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General Parenting
natural consequences vs.?
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 433379" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>The important thing to emphasise when you talk to the principal - consistency, accountability and clear instructions to all staff on exactly what to do and when. Leaving too much at staff discretion leads to too much reactionary behaviour from staff, often sending inconsistent signals to children who are already ill-equipped to understand. The aim is good learning outcomes - how can that best be achieved? Go in with some constructive suggestions, it then is less likely to be seen as adversarial. if you say, "These things happened and it made me realise, there needs to be some lessons learned here for the future," you may get a better hearing. Too often, school staff lash out then withdraw, wanting to move on and leave that issue behind them. So the same issues keep cropping up, and the school staff get into negative, unproductive discipline habits.</p><p></p><p>An example on discipline - when he was 9, difficult child 3 had a teacher whose son was in the same grade as him. difficult child 3 saw the teacher and her son arrive at school. teacher's son was crying. difficult child 3 walked up to the boy to comfort him. The boy stiff-armed difficult child 3 away - I suspect he didn't want the nerdy weird kid noticing his tears. Boy's friends (who included the bullies) came up and physically shoved difficult child 3 away. difficult child 3, whose aim was still to offer comfort, perceived he was being shoved, and hit back. The teacher put difficult child 3 on detention for hitting. All I heard about it was that difficult child 3 had hit another boy and was therefore on detention. it took a lot of careful non-leading questions "and then what happened?" as well as talking to a friend of difficult child 3's who had witnessed it, to unravel the mess. By the time I did, it was too late for me to do anything, sentence had been served and no correspondence could be entered into. But it showed me that difficult child 3 was getting punished, when the other boys should also have been on report. And frankly, she shouldn't have been giving out punishments for an incident where her own son and his friends were involved.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 433379, member: 1991"] The important thing to emphasise when you talk to the principal - consistency, accountability and clear instructions to all staff on exactly what to do and when. Leaving too much at staff discretion leads to too much reactionary behaviour from staff, often sending inconsistent signals to children who are already ill-equipped to understand. The aim is good learning outcomes - how can that best be achieved? Go in with some constructive suggestions, it then is less likely to be seen as adversarial. if you say, "These things happened and it made me realise, there needs to be some lessons learned here for the future," you may get a better hearing. Too often, school staff lash out then withdraw, wanting to move on and leave that issue behind them. So the same issues keep cropping up, and the school staff get into negative, unproductive discipline habits. An example on discipline - when he was 9, difficult child 3 had a teacher whose son was in the same grade as him. difficult child 3 saw the teacher and her son arrive at school. teacher's son was crying. difficult child 3 walked up to the boy to comfort him. The boy stiff-armed difficult child 3 away - I suspect he didn't want the nerdy weird kid noticing his tears. Boy's friends (who included the bullies) came up and physically shoved difficult child 3 away. difficult child 3, whose aim was still to offer comfort, perceived he was being shoved, and hit back. The teacher put difficult child 3 on detention for hitting. All I heard about it was that difficult child 3 had hit another boy and was therefore on detention. it took a lot of careful non-leading questions "and then what happened?" as well as talking to a friend of difficult child 3's who had witnessed it, to unravel the mess. By the time I did, it was too late for me to do anything, sentence had been served and no correspondence could be entered into. But it showed me that difficult child 3 was getting punished, when the other boys should also have been on report. And frankly, she shouldn't have been giving out punishments for an incident where her own son and his friends were involved. Marg [/QUOTE]
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