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Narcicistic father. Is he too old for me to take a stand?
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<blockquote data-quote="Nomad" data-source="post: 546479"><p>I can so empathize. My father, also a narcissist, was very similar. He was very abusive to both my mother and myself. </p><p>After my mother died, it got even worse. </p><p>We were largely estranged. When he got older, I would call him once a year to ask him if he needed anything. And, I was willing to the best of my abiity to get him anything he might need. When he was on his death bed, it was very weird. He had told his friends horrible and untrue things about me. He would shift from bragging about me to saying that I was a horrible person with-i a second. </p><p>You asked: <em>Is it too late for that? Cruel to do that to such an old man? Is it worth it?</em></p><p><em></em>Well, I would not be ok with him calling you any names. No one should be able to do this. But, I would try to control your temper. I would just say something like "I'm going to hang up the phone now Dad, because I do not approve of you calling me a bad name..." or something like this.</p><p>And, as he gets older, if you are able, you might volunteer to help with crucial things now and again. Like picking up a loaf of bread, talking to a doctor, paying for a prescription. But, I would limit your involvement. You are fortunate that you have family members that can help. It is a bad reflection on you if you are unkind. But, I personally believe, even family members should earn the respect of one another...no one gets a total free ride in my book. I believe that family members get more chances (for lack of a better word) and additional help, but that's about it. They must make efforts and be respectful. I would NOT put up with abuse and greatly limit your involvement.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nomad, post: 546479"] I can so empathize. My father, also a narcissist, was very similar. He was very abusive to both my mother and myself. After my mother died, it got even worse. We were largely estranged. When he got older, I would call him once a year to ask him if he needed anything. And, I was willing to the best of my abiity to get him anything he might need. When he was on his death bed, it was very weird. He had told his friends horrible and untrue things about me. He would shift from bragging about me to saying that I was a horrible person with-i a second. You asked: [I]Is it too late for that? Cruel to do that to such an old man? Is it worth it? [/I]Well, I would not be ok with him calling you any names. No one should be able to do this. But, I would try to control your temper. I would just say something like "I'm going to hang up the phone now Dad, because I do not approve of you calling me a bad name..." or something like this. And, as he gets older, if you are able, you might volunteer to help with crucial things now and again. Like picking up a loaf of bread, talking to a doctor, paying for a prescription. But, I would limit your involvement. You are fortunate that you have family members that can help. It is a bad reflection on you if you are unkind. But, I personally believe, even family members should earn the respect of one another...no one gets a total free ride in my book. I believe that family members get more chances (for lack of a better word) and additional help, but that's about it. They must make efforts and be respectful. I would NOT put up with abuse and greatly limit your involvement. [/QUOTE]
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Narcicistic father. Is he too old for me to take a stand?
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