Natural Consequences at their Best

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by JJJ, May 2, 2007.

  1. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Kanga has been insistent for the last year or so that I am just mean and like to punish her. The school was little help as they gave her As for almost no work and citizenship awards for putting her trash in the garbage.

    We had her moved to a new school because the old one (except for teachers giving her warm fuzzies for breathing) was killer on her self-worth as they made her sit in a regular ed room where she didn't understand what was being taught and she was being bullied.

    This new school is awesome. They don't baby the Special Education kids. They support them in their areas of disability but they are expected to give 100%. Kanga is getting mostly Ds and Fs. She has been banned from participating in track meets the rest of the year.

    Why am I excited about her failing? Because, for the first time in her life, she is being allowed to suffer the natural consequences for her poor choices (no sympathetic teachers to baby her!!) Her Special Education teacher makes Kanga grade her projects with her so that Kanga can see that she loses all her points because she turns in sloppy, half-finished work. The gym teacher gives her demerits (and a detention) for forgetting her gym uniform and tells her that it is her responsibility to remember it. The track coach tells her that because she chose to not come to practice, she lost the chance to participate in the meets. Each and every adult at that school seems to be reinforcing that her choices are causing her consequences.

    I can finally be the one to offer sympathy that she has to suffer . I no longer have to hand out all punishments!!! And she knows that I will not bail her out of these punishments so while she gives a half-hearted effort for me to "help", she drops it when I tell her that I am sorry that she is feeling bad but that at junior high, responsibility is between the teachers and the students and that they don't let the moms interfere :smile:
     
  2. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member Staff Member

    Sounds like you definitely made the right choice moving her to the new school. I think it's great. You are so right-on about kids getting constant praise and certificates and crap for doing things they are just SUPPOSED to do. There's nothing wrong with saying something nice about someone doing what's expected, but to constantly praise and not give consequences is not doing the child any good once they get out in the real world and no one compliments them constantly.
     
  3. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Excellent!

    :bravo:
     
  4. Just keep swimming

    Just keep swimming New Member

    :bravo:Way To Go school! I am so sick and tired of Aly's punishments being that she sit on a bench at recess. UGH!! What the heck is that teaching her? She could care less, the yard duty stands watch over her and Aly is in heaven that she has the undivided attention of an adult for 20 whole minutes. :slap: OH BROTHER!!

    I have asked and asked that they come up with some other sort of consequence when she gets referrals for misbehaviors. Guess I need to push up my :warrior:Mom sleeves and come up with some ideas to offer them!! I seem to remember having to write 100 times "I will not talk in class" several times in elementary school! :smile:

    It scares me that she does not fear getting "in trouble" as her consequence is actually a reward for her in her way of thinking! She only has one more year in elementary school and then it's Middle School, YIKES!

    I am sorry your difficult child is having to miss Track meets though. Sports are huge in our family and probably the one carrot I can dangle over Aly to get her to behave at home. No picking up her clothes, no track practice! For Aly, sports of any kind regulate her and I try hard not to have to use that as a consequence. I have a feeling Middle School will be a real eye opener for my Miss Aly!!

    Hugs,
    Vickie
     
  5. neednewtechnique

    neednewtechnique New Member

    Same with our children...our difficult child's therapist has been TRYING so HARD to get the school to impose these kinds of consequences for us, because it makes more "logical" sense if the school issues are being dealt with at school, instead of being piled on top of already stressful home life. And our 5 yo is dealing with the same "time out" issue as was mentioned above. NOT A CONSEQUENCE because she eats up the extra attention she gets sitting with the adult for 20 minutes!!!!!
     
  6. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    It sure does sound like changing schools will be a very good thing for kanga. :bravo:
     
  7. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Triple J,

    I'm loving thing - not that difficult child had such issues, but that finally a consequence is handed out by someone other than you. I'm loving that you can be the understanding & supportive parent but can't do much to "save" difficult child.

    difficult child is learning about life.
     
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