battles aren't worth fighting just for your own sanity. Third, how important is the inheritance to you? If that is the only reason you are putting up with him, is it really worth it? ONly you can answer that one. I like the person who said yes, he is too old to confront but that you don't have to play his game. When people become angry and difficult when they are old, it is hard enough to deal with but when, as in this case, it has been going on forever, there is a whole history and lots of habits established. NO matter what you do, at this point, his personality is not going to change. You are not going to make him see the light. So what remains is for you to decide if you want to poke the bear with a stick and see what happens. If you really must know, I think I'd check on him occasionally just to make sure he's OK and pretty much ignore everything else. Nobody can make you feel bad about yourself unless you let them. [/QUOTE]
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Narcicistic father. Is he too old for me to take a stand?
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